tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569425364802315563.post3291589146620059207..comments2024-03-29T14:07:48.770+03:00Comments on SUSIE of ARABIA: Widowed in Saudi Arabia, Part 4Susie of Arabiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13315336613944665651noreply@blogger.comBlogger55125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569425364802315563.post-84354429300396215332018-04-11T00:01:51.719+03:002018-04-11T00:01:51.719+03:00I hope I am not repeating....today is the 1st time...I hope I am not repeating....today is the 1st time I have seen or read this stoty. I feel as if i have lived this story with Asima.....and there is so much more to tell!<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569425364802315563.post-48012787816804311742016-10-18T23:05:33.428+03:002016-10-18T23:05:33.428+03:00I am reading this 7 years later. I hope that you&...I am reading this 7 years later. I hope that you've found happiness. I too live somewhere I don't like due to marriage. I understand the pain.DMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08655066989383769853noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569425364802315563.post-344414838765176932