susie's big adventure

Peace, Tolerance and Compassion

2009-11-05T12:15:00.002+03:00

The big story coming out of Kent, Connecticut, this past week has to do with a grieving father pitted against town officials over the wording for a proposed memorial to the man's son who perished in the World Trade Center terrorist attacks on 9/11/2001.

Peter Gadiel lost his 23 year old son James on that fateful day. James was an employee of Cantor Fitzgerald which had its offices on the 103rd floor of Manhattan's World Trade Center in New York City. For several years now, James' hometown of Kent, CT., has been wanting to remember and honor him with a plaque to pay tribute to his memory. And this is where things get sticky. Peter Gadiel is insistant that the wording on the plaque should specifically state that James was "murdered by Muslim terrorists." Fortunately the City of Kent town officials have balked at Mr. Gadiel's request.

I certainly understand and sympathize with Mr. Gadiel's grief, however I feel that his request is misguided. I also find it offensive, racist, indecent, unfairly prejudicial, inflammatory, and hurtful toward the millions of peace-loving Muslims in our world. This issue is about so much more than just political correctness. Labeling an entire group of people based on the actions of just a few renegades only serves to perpetuate hate. And perpetuating hate is not something that the USA (or any country, for that matter) needs to be doing. Understanding different cultures, respecting other religions, and tolerating those who are different from ourselves is key. We must teach our children these important lessons so that they hopefully might grow up to live in a world of peace, tolerance and compassion. Don't we ALL want this for our children?

I realize this is a touchy subject with very strong emotions attached, but I was shocked at the amount of insulting and hateful comments I read on several websites. I will not publish any comments that I find offensive, uncivilized or insulting toward Muslims.

SEX, LIES AND VIDEOTAPE

2009-10-28T23:52:00.001+03:00

You may have read on the news recently about the loose-lipped Saudi man in his 30s who is in deep doodoo for dishing about his illustrious sex life on a Lebanese satellite television channel. Mazen Abdul-Jawad appeared on an LBC program called "Bold Red Line" that was first broadcast in mid-July of 2009 and was aired in Saudi Arabia. But what you may not have heard or read about is how Saudi Arabia has again managed to point the finger of blame for this incident at women. "Crimes" pertaining to sex (like rape) in Saudi Arabia often equally fault the woman, even though women are unidentifiable and completely obscured in black wash-and-wear tents when out in public, yet they are still widely perceived as seductive temptresses by Saudi men. Islam forbids dating and pre-marital sex, and speaking about sexual escapades publicly is considered promoting sinful behavior and moral corruption. Yes, talking about your sex life in public in Saudi Arabia is a horrible crime.

Bragging on the show about his first sexual encounter at age fourteen with a young Saudi neighbor girl, the foolish Abdul-Jawad also described his ability to pick up other Saudi women using Bluetooth technology and even showcased his tacky love nest of a bedroom - complete with a bordeaux red colored bedspread accesorized with condoms and sex toys - to the cameras, explaining that it was the place where "everything happens." As a result of his interview, hundreds of offended puritanical Saudis filed complaints against him, one even going so far as to call for his execution. Ironically enough, LBC (Lebanese Broadcasting Corporation), the satellite television channel that broadcast this offensive program, is owned by a member of the Saudi royal family, billionaire Prince Al Waleed bin Talal bin Abdul Aziz.

Unlike the judicial system in the USA which can literally drag on for years and years, justice is swift and harsh in Saudi Arabia. In just a mere three months from the time Abdul-Jawad committed his immoral offenses, this unfortunate and unwise man has already been tried and convicted for his crimes. He has now been sentenced to a jaw-dropping five years in prison and 1000 lashes, plus after his release from prison, he will also be restricted from leaving the country for another five years as well as forbidden from discussing his saga.

Abdul-Jawad did not go down alone for these crimes. Recently sentenced to two years in prison and 300 lashes each were three of his friends who also appeared on the same program with Abdul-Jawad.

But the blame did not stop there. Most recently, a young Saudi female journalist received a flogging sentence of 60 lashes for her part in the production end of the broadcast. Twenty-two year old Rozanna Al-Yami maintains that she had no direct involvement at all in Abdul-Jawad's show. Her crime was simply working for LBC and the fact that the company did not have the proper licensing and documentation to operate within Saudi Arabia. Ms. Al-Yami claims she was not even aware that LBC was unlicensed. Apparently another female employee of LBC has also been arrested, but details of her case are sketchy at this point.

So far, it appears as though no other LBC employees have been arrested or charged with any crimes. So why are these two female employees being singled out? What about the actual reporter/interviewer, the producer, and the camera crew? Certainly there were many other LBC employees who were actually more directly involved in the production of this program than Ms. Al-Yami.

I also read that in a popular local Arabic newspaper, many commenters named Al-Yami responded to the story, defending their family name and denying and rejecting the female journalist by the same name as a member of their tribe. Others criticized and shamed her for not covering her hair and face properly. These commenters were more concerned with their family name being tarnished than the fact that a young working Saudi woman has been railroaded by the male chauvinistic system which consistently places blame and punishment unfairly on women. Funny how Saudi men manage to keep their testerone in check when they travel outside their country, but when in Saudi the men are not expected to be able to control themselves around women. Consequently Saudi women are shielded and protected from other men (like wearing black cloaks and veils, forced segregation of the sexes, requiring permission from male guardians to go to school, travel, work, etc) but still are usually partially blamed if they are raped, having that "she had it coming/she was asking for it" mentality.

What I find crazy is that in Saudi Arabia we can view shows like "Sex and the City" and "Nip/Tuck" on satellite TV. I guess these shows are okay because they portray the decadent West as nasty purveyors of sex and indulgence, but a show like the LBC one which has caused such an uproar just shows how deeply in denial the Saudis are about the existence of consensual sex happening in their own country between unmarried individuals. As long as people keep quiet about it, it must not exist, but don't dare talk about it in the open - they just don't want to hear it. Obviously Abdul-Jawad is not the only man in Saudi Arabia to have experienced sex outside of marriage.

I would seriously advise Jerry Springer's show guests not to set foot in Saudi Arabia if they value their life and freedom, not that they would be allowed in anyway ...

UPDATE: Journalist Rozanna Al-Yami has received a royal pardon and her case has sparked demands for the reviewing of cases involving journalists detained in media-related offences. For more information, please read this Arab News article.

My Perfect Wedding

2009-10-25T18:02:00.000+03:00

When I was a young girl, I never really dreamed about having a big church wedding like many girls do. I don't know why. Maybe it was because I was never a real frilly girlie-girl, growing up as the only girl in a household of four lively brothers. I guess I was more of a tom-boy than anything, always trying to keep up with my brothers to prevent them from teasing me too much, although teasing me was part of their daily sustenance, much like breathing, sleeping, and sunshine. All my life, I have always marched to my own drum, and I guess some would say that I have often taken more unconventional paths than most.

I had met my future husband Adnan when we were students at the university (see my previous post called How I Met My Prince), as many couples do. From the start he had been honest with me about how he would return to his native country of Saudi Arabia after he completed his studies, would marry a Saudi girl, raise his family and live out his life there. I had fallen fast and hard for him, but I accepted what he had told me and appreciated his honesty, although deep in the corners of my mind, I secretly hoped that he would eventually realize that he loved me so much that he couldn't possibly live without me. I knew that my happily-ever-after scenario was not likely to happen though, and it was not something that I let myself dwell on or believe. I tried to take it just one day at a time, being thankful for whatever time we did have together. And each one-day-at-a-time ultimately turned into twelve long years. Whether he had intended to or not, Adnan had become a member of my family, was always included in family functions, and our names were always spoken together as one: Susie and Adnan, or Adnan and Susie.

When Adnan finally finished his studies and earned his PhD, it was a bittersweet occasion for me. I was happy for him that he had achieved his goal, but I also knew that our time together - twelve years - was nearing its end. Indeed he left Arizona and returned to Saudi Arabia as he had always said he would. But a strange thing happened. He wasn't able to land a job in his field. Frustrated and disappointed, he returned to the states six months later for a visit, and I picked him up at the airport. As soon as we arrived at my house, Adnan swept me up in his arms and he proposed to me! I was flabbergasted and bursting with joy. I had never really allowed myself to dream or to believe until that moment that we might actually have a future together. He again returned back to Arabia, continued looking for work, and made plans to return to visit me once more in Arizona that December. Adnan arrived one week before Christmas, and we immediately decided to get married right away, with no pre-planning. Since most of my immediate family would be flying in from all over the USA to spend the holidays at my mom's house in my small hometown on the Mexican border in Arizona, we decided to have a surprise wedding.

When I called my mom to tell her of our sudden plans to marry a couple days before Christmas, she was thrilled and sprung into action. After a twelve-year long courtship, Adnan and I gave my wonderful mother just five days to organize and plan a wedding which was to take place at her house two days before Christmas. Plus on top of all that, she had a houseful of out-of-town guests to contend with! My mom was an amazingly good sport about the whole thing and took it all in stride. After all, she had raised my brothers and me all by herself after my dad passed away when I was eleven. She could certainly handle all the details of a last minute wedding right before Christmas. All I really had to do was get my dress and a suit for Adnan.

With only five days to stage an entire wedding in the middle of the winter holiday season, there was, of course no time to send out formal invitations. So, the wedding guests were all invited by word of mouth and phone calls. My mom's home was already decorated for the holidays, so the wedding theme was a logical no brainer. There was no time for me to get upset about any wedding plans that might have gone awry, no time to fret over those little minute details that drive some brides nuts. My mom ordered a beautiful three-tier cake from the local supermarket, as well as party platters of hors d’oeuvres. A family friend was enlisted to take photos of the event, and one of my brothers volunteered to video-tape our wedding and reception. My brothers' wives and my nieces attended to the decorations, elaborately utilizing the colors of red and white for the poinsettias, linens, netting and bows, in keeping with the holiday theme. The entire wedding cost a paltry $500. But in my eyes, it couldn't have turned out any nicer.

Some friends changed their holiday plans and made the two hour drive from Tucson down to my hometown so they could celebrate our special day with us. Several of my childhood friends were also able to come, since they too happened to be home for the holidays. And the congregation from the church I attended since I was a little girl was invited in a special announcement during the church services that morning.

That freezing December day almost two decades ago was one of the coldest days ever. But even the bitter cold couldn't put a damper on the festivities that day when seventy-five of my friends and relatives gathered at my mom’s home, crammed into her warm and cozy living room and were witness to something we all had thought we would never see - my marriage to the love of my life Adnan. And with my mom’s twinkling Christmas tree as the backdrop, we said our vows to each other. I can tell you, there were not many dry eyes in the place. The only things that could have possibly made that day any better than it was would have been if my one brother who was on active duty in Desert Storm could have been there, and also if Adnan could have had some of his family there. Aside from that, it was flawless. It was truly a joyous day. The day was so surreal because I had never really let myself believe for one minute it would ever happen. There was so little time to prepare for it that nothing could have possibly gone wrong - it was totally stress-free. How many brides can say that? Everything went off without a hitch. My wedding day was perfect for me.

The Stoning of Soraya M

2009-10-19T10:22:00.001+03:00

The Stoning of Soraya M is a powerful movie based on a best-selling book that leaves the viewer in utter disbelief that something like this true story could actually happen in real life. That supposedly pious men can get away with such barbaric behavior and not be held accountable for bringing about the demise and the death of an innocent woman in a male dominated Islamic country is beyond comprehension.

Soraya has been married for twenty years to her abusive jerk of a husband. Together they have four children, two sons and two daughters. The sons are obviously favored by the father who teaches his sons that it is a man's world and that women are much lesser creatures that should be treated like servants. In Islam men are allowed up to four wives, as long as each wife is treated equally. But since her husband cannot afford to support two wives and he doesn't want to pay her alimony, he decides he just wants to be rid of Soraya, no matter what it takes. Since Soraya refuses to give her husband a divorce so he can marry the 14 year old girl that he fancies, he hatches a plan to falsely accuse her of adultery.

The men of the small dusty remote Iranian village in the desolate mountains of Iran go along with his evil plot to destroy his wife, falsely accusing her of adultery, holding a mock trial, and convicting her based on the word of a man who was threatened with death if he did not cooperate. The story is eerily reminiscent of the Salem witch trials, where the actions of a few provoke maniacal mob mentality into the masses against one of their own. Even Soraya's own father took part in the proceedings and denounced her publicly once she was convicted and sentenced to death by stoning. The movie is graphic and the scenes where Soraya is stoned to death are very difficult to watch. She suffers a horrendous, agonizing death.

It will come as no surprise that the book which tells Soraya's story, written by the French journalist of Iranian descent, Freidoune Sahebjam, was banned in Iran because it portrays the Iranian legal system in such a negative light. The Stoning of Soraya M is an important and extraordinary story that needed to be told.

Thankfully Soraya's story is NOT the norm for Muslim marriages. But what IS the norm about her story is that most Muslim marriages are not an equal partnership, instead deferring the power in the relationship to the man, and consequently, blame for any problems in the marriage on the woman. Men tend to wear the pants in the family in many marriages around the world - I'm not saying that this is unique to Islamic marriages. But it does seem as though in Islamic countries, women are always guilty or wrong, and men are always innocent or right. For example, when a woman is raped in an Islamic country, generally she is believed to have brought it on herself so she will be punished, while the man is often thought to be justified in his actions. Honor killings always target females and are committed by male relatives. Female children are still sold by their own fathers to perverted old men, oftentimes to settle a debt or to give the family a financial boost. Sometimes Shariah law can appear to be unfair, unjust, inhumane, or violent to women or girls.

The Muslim world still seems to have a long way to go in the area of women's rights...

For more information, please read an in-depth post about The Stoning of Soraya at the blog Sand Gets in My Eyes.

Captain Kabob Interviewed on American Bedu

2009-10-15T07:00:00.001+03:00

My 16 year old son Adam, whose alter-ego is Captain Kabob, has been interviewed by my friend and fellow blogger Carol, over at American Bedu.

Carol's blog is amazing. It is your virtual "Everything You Wanted to Know About Saudi Arabia, But Were Afraid to Ask" informational source. She is a former seasoned American diplomat who resigned her position to follow her heart by marrying her Saudi soul mate and moving to Saudi Arabia.

Carol recently propositioned Adam about doing an interview to get an American teenager's perspective about living in the Magic Kingdom, as we here in Saudi Arabia call it, and Adam obliged. The resulting interview can be read at the American Bedu Blog. Please pop over and have a look!

KAUST: King's Dream Becomes Reality

2009-09-28T00:19:00.003+03:00

Saudi Arabia made international news this past week with the inauguration of KAUST - King Abdullah University for Sciences and Technology. A longtime dream of King Abullah's, KAUST's glitzy inaugural celebration was held on September 23rd - coinciding with Saudi National Day - in an academically star-studded ceremony attended by various dignitiaries, such as heads of state, Nobel prize winners, and world business icons. The unique university is located 50 miles north of Jeddah in the small fishing community called Thuwal on the Red Sea. Erected out of the desert sands from scratch in an astonishingly short time frame, KAUST went from dream to reality in less than three years.

The top notch facility has attracted the world's cream of the crop in every capacity from students to administrative and teaching positions. Students from fifty different countries have enrolled in KAUST, and from what I understand, all of the students are on full scholarships or fellowships. With the goal of research and advancing science, KAUST specialized fields include math and computers, science and engineering, bioscience and bioengineering, and resources, energy and the environment. Developing solar energy is one of the specific aims of KAUST, in hopes that solar power will, in the near future, handle much of the Kingdom's energy requirements, plus become an important export for Saudi Arabia, along the scale of oil itself.

The expansive KAUST grounds include a coral reef ecosystem which will be preserved as a marine sanctuary by the university, as well as housing for all administration, faculty and students, shopping, recreation, health services, dozens of parks, plus schooling for employees' children. KAUST also provides nifty transportation services including shuttles into Thuwal and Jeddah, golf carts and electric cars for sharing, and bike paths.

The building of this advanced degree research university has not been without controversy. The innovative institution is the first university level educational facility within Saudi Arabia to offer co-ed classes, a revolutionary idea in this sexually segregated Islamic society. But most of the grumblings have focused on the legendary poor quality of education within the Kingdom. Saudi Arabia's public school system has long been criticized for producing ill-prepared students unable to aspire to higher education or the job force, and instead choosing to rigorously emphasize religious indoctrination over the basics like math and science. Thanks to King Abdullah, the entire system is being revamped, from the curriculum to teaching methods to the quality of the teachers themselves.

John Burgess from Crossroads Arabia was fortunate enough to have been invited to attend the spectacular inauguration and you can read his firsthand account of the festivities here.

Here are some other links pertaining to KAUST:

The official KAUST website

Saudi Aggie - a blog written by a KAUST student

Reuters news article about KAUST and the Saudi educational system

Arab News article titled "KAUST: King's Gift to the World"

Saudi King's University Slammed for Coed Classes

Courage

2009-09-24T00:45:00.007+03:00

"Courage is the discovery that you may not win, and trying when you know you can lose."
Tom Krause

I've been surprised at some of the emails and comments I've received over the past two years that call me "brave" or that say how "courageous" I am for moving here to Saudi Arabia. Surprised because I've never really considered myself particularly brave or courageous.

But when I read the quote at the top of this post, I began to look at the concept of bravery or courage differently. I have many friends back in the states who would never even consider making a move to a place like Saudi Arabia for any period of time, much less to come here indefinitely, sight unseen.

Living here is not easy for someone raised elsewhere, but it is not altogether miserable either. Crazy as it may sound, I moved here without ever having visited this country before. Sure there is loneliness and boredom and a glaring lack of things to do. It is definitely not for everyone, especially not for females from the West who have been raised in societies where women have equal rights, or where women have freedom of speech and where women can drive and are free to go wherever they want to go, and where she can dress the way she wants to. There are so many sacrifices I have had to make to be here, so many freedoms I used to take for granted in America that I don't have here. It's a totally different culture, a different way of life, different language, different customs, different religion, different attitudes, different foods - heck, just about everything about life here is different from what I had known all my life.

But I am not alone here. There are many other Western women who came here way before I did, who gave up their former lives as well, sacrificed plenty, all for the sake of love. Some of them have been living here for over four decades. Now THOSE women - THEY have courage! I really don't know how they did it. I still can't envision myself being here long term, but it's only been two years.

One thing that makes being here particularly difficult is that I have nothing here that reminds me of my past life, except some precious photos on the computer. But even those only go back as far as the day I finally went digital. The rest of my photos are in storage and I hope at some point to be able to scan them so I will have them too. Another thing that makes my life more lonely for me is my stateside family members' reluctance to get with the program of 21st century technology. We could see each other and speak through the computer on Skype for free every day if we wanted to, but my family members really haven't acquired the proper equipment to do this. So if I want to speak to them, I have to call them long distance. It's expensive and frustrating, when it could be free and easy. And then there's the apartment that we live in here - I don't feel as though it's mine because it's not. I had no input at all regarding it. My mother-in-law purchased it for us and kindly furnished it for us before we arrived, but it's not mine - not my taste, not my style. It's where I live, but it's not MY home.

Yes, I took a big chance moving here. I gave up everything that I thought identified ME and represented ME, a lifetime of possessions and memories and "things" that I had accumulated. I came here with two suitcases and that's it. It's almost as if my life's slate has been wiped clean, free of clutter, free of material things. And if I've learned anything at this point, I guess it's that "things" don't really identify me or say who I am.

The jury is still out on whether this place will ever feel like home to me, and if it never does, well, some will say that I have failed. Even South Florida took an awfully long time to grow on me. But at least I can say that I have tried - and we never know unless we try, do we? In the end, will I have given up everything - for nothing? Either way, I now know in my heart that it actually WAS a brave thing for me to do by moving here, and that I DO have courage. And I should be proud of myself for that. Proud that I am giving this place a chance, standing beside my husband, and keeping my family together - even if there's a chance that it may not work out in the end. And I can live with that.

UPDATE: CoolRed and the Gang

2009-09-20T00:05:00.002+03:00

IT'S GOOD NEWS, FOLKS! Blogger CoolRed and her children are on their way to the United States, according to the blog Future Husbands and Wives of Saudis.

Thanks to the help of many generous donors during this Ramadan season, CoolRed raised the funds necessary to buy the airline tickets she and her family so desperately needed to be reunited with her other two children who are already in the US.

Her story is heartbreaking, but now she has reason to hope. Her children will have a fresh start and have their whole lives ahead of them. Hopefully they will heal from the pain caused by years of abuse at the hands of their own father.

It won't be easy and no doubt there will still be struggles and and maybe some setbacks, but they have each other and they have a future.

Thank you to all of my readers who were able to contribute to her cause and for your prayers and BEST WISHES to COOL RED AND HER CHILDREN!!!

Women Can't Drive Here, But Children Can!

2009-09-17T00:15:00.002+03:00

I drove cars legally in the United States for 40 years before moving to Saudi Arabia. I got an "A" in my Driver's Ed class in high school (shout out to Coach Sharp!) and I have always passed my driver's tests on the first try. I have an excellent driving record. The Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, however, bans women from driving, although out in the sparsely populated areas, women are known to drive there. To my knowledge, it is the only country in the world where it is illegal for women to drive. The most common excuse given for why women are not allowed to drive here is that it's for their own safety and protection. Now this excuse of safety doesn't really refer to the dangers of having or causing accidents. What it actually refers to is the potential for women to have more freedom and to not be under the direct control of a man. The thinking is that a woman driver would have more of a chance to hook up with someone of the opposite sex if she wanted to, which is a big no-no in this country. The funny thing is that I have spoken to many Saudi women who drive outside this country, and they have all managed to avoid becoming sluts - which is what some Saudi men think of all women drivers elsewhere in the world. You can read a previous post I wrote about this subject not long ago.

Granted, the driving conditions here in Jeddah are horrendous. Just imagine all that testosterone gunning those engines in a land where only men are allowed behind the wheel! Traffic laws seem to be non-existent here, and if there ARE traffic laws, nobody follows them and no one visibly enforces them either.

But what really galls me is the fact that I - a responsible female driver with a proven track record of safety and skill and years of experience - am not allowed to drive here in Saudi Arabia, yet frequently I have seen children - specifically young boys - driving who are definitely not old enough to have a driver's license. I have tried to find out the legal driving age requirement here in Saudi Arabia, but that information is as elusive as the traffic laws. I've seen various accounts that range from 17 up to 25, and just about every age in between. All I do know is that many of the drivers I have seen here are nowhere close to approaching their 17th birthday, let alone 25.

One day I was crossing the street in a quiet residential section of town, and I was almost run over by a car driven by a boy who looked as though he couldn't have been a day over 10! These young boys drive, stretching and craning their necks in an effort to see over the steering wheel. Many of them have to sit on pillows. I don't know how they can possibly reach the gas pedal, or more importantly, the brake pedal! This is not something I see every day because I am not out and about every day, but it happens with enough frequency that I am not shocked any more when I see it - just angered that I am not allowed to drive here, yet these spoiled little brats CAN. As in many countries of the world, most boys here are raised to believe that they are superior to their sisters and are given special privileges just because they were born with a little extra appendage that girls don't have.

Even though the photos accompanying this post are of poor quality, hopefully you can see that there is a child - I'm guessing he's about eight years old - driving this big SUV on the busy streets of Jeddah AT NIGHT, during Ramadan, when traffic is especially heavy.

In the front passenger seat is a bearded grown man, probably his father, visible in the photo below.

It's hard to make out, but there are two other children in the back seat. None of the vehicle's occupants are wearing their seatbelts, of course. Most Saudis do not wear seatbelts as a rule, nor do they impress upon their children the importance of doing so.

I really resent the fact that I am not permitted to drive here in Saudi Arabia while young boys, who aren't even into double digits in age, can and do, without penalty or objection. I am NOT one of the many fortunate women here in this country who is provided with her own driver and vehicle. Consequently I am stuck at home much of the time with not much to do. My life has been reduced to accepting invitations only when my husband agrees to drive me, which he HATES to do, or when I'm lucky enough to be invited by one of my friends who can send her driver for me. My mobility here is severely restricted, and it is something I cannot get used to. To go from having my own car and the ability to drive where and when I wanted all my life to a country where I cannot is disheartening. Women who are caught driving in Saudi Arabia are usually hauled down to the police station, arrested, and can only be released to their male guardian (see corroborating news article).

To me this whole system makes no sense. Not allowing women to drive causes many hardships on a family, financial burdens if the family has to hire a driver, added stress on the man of the family to drive the women around, inconveniences for everyone, makes it difficult for women to get to and from work (so most women do not work here), and more. Women here in Saudi Arabia face many challenges and barriers created by the men which make it difficult for the women with desires for a more meaningful life to become more valued contributing members of this society. When men here say women cannot drive for their own protection, yet they turn around and permit little boys to get behind the wheel in busy traffic on the streets of Jeddah, putting everyone in their paths in harms way, there is no other word for it than "preposterous." The intended purpose behind not allowing women to drive here is totally flawed and unreasonable. It all boils down to a control issue, aimed at treating women like children and at keeping women at home.

For another related post about the problems created when women must hire drivers, please read a recent blog post over at Sand Gets in My Eyes.

If I Were a Man...

2009-09-14T00:25:00.000+03:00

Today I am posting a powerful and poignant poem written by Mimi, a thoughtful young woman from Qatar. She lived in the UK for four years while pursuing her undergraduate studies. Her future looks very bright, although it would probably be much brighter if only she were afforded the opportunities and encouragement that young men in her country are offered. Despite the challenges women face in many countries in the Middle East, she has a very positive outlook and says, "This is my life, and society is not going to live it for me." I believe that she is an important voice that needs to be heard, and I'm sure she speaks for many modern young women in the Middle East. Mimi strives to be the best she can be and it is her mission in life to help others achieve their goals as well. She releases her stress and frustrations in her writings and is very perceptive about her surroundings and her situation. So now, without further delay, is a poem by Mimi called "If I Were a Man."

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If I Were a Man

If I were a man, I can fall in love and society would think it's adorable.
If I were a man, I can marry any girl from any race or religion.
If I were a man, society won't question me if I controlled my wife’s life, thoughts and dreams.
If I were a man and divorced my wife, society would pity me and rush to find me a new one to make me happy.
If I were a man, I can wear whatever I want, whenever I want.
If I were a man, I don’t need to have permission to travel, to go out, to study to work or to breathe.
If I were a man, I can go out with as many women as I want, before and after marriage.
If I were a man and I sinned, society would find excuses for my sins, and so I can sin even more.
If I were a man with a bad reputation, my society would say “young and foolish, he will grow up and get married tomorrow, let him have fun.”
If I were a man, I will have a bigger salary, just for being a man.
If I were a man who studied abroad, in my society I will be a genius.
If I were a man and made a mistake at work, society will blame it on the circumstances.
If I were a man, I am perfect in the eye of my society.
Nothing would be wrong with me
Except the size of my wallet.

But I am a woman.

I am a woman, and I must hide behind covers or I will be …
I am a woman, and my society believes I am a heartless creature that is forbidden to love.
I am a woman, and my honor is not related to my morals but to my membrane.
I am a woman, and I am an object of property, to my father, to my brother then to my husband.
I am a woman, and I must sacrifice my history, my dreams, because they are not my rights, but they are the rights of who ever owns my body.
I am a woman, and if I or my rights are raped, it is because of my seductive beauty and stupidity.
I am a woman, and I must work twice as hard to prove myself.
I am a woman, and if I erred at work it is because I am simply a woman.
I am a woman, and if I studied abroad I will be too exposed and not suitable for marriage.
I am a woman, and on my society I am a burden.
I am a woman, and for my society I am a mistake that should be corrected.
I am a woman, and I should be watched in case I commit a bigger scandal, a bigger mistake than my own existence.
***********************************************************
Please visit Mimiz Blog - you won't be disappointed, and you will gain insight into a typical Middle Eastern young woman's thoughts, hopes, and fears. And thank you, Mimi, for allowing me to share your poem.

Eight Years Have Passed

2009-09-11T06:42:00.010+03:00

I can't pretend to speak for all the Saudis here in this country, but I can tell you what I have been told by the few Saudis I have spoken to about what happened on September 11th eight years ago. It is a sad day for them here too. They were horrified when it happened and even more so when it became known that most of the perpetrators were from Saudi Arabia. It frightens them to think that their own children could grow up and be capable of carrying out such hateful missions against innocent people. There are even moderate camps now for families to learn how to recognize and discourage radical ideas and behavior in their children. However, I have spoken to some Saudis who are convinced that the whole truth isn't out there - that the 9/11 findings were a conspiracy, that some of the alleged hijackers are still alive and were used as scapegoats. Yes, there are Saudis who are in denial about the 9/11 theories and believe that others were responsible and that the finger was pointed at Saudis as a US government cover-up or some such logic.

They may not always agree with American foreign policy, but they don't think that America was deserving of what happened on 9/11 either. The typical Saudi loves Americans and American culture. They love to travel to the US and enjoy doing things there that are not available here. Saudis love products that come from America, fashions, ideas, cars, television shows and movies, technology. Saudi women love Oprah! However, this love for American ways and products was one of the reasons why the small faction of radical fundamentalists feared these changes they saw in their own people and culture. They don't want change to come to Saudi Arabia. They want to keep women sheltered, barefoot and pregnant at home. And they always disguise their reasoning as religious somehow, and we all know how strong the religion is here.

I have always been treated very well here in Saudi Arabia. When we first arrived, my husband wasn't sure of the climate towards Americans - he had been gone for thirty years. He even went so far as to tell me that if I were asked where I was from, to say that I was Canadian, just to be safe. I did that a few times, and I just didn't feel right about it, and I told him so. So I started telling the truth. "I am American. Ana Amreeki," I would say in Arabic. And the Saudis would smile warmly and tell me how they've been to New York or California or Florida and what a wonderful time they had, and how beautiful they think America is, and that they want to go back again someday. Hubby saw the positive reactions from his fellow countrymen upon learning I am American and he was relieved.

This is my second year to spend 9/11 here in Saudi Arabia. The memories of what my family went through in Florida during the aftermath of 9/11 still haunt me and I'm sure always will. I must admit it feels a little wierd for me to be here amongst the very people who were accused and blamed for 9/11, but am I afraid? No. And as Ramadan rounds its final stretch here in the Magic Kingdom, the serene peace in the hearts of the countrymen here is palpable. I feel safe here. I feel welcome here. And I feel loved here.

To read a little more about what my family experienced after 9/11, please see my prior post that I wrote about it.

Man on A Plane

2009-09-05T00:34:00.001+03:00

When my son Adam and I recently returned from the states, we changed planes in Dubai. While we were sitting in the gate area waiting for our flight to Jeddah, we both noticed a rather comical-looking, chubby little man who was wearing the traditional Saudi white dress and the red and white checkered scarf. He had the scarf wrapped around his head in a turban style with a long tail down the back. The brown colored man had an unkempt bushy gray beard and the length of his thobe came to only mid-calf, instead of all the way down to his sandaled feet. We noticed him because he kept pacing briskly back and forth nervously in the gate area, and we could hear him mumbling to himself in Arabic.

Imagine our surprise when we boarded the plane and there he was - seated in our row! But not only that, he was actually seated in one of our assigned seats. Our boarding passes clearly indicated that we had the window seat and the one next to it. Apparently the man was supposed to be sitting in the aisle seat; however, as we found out, he really preferred the window seat, so he simply sat there. When we tried to tell him that he was in our seat, we discovered that his command of the English language was pretty much non-existent. Adam spoke up in Arabic to the strange little man. In a very thick accent and exaggerated hand gestures, our seat-mate explained, "I like window. It's ok! You sit, it's okay," pointing to the two empty seats next to him, one of which should rightfully have been his. As he spoke, I could see that his teeth were discolored and he was missing a couple of them. Instead of creating any further problems or hard feelings with our seat-mate, who seemed totally oblivious to the fact that we would have actually preferred our own assigned seats (imagine that!), my son and I reluctantly sat in the two empty seats, with my lifesaver son sitting in the middle. The airplane was packed full to the gills, otherwise we would have seriously considered moving to another row.

As the engines revved, the funny looking man - whose name we later learned was Mohammed - began to pray loudly in Arabic. He held tightly onto a set of prayer beads in his clenched fist. The volume of his chanting increasingly got louder and louder as the plane began to move forward faster and faster for takeoff. Looking around, I noticed that Adam and I weren't the only passengers on the plane who exchanged uneasy, puzzled glances. Experiencing this, with this man seated right next to us, was rather unsettling for my son and me. We were both relieved when the airplane finally left the ground and within a minute or so, the loud nervous chanting finally stopped.

During the flight, as Adam tried to watch the individual video screen in front of him, Mohammed told my son in Arabic that he shouldn't be watching movies or television shows, that such things were only for children and dogs. He asked Adam many personal questions, and Adam tried to answer him politely. But at least half a dozen times, Mohammed told Adam that he was going to hell because he liked music, and because Adam watched movies and TV, and other assorted things. Adam told me all this later when Mohammed dozed off to sleep, but when the food service came around a short time later, Mohammed woke up.

What happened next was totally unexpected. Adam ate as much as he wanted of the airline meal before him and sat back. Then Mohammed asked him in Arabic if he was finished eating. When my son said "Yes," Mohammed proceeded to lecture him about wasting food, again indicating that Adam would go to hell for committing this sin.

AND THEN, Mohammed actually rummaged though the uneaten and partially-eaten food on Adam's tray and took it for himself! I sat there in disbelief with my jaw dropped and my son's eyes got as wide as grapefruits. We couldn't believe what had just happened. I was expecting Mohammed's stubby little hand to reach across Adam to see what he could salvage off of MY tray! Fortunately for him, Mohammed refrained from doing so, because I was ready to slap him.

Sitting next to Mohammed on this flight was definitely an enlightening and surreal experience for us. Needless to say, Adam and I were both relieved when the plane landed - happily, without any loud praying - at our destination. We anxiously deplaned, shaking our heads in disbelief. Now I've had some wonderful experiences meeting terrific people on airplanes (shout outs to Bonnie and Ronnie!), but this has to be one of the the most distressing experiences I've ever had - if not THE most distressing one!

Have YOU ever had an unfortunate or uncomfortable experience with an unusual seatmate on an airplane?

On Pork, the Other White Meat

2009-09-02T17:28:00.014+03:00

Eating pork is strictly forbidden in Islam, but were you aware that the Bible also advises against eating "the other white meat?" The Jewish faith's dietary laws also ban the consumption of pork. Heck, even Confucius recommended avoiding pork. Muslims adhere stringently to this command, however, many Christians do not. What's amazing when you stop to think about it is that these religious commands came centuries ago, long before science could actually substantiate the logical reasons behind such a command.

There are two Biblical passages that basically say the same thing about not consuming pork...

Leviticus 11:7-8
"And the swine, though he divided the hoof, and be clovenfooted, yet he cheweth not the cud; he is unclean to you.
"Of their flesh shall ye not eat, and their carcass shall ye not touch; they are unclean to you."

Deuteronomy 14:8
"And the swine, because it divideth the hoof, yet cheweth not the cud, it is unclean unto you: ye shall not eat of their flesh, nor touch their dead carcass."

Joel Osteen, the famous inspirational Christian preacher with a very large flock of followers, explains the scientific logic for why people should abstain from eating pork in a simple way that is very easy to understand in this interesting video:

If pork is this unhealthy for humans, then why hasn't the US government taken steps to ban it from the marketplace, like it has with many other products which were proven to cause cancer or other health problems? The answer is simple: Because the pork industry is a BIG business and the US government very often sides with big business over the welfare of the people, especially when the BIG bucks are involved.

Certainly the writers of the Bible, the Torah, and the Quran had no idea what science could prove thousands of years later about why it is so unhealthy for people to consume pork. Do YOU eat pork? After watching this video, will you STILL eat pork?

UPDATE: 5SEP09 - I know that people, including myself, have eaten pork for centuries. I personally think it's the best tasting meat of all as far as flavor goes. Eating pork is so strictly adhered to here in KSA that many people actually believe they will die if they eat it. When I saw the video, I thought it would make an interesting post. I am not a fan of Joel Osteen, but I know he is quite famous and has a large following. I am not trying to spread misinformation about how bad eating pork is for you and I do not have an agenda. I thought this would provoke an interesting discussion, and indeed it did. I really like what a couple of commenters said about how it's not really that important what we put INTO our mouths - it's more important what comes OUT of it.

Why Haven't These Caught On in America?

2009-08-30T08:16:00.002+03:00

Toilets are an interesting phenomenon around the world. In my travels I've come to see that toilets can vary widely in design and how they are used. I think we've all been in filthy disgusting toilets, when there was absolutely no other option, where we were afraid to make contact with any surface for fear of catching something deadly. And then there are those beautiful spic and span bathrooms that looked so clean you'd swear you could almost eat off the floor, although I wouldn't recommend it. In the states, people are used to the comfortable flip down seat, that flips up for men to use while standing up. I saw my first bidet in a hotel in England and I wasn't exactly quite sure how to use the thing. In Germany, I was surprised when I had no choice at the time but to use a public facility that basically seemed like an open can with no seat on it at all. Even those compact toilets in airplanes are design wonders which fit in that small space, but at least they have a seat and that loud sonic swoosh when you flush. And here in Saudi Arabia was my first exposure to squatting toilets that are essentially a hole in the floor. Attempting to use one of those while wearing an abaya with long pants underneath requires some acrobatic abilities, but that's another story. Now don't go thinking that all toilets here are holes in the floor because they're not. I've seen many sparkling clean ultra modern toilets here that are equipped like no toilets I've ever seen in the states.

And that's why it surprises me that one simple wonderful thing that almost all toilets here in Saudi Arabia have hasn't caught on in the states. What is it, you ask? It's a plain old spray hose attachment that you can clean with after you've done your business. Before I met my husband, like many Americans, I used to just use toilet paper. But I learned from him how lovely it is to actually clean yourself with water. Because we didn't have one of those nifty spray hoses, we would keep a garden watering can nearby to use and just fill it with water from the sink. If you think about it, it's so much more refreshing and hygenic. And a few sheets of toilet paper is really all you need to dry off. Every couple of years or so, a part of the hose might start leaking, so you simply replace the entire hose with a new one that can be purchased at discount places along the lines of Big Lots or such. I like it much better than the bidet itself - we have two bidets in our home, and I use it to wash off my feet!

It seems like this spray hose should be easy enough to install, as long as there is a separate available water line, otherwise you would need some plumbing expertise. In Florida, my husband jury-rigged his own contraption onto our toilets. Instead of a spray hose, a small metal spray head was used, attached to copper tubing and affixed inside the toilet bowl, like a little mini fountain. He also installed an off/on handle that we could turn when we wanted to use it. It was much more complicated than these fantastic spray hoses, and it looked wierd, was harder to keep clean, and not as efficient, but it served its purpose.

I just don't understand why these remarkable easy-to-use toilet hoses haven't sprung up everywhere in America. It's one thing I truly miss when I travel back to the states!

For more interesting information about bathroom habits and equipment around the world, visit Toilets of the World.

And here's a website that sells the wonderful handheld bidet sprayers, BathroomSprayers.com.

Can You Help?

2009-08-28T04:58:00.009+03:00

I've become friends with a fellow blogger - an American woman who has lived in the Middle East for over two decades - who needs financial help right now. She goes by the name of Cool Red and I have been fortunate to be a fan of her blog for a couple of years now. Her words have made me cry at times, and other times she has had me rolling on the floor laughing. She's an excellent writer and she has had plenty of material in her life's experiences.

Cool Red's life has not been easy in the Middle East. She is now divorced from her abusive husband. Consequently she has really struggled financially to make ends meet. Now she and her children want to move back to America. Back to her home, to be reunited with her family. Two of her kids are already in America. Three are with her here in the Gulf. She needs money to purchase four airline tickets. Can you help with a donation? If enough people would just show her a little compassion and generosity during this holy month of Ramadan, we could help make this happen.

Please, if there is any way you can make a contribution, please do! You can read Cool Red's post "It's Over People...The Fat Lady Has Sung" to learn more about her plight. And she has an easy PayPal link on the top right of her blog - all you have to do is click on where it says DONATE.

Thank you for your help!

UPDATE: 3SEP09 - Cool Red has been experiencing some problems with ehr blog, but it is up and running again. She is almost to her goal!!! Just a few more contributions and she'll be on her way home.

Mugged in Saudi Arabia

2009-08-22T23:26:00.010+03:00

My teenaged son, Adam, also known as Captain Kabob, was mugged on the streets of Jeddah last night - ironically the night before the start of Ramadan, the holiest month of the year for Muslims. He made a bad decision and mistakenly got into a car he thought was a taxi and he was taken for a ride, robbed and shoved out of the moving vehicle. He was fortunate. He could have been more seriously injured than he was, beaten up or sexually assaulted or even killed. And the thugs only got away with his mobile phone, when they could have taken his backpack which had his computer in it or his brand new 16 Gig IPOD he got in the states this summer. He was indeed lucky.

Adam has taken taxis here in Jeddah before and he has had very good experiences. My husband and I agreed to let him go to a friend's home to spend Friday night. It would be his last opportunity to do this before his school starts on Sunday. He packed up his clothes, toothbrush, and his computer into his school backpack and headed out the door around 6pm, before dark. Taxis are abundant here in Jeddah since women cannot drive themselves, and one always comes around within minutes if you are walking along the street.

A dark car pulled up alongside Adam. The warning signs were there that should have tipped my son off that something was just not right. The car did not have the identifying TAXI light on top of the car, but it had some gold lettering on the outside that Adam could not read. The car had TWO young Yemenese men inside who told him they operated as a taxi and they could take him where he needed to go. Adam said "No!" and continued walking. The car caught up with him and somehow those thugs talked him into getting into the car with them. My big, hairy teenage son, who has always been taught by me since he was a small child to be careful and not to get into cars with strangers, accepted their made up tale about being a taxi and got into the car!

Now Adam hasn't wanted to talk much about the incident since it happened, so I'm not exactly sure how it all went down. Adam made a phone call to his friend to tell him that he was on his way. When Adam hung up, one of the thugs asked to see his phone, so Adam handed it over. Now Adam's phone admittedly was much nicer than the cheap phones my husband and I have, but it was not the most expensive by far, plus it was two years old. Then before he knew it, Adam was being forced, pushed and kicked out of the moving car. He tumbled out onto the street, and luckily his backpack came with him - the computer was not damaged, thank goodness. A woman in the car behind saw the whole thing and told her son to stop and assist Adam. The kind young man brought Adam home. He was bleeding and had scraped both elbows and had abrasions on his back, and his wrist was swollen and hurting. We immediately took Adam to a clinic to have him cleaned up and to have his wrist checked. It was not broken, just badly sprained. His wrist was wrapped up and Adam was given a shot and a couple of prescriptions. We also called to have the service on his phone disconnected.

My husband was horrified that something like this could happen to our son here in Jeddah. Crime is a lot lower here than in the states, mostly because of the swift and severe punishments that are handed out, if one is caught and convicted. But this shows that we are not immune to bad things happening to us here, or anywhere. There are some pretty bad people out there. I'm just thankful that Adam is okay and that all they took from him was phone. Now we'll just have to work on his bruised ego...

P.S. - I must add that a week ago, my phone fell out of my pocket while I was in a taxi here in Jeddah. When I realized it was missing, we called my number and the taxi driver answered the phone. My husband gave him directions to our home and he drove all the way to deliver my phone. When my husband tried to give him a reward, the man didn't want to accept the money, but my husband insisted. There are plenty of good people here in Jeddah.

UPDATE: Aug. 29 we took Adam to a bone specialist because he was complaining about the pain in his hand, and sure enough, the metacarpal V bone is fractured. For now he will not have a cast, but if the pain persists, he will.

Ramadan Kareem

2009-08-19T19:50:00.010+03:00

Ramadan will be starting very soon. That's the month out of every year when all Muslims fast from sunrise until sundown. Because it is so difficult to fast during the daytime in the extreme heat of Saudi Arabia, many people here reverse their days and nights, sleeping much of the day and staying up all night. They will usually eat a meal at 4am or so before the sun comes up, go to bed after the early morning prayer, and that meal will hold them until sundown, when the fast can be broken again.

Jeddah almost becomes a ghost town during the daytime. I remember when I first arrived here in October of 2007 - there was one more week remaining of Ramadan. It was 11am on a weekday, and seeing the wide, totally empty streets of this city with millions of inhabitants was a little shocking to me. Where was everyone, I wondered? There was no traffic to speak of and businesses were closed up - there was no sign of life anywhere.

During Ramadan, many businesses will close during most of the day, opening up in the late afternoon and staying open until the wee hours of the morning. It's still pretty hot here now in Saudi Arabia, and for outdoor workers, going without food and drink during the day can be brutal and quite dangerous.

Families often get together during Ramadan to share in meals. There are special drinks and foods that are traditionally prepared and served. Many Muslims traditionally break the fast at sundown with dates and buttermilk, go to pray, and then enjoy a big feast. Another common thing that happens is that furniture, carpets, tables, lighting, and household accessories will be switched around from one room to another to give the appearance of new furnishings. Or accessories might be purchased in a different color scheme to alter the look of a room. In the weeks prior to Ramadan, supermarkets and shopping malls spruce themselves up and prepare for the frenzy of the Ramadan shopping season - similar to the Christmas holidays in the states. During Ramadan, it is not unusual to see vehicles out at 2am for shopping, packed with entire families from grandmas down to cranky babies.

Those who are not Muslim, yet are living or working in Saudi Arabia, are expected to be considerate and not eat in the presence of those who are fasting. Not only are food and drink abstained from during the daylight hours of this month, but so are other pleasures as well, such as smoking and sex, and people are also supposed to refrain from feeling anger, bad language, and gossip. It is also a time of year when family and friends reach out and reconnect, even if they haven't for quite some time - similar to the annual sending of holiday greeting cards in December. Greetings of "Ramadan Kareem" or "Ramadan Mubarak" (meaning "Happy Ramadan") are exchanged.

The whole point of fasting during Ramadan is to feel closer to God and to empathise with the hunger that those less fortunate than you may feel every day. Poor people are sought out and given gifts of food, clothing, and cash. Charity is an important aspect of Ramadan.

Ramadan begins and ends with the sighting of the new moon - it's all very scientific. And when the new moon is sighted to mark the end of Ramadan's monthlong fasting, there is a big celebration when families go to the mosques early in the morning and join together afterwards to eat breakfast. Children are given gifts and there are more family get-togethers for several days. So as this new moon of Ramadan approaches, I want to wish everyone Ramadan Kareem, and may you have peace and happiness in your life, now and always.

The Things We Do For Love

2009-08-10T20:04:00.010+03:00

A few short days ago, I was sitting outside on the deck of my brother's home in America's lovely Pacific Northwest enjoying the cool summer breeze caressing my face. His home has a beautiful view of the shimmering blue waters of Colvos Passage and beyond that sits the lush tree-covered Vashon Island. Several sailboats glided aimlessly before me, across the sparkling expanse of water under the warming sun and the puffy-fluffy clouds. A bald eagle was surveying the landscape from his position on a branch up in a nearby tree, frequenting one of his favorite perches. Flowers in every color of the rainbow seemingly smiled at me from the garden. A family of raccoons, the mother with her four babies, plodded along near the bushes on the side of the grassy plain in the backyard, while two of the house cats intently watched their every move not far from me on the deck. A couple of deer appeared and attempted to nibble off the rosebuds from my sister-in-law's bushes, but she had outsmarted them with a special netting deterrent. Once they realized there were no tasty rosebuds to be devoured, they made their way through the bushes and out of sight. Colorful birds of yellows, blues and reds visited the seed-filled bird feeder situated off to the side of the deck. It was a beautiful, peaceful and perfect day.

As I was digesting all the beauty and tranquility of the nature around me, I couldn't help but think that in a couple of days I would be leaving this little piece of heaven on earth to go back to a place that feels like an oppressive oven and where I have to dress almost completely covered in black from head to toe. To a country where I cannot drive and don't have the freedom to come and go as I please. Where I have no place to enjoy the outdoors because of our living situation and because it's too hot anyway. Into an environment of massive cement buildings, and dust, and pollution. Where my life is boring more often than not, and the restrictions placed on me, as a woman, limit my creativity and my quality of life. Far away from my own family who have repeatedly told me that I am welcome back with them whenever I want. Where my son cannot enjoy himself in doing normal American things like camping, or going to concerts or the movies, and innocently goofing off with the opposite gender.

I had to think to myself that I must be crazy to be leaving this paradise to return to a male dominated and strictly religious society like Saudi Arabia. I just knew I needed to go back though, back to my husband, the love of my life for the last thirty-two years. He warmly greeted us at the airport with a smile on his face that told me how much he had missed my son and me in our absence. We came home to an apartment that was spic and span - and we have no maid like most families here do. A huge basket full of many of my favorite things - like chocolates, perfumes, bubble bath, and cashews - awaited me. And when I told him I wanted to try to lose some weight for my upcoming high school reunion, he said, "No, don't. I like you just the way you are." These are little things, I know, but it's the little things that mean a lot.

Am I miserable living in this desert kingdom? No. Is Saudi Arabia my first choice of where I want to live in this world? No. But for now, this is where I belong, beside my husband, the man I have loved for more than thirty years. The man who stole my heart so many years ago with his goodness and kindness and generosity. Ah, yes, the things we do for love.

Plastic Surgery in Saudi Arabia

2009-08-05T10:44:00.012+03:00

Islam is more than just a religion - it is a way of life. For just about any situation you might find yourself in, Islam has answers on how to handle it. Let's take, for example, plastic surgery. One might assume that plastic surgery might be "haram" (forbidden) because it alters the physical appearance of how God made us. After all, Muslim women are not even allowed to pluck their eyebrows because it changes the look of what God gave them. You might recall that I wrote an earlier post about women's beauty in Arabia, in which I talked about how women who pluck their eyebrows are cursed in Islam. I still don't pretend to understand the reasoning for why plucking is haram while dying the eyebrows a lighter color is permitted. To me both of these options are temporary fixes which don't permanently alter a woman's appearance.

That's why it surprised me recently when I read that three years ago religious leaders and plastic surgeons in Saudi Arabia arrived at an Islamic ruling which says that plastic surgery is permitted. Of course there are guidelines that must be followed, and choosing to have plastic surgery performed merely for one's vanity is not supposed to be acceptable. So what exactly makes plastic surgery acceptable? If someone has been disfigured in an accident, plastic surgery is allowable. If someone has a feature, like a huge bent nose, which causes the person distress or embarrassment, she can have that feature fixed to her liking. And if a woman has uncommonly tiny breasts, it would be allowed for her to go under the knife to have implants put in to make them larger.

But with the numbers of plastic surgeries skyrocketing in Saudi Arabia, I cannot help but wonder how many plastic surgeries are being done that fall under the realm of vanity. Just a few short years ago, the number of plastic surgery centers could probably be counted on one hand. Today the competition is fierce in the country. The most popular procedures performed on women in the kingdom are nose jobs, liposuction, and breast augmentations. Men go in to get nose jobs and hair implants. From the sounds of it, the rise in plastic surgeries seems to have more to do with vanity than anything else. I read about one woman who is thinking about having more than twenty different procedures done to her, from her breasts to her lips, from her bottom to her nose. She wants parts of her body to look like certain personalities she has seen on television or in the movies. It sounded as though she is striving for unattainable perfection.

I personally am all for people feeling good about themselves. But in a society where vanity and obsessing about one's looks is frowned upon stemming from religious reasons, it just becomes another one of those blurry contradictory areas that I find so difficult to understand here. Women here in KSA seem to be feeding into the idea that they believe about Western women - that women are merely sex objects. Can the women in Saudi Arabia really believe that about themselves, despite all the measures in place to supposedly prevent that image? Like the severe segregation of men and women, the shrouding of the female form, and the covering of the hair. I thought all those things were supposed to prevent a woman here from feeling like a sexual object ... so wouldn't getting plastic surgery directly contradict the religion and make it seem somewhat hypocritical?

For more information about this topic, click HERE.

Film Festival Finished Before it Started

2009-07-22T03:55:00.017+03:00

One thing that my son and I miss the most since moving from the states to Saudi Arabia is simply going to the movies. There used to be movie theaters in KSA back in the 1970s. But when the big oil development boom arrived in the Kingdom, along with it came a more austere return to religious conservatism. Movie theaters were forced to close down and they have disappeared for the last thirty years.

The past few years have seen a growing movement toward a more progressive Saudi Arabia, but at every turn, calls for change have been met with opposition from the ultra-conservative and very influential religious faction. A few days ago, the 4th Annual Jeddah Film Festival was cancelled just hours before it was to begin. No reasons were given for the cancellation, which was handed down by the Interior Ministry. Many cultural activities are prohibited in Saudi Arabia. Any form of dance is non-existent (except at private functions, like parties or weddings where women dance but men are not present), music is frowned upon by many, and even simple innocent book fairs have been closed down here.

Cancelling the Jeddah Film Festival is a huge disappointment and a big setback for those who want to see social changes in Saudi Arabia. It must be a crushing blow to the fledgling Saudi film makers and promoters who had put their best efforts forward to make the popular festival a success. Months of planning went down the tubes in an instant. Over 70 Middle Eastern films were set to be shown and movie business bigshots had flown in from various MidEast countries to attend the planned weeklong event.

I certainly don't understand how on the one hand a cultural event like a film festival is cancelled, yet on the other hand, all types of movies on DVD are readily available in Saudi Arabia and we can view uncensored shows on satellite TV like Sex in the City and Nip/Tuck.

Saudi religious leaders have called movies evil and are adamantly against Western social influences which they feel will bring unacceptable lower standards to the Saudi way of life. They see the West as immoral purveyors of smut. They want to be able to control the population's behavior by restricting access to things that they see as indecent or against the religion. Within the royal family itself, there is disagreement about whether or not cinema should make a comeback in KSA. But one thing is for certain - the Saudi people themselves are avid fans of the big screen.

Last winter a Saudi comedy was shown to Jeddah and Taif audiences and was so successful that it was shown as many as eight times a day to accommodate the 25,000 people who attended. I read that the audiences consisted of men and women, which is another rare occurrence in and of itself, because in Saudi Arabia, unrelated men and women are restricted from socializing together. The same comedy was screened in June in Riyadh, but women were not allowed to attend. Only men and children were let in. There was a group of ultra-conservative men outside protesting the event in an attempt to discourage people from seeing the movie. Despite that, the movie goers enjoyed themselves - and the movie and the popcorn.

What strikes me often here in KSA is that some people seem to feel that having fun is wrong and that people should not do things that are fun - that fun is a form of decadence, and that in itself is against religious teachings so therefore it is wrong. Is this really what religion tells us? Or are we again just at the mercy of some misguided interpretations?

In Paradise

2009-07-08T09:22:00.006+03:00

It seems the older I get, the less tolerant of heat I am. And as BAD luck would have it, I have managed to live in one hot place after another all my life. I grew up in the dry heat of Arizona and lived there mostly until I was 40, and suffered through chapped lips, cracked heels, bloody noses, and extremely dry skin. Then we moved to hot and humid South Florida, experiencing several summers when we lost power - meaning no air conditioning - often for weeks during hurricane season. My menopausal hot flashes were always embarassing and always no fun and lasted for more than ten long years while I lived there. I could take a shower and step outside and in minutes, I felt as though I needed another shower again. My undergarments would always be soaking wet from sweat - yuk! And now I find myself living in one of the hottest places on the planet, Saudi Arabia! It is so hot there that most women simply just do not go outside unless they absolutely have to. Of course having to don a long black cloak over your regular clothes in 116 degree heat, plus having to cover your hair and neck as well, tends to make the women there even hotter - at least it does me!

I feel doomed to live in hot places all my life.

Now everyone has their own idea of what paradise means to them. Many people think of heaven as paradise, but I'm not talking about heaven. Here on earth, my idea of paradise is a place with cooler weather and plentiful rain, lots of green trees and colorful flowers and friendly people, and near a body of water. I arrived in paradise yesterday. I have been here many times to visit family and I always have felt a sense of belonging whenever I come here. I am now in the state of Washington in the Seattle area, and this part of the country is my idea of paradise.

The weather forecast here for the coming week predicts not one day over 76 degrees. The lows will be hovering in the mid-50s. And this is July! I just spent a week in Florida, where the temperatures usually don't reach 100, but guess what? The week I was there, they had record heat, over 100 degrees! It was brutal. And then I was in Arizona for about ten days, and Arizona is nothing BUT hot in the summertime. And of course I had to be there during the monsoon season, which means that the swamp coolers in many Arizona homes (different from air conditioning) don't really function well in the humidity, and it's hard to cool down.

So to arrive here yesterday to a cool 60 degrees - well, it just feels like heaven to me. I love sleeping with the window open and feeling cold enough that I can snuggle under a blanket at night. I love being outside in the summertime and not sweating like a pig. I love this cooler weather!

The photos in this post were all taken at my brother's home in the Seattle area where I am staying. There are wild deer and raccoons that visit the grounds frequently looking for food. The dahlias are among the most beautiful flowers I have ever seen. And the view is undeniably spectacular! See why I feel like I am in paradise?

Reverse Culture Shock? Nah!

2009-07-01T12:24:00.009+03:00

Some of you may know that I am traveling in the states now. I arrived almost two weeks ago with my son Captain Kabob. He wasn't able to travel with me last summer when I traveled to the states for my first trip back home since moving to KSA, so he had been gone from the states for about two long years. We set foot on US soil at JFK Airport in New York. The temperature was a cool 60 degrees and it was raining. Both of us reveled in the chilly air and moisture - something we have both missed tremendously living in Saudi Arabia. When we arrived in Florida, a group of my son's friends greeted him at the airport, holding up signs and screaming when they saw him. It made him feel like a rock star! I rented a car, and felt a tad nervous when I first backed up out of the parking space, but I was fine after that. I hadn't been behind the wheel for almost a whole year. Women are not allowed to drive in Saudi Arabia.

During my week in Florida, we went to the movies - there are no movie theaters in Saudi Arabia and this is one thing that my son and I have missed the most. I have visited with various friends, went malling, and ate at a few restaurants. The fast food restaurant that Captain Kabob had missed the most was Taco Bell, so of course we ate there. I really didn't have enough time to do everything that I had hoped to do and feel like I could have used another whole week there, but my time did not permit it.

Right now I'm in Arizona. Dear friends have hosted a couple of parties for me, enabling me to see more people at once, instead of me having to go around visiting people individually. I was thrilled to meet three fellow bloggers who came to one of the parties and also to see several old friends I hadn't seen in decades. I've also been able to spend time with my daughter and my two grandkids. Although the temperatures have been extremely hot, I am thankful that I do not have to wear the black abaya or cover my neck and hair here.

I have been waited on by females working in restaurants and in the malls - these positions are only filled by men in Saudi Arabia. There hasn't been any need to plan shopping excursions around prayer times. I have spoken with ease with men I'm not related to - I'm not supposed to have contact with men I'm not related to in KSA. I have totally enjoyed being able to get into my rental car and drive myself to wherever I need to go without having to ask my husband to drive me. I have pumped my own gas, something men don't even do in Saudi Arabia because there are gas station attendants to do it for them. I have gone places by myself and loved every minute of it.

Before I left on this trip, some people expressed that I might feel some reverse culture shock being back in the states, but I haven't felt anything like that. Seeing people dressed in shorts and sleeveless tops in this hot weather doesn't shock me or make me feel wierd. To me, it seems a more sensible way to dress in the brutal heat. Driving feels pretty natural to me and so does being able to go out on my own. Maybe because I've only been living in Saudi Arabia for just two years, I'm not feeling the reverse culture shock yet. What I am feeling is renewed joy at the simple freedoms I used to take for granted. Somehow I don't think reverse culture shock will happen to me though even if I give it a few more years...

Photography Can Be Hazardous ...

2009-06-24T07:39:00.015+03:00

I take many photos in Saudi Arabia, and I publish many of them on both of my blogs - this one and my photo blog which is called Jeddah Daily Photo. Many people, especially women in this country, are very private and come close to freaking out when they see a camera. Women here have been blackmailed by men who may have obtained a photo of a woman whose hair is not properly covered or if she is wearing normal clothing and some of her skin shows. In most normal societies, these innocent photos would not be cause for alarm and certainly not a reason for blackmail. But in a restrictive place like Saudi Arabia, regular photos like these of a woman, if landing in the wrong hands, could bring shame on the woman and her family, and her husband might even divorce her because of it. This cultural phenomenon gives great power to slimy bad guys, many of whom might usually demand sex, or sometimes money, as their blackmail payment.

The methods for how a man might obtain photos of this nature can vary. Modern technology such as camera phones and blue tooth are one way. Some men might deliberately prey on vulnerable women and sweet talk their way into getting the woman into a compromising position. Or perhaps the woman began to trust an individual and she may herself have emailed him a photo of herself. There have been cases where a woman was raped by a disgruntled acquaintance and even a case where it resulted in a woman being killed by her own male family members because of the shame brought upon the family. It is also not unusual for a woman to be sentenced to lashes as well for being guilty of putting herself in the position where photos of her got into the wrong hands.

I'm happy to report that in recent times the Saudi government responded by enacting stiff laws with severe penalties that have been put in place to protect women from blackmailing predators. The thing is, though, that these laws wouldn't be necessary if seeing a woman's hair or skin wasn't considered so taboo in the first place. Islamic law dictates that women must dress modestly. Dressing modestly in KSA is way more restrictive on women than in most other Islamic countries. There are many places where Muslim women do not cover their hair and where they are considered modestly dressed even if skin on their forearms or necks are showing. And what's even worse is that despite the laws that now protect women from blackmailers, many people still place the blame on the woman for allowing a photo of her showing her hair or some skin to get out in the first place. Naivete, foolishness, or a simple mistake can ruin a woman's reputation and possibly her life.

On a different note, it is believed that a blogger/photojournalist from Iran may be in jail. Amir may have been arrested as he took photos of the demonstrations in the streets of Iran that have been going on in protest of the questionable results of the presidential election that took place there on June 12. He has published some incredible photos of the demonstrations on his website called Tehran 24 and access to his blog has been blocked from viewing within Iran. For more photos of what has been going on in Iran, you can also check out this site.

Amir is not the first Iranian blogger to have simply disappeared without a trace. There have been several in recent years, and one even died in custody a few months ago. It is clear that the country of Iran does not have freedom of speech or freedom of the press.

In this part of the world, taking photos or simply having your photo taken can be hazardous to your well being ...

From Hugging to a Handshake to Hello

2009-06-15T10:19:00.006+03:00

When I first arrived in Saudi Arabia in October of 2007, I met many of my husband's family for the first time. There were many nieces, nephews, cousins, aunts and uncles to meet, and honestly I still don't think I have met even half of my husband's extended family. I came from a fairly small family. My mom was an only child, so I have no cousins on her side of the family. My dad had one brother and one sister, and they had two children each, so in reality, I had only four first cousins. Because my mom was an only child, she wanted a large family, so I have four brothers. My brothers and I all have at least two kids each, so our kids have a healthy pool of first cousins. With my family spread out all over the US though, getting us all together takes quite a bit of planning and it's not something we are able to do even once a year. And that's one of the reasons why I was really looking forward to our move to Saudi Arabia, where we would be surrounded by my husband's large extended family.

Here in Saudi Arabia, we spend the most time with my hubby's sister and one of his brothers than with other members of the extended family. One of my nephews, Sultan, has become a favorite of mine. He was maybe 11 and a half when I first arrived. He and my son Capt. Kabob get along well together and they play video games and joke around with each other. We often play cards and he has even come over to our house to spend the night, which isn't really a common occurrence in this society.

The first year I was here in this country, whenever we would greet each other, Sultan and I would hug each other warmly. I also hug all of my nieces and my sisters-in-law when I see them, but I never hug my brothers-in-law or the older male nephews. We cordially say hello to one another but we don't even shake hands. Also I must keep my hair covered at all times when I am around them as well. All of a sudden one day several months ago, Sultan informed me that we could no longer hug when we greet each other because he had just turned thirteen. Thirteen is that magical number whereby he was now considered a man and was no longer allowed to hug women like me. So for several months Sultan and I shook hands when we greeted each other. Honestly this change in our relationship felt a bit awkward and felt like a loss to me.

Well, just recently now our dissipating relationship has evolved even further - now we can no longer even shake hands.

I realize that this is part of the culture and I understand that. But I'm 57 years old and Sultan is 13. To me, he is still a boy and I would never ever think of him in an inappropriate way. The culture here dictates that there should be no physical contact, like hugging or even shaking hands, between any "marriageable" persons of the opposite sex. To think that my nephew or I would ever ... or could ever ... It just seems so tawdry and distasteful, doesn't it? Maybe I'm just really naive, but are there really that many desperate older aunts who take on their ridiculously much younger teen nephews? Does this really happen?

So anyway, now Sultan and I must keep our physical distance from one another and just wave and say hello to each other. So far I don't have to cover my hair in front of him, but I have a feeling that might be the next thing to go. Which is something that I don't really understand because he already knows what my hair looks like. The situation just feels so uncomfortable to me now... I can tell by the look in his eyes that Sultan feels the same way about it too. It almost feels like we're being punished for something. Saudi women must experience this same chipping away of their relationships with their nephews as they grow up - I wonder if they feel the same way I do? Is hugging my nephew really indecent and inappropriate? Sometimes I think there are things that this culture carries way too far and turns completely innocent and pure affection into something dirty. At least I still get to hug my nephews in the states - and maybe I'll just hang onto them a little bit longer next time I see them!

Telemarketing in Saudi Arabia?

2009-06-11T13:16:00.009+03:00

I recently received a request for some information about a possible business venture here in KSA that I'm not really sure how to address, so I thought I would open this up to the readers to answer. A young woman from Thailand needs information about the possibility of marketing cosmetics to Saudi women over the phone. My instincts tell me that this type of business venture wouldn't fly here, but maybe I'm wrong.

She has some questions that I have no idea how to answer. Here's her request:

"The Managing Director I work for is very eager to start his business in a Middle Eastern country and I'm responsible for doing some research on those countries. KSA happened to be the first place I picked up from the lucky draw.

After reading a lot of articles and of course, your blog, I'm not so sure now if my business model can be run in KSA, as it relates to cosmetics and skin care for both men and mostly for women.

Since women there are not supposed to be beautiful because it leads to men's attention, they do not have to apply any skin care to keep themselves beautiful anyway, although Saudi men take beauty as the most important thing to live a life with one woman... what a conflict!

My business requires girls to sell these products via telephones. Under the religious rules, I don't think any girls can be employed for this position - or is selling through telephones exceptional?

Can you let me know if Saudi women can spend money of their own free will? Or do they need to have permission from their husbands? In general, do most Saudi women possess a Credit Card or ATM card to use freely?

It would be really nice to have your advice about this as it would be difficult to get this kind of info from the internet."

First of all, the assumption that Saudi women don't need or want cosmetics or skin care products is totally wrong. Outer beauty and skin care is as important to women here as it is to women everywhere. Because Saudi women don't expose their skin to the harsh elements here, most Saudi women have beautiful and flawless skin. They use products to keep their skin soft and supple. They use cosmetics for private affairs like weddings. I know that cosmetics is a big business here.

Saudi women generally have their own money and if they want to spend it on cosmetics, that is their business. I cannot vouch for whether they have credit cards or ATM cards to make purchases with, however.

Whether or not women would be inclined to purchase cosmetics over the phone is a completely different issue. Not being able to see the product would be a factor. Personally I would rather purchase cosmetics in person rather than over the phone, sight unseen.

As far as telemarketing itself here in KSA, I honestly have no clue. I know that we don't receive sales calls at home here in Saudi Arabia. The difference between the states and here is like night and day. We used to get so many telemarketing calls in the states that it was quite annoying. Although I have noticed that I receive many pesky text messages here in KSA that are sales oriented. I do know that I've heard many women here say that if they don't recognize the phone number on their caller ID, they do not answer the phone, so would this be a problem? And could women be employed doing telemarketing here? A good question to which I have no answer. If anyone out there has any information to contribute, please be my guest.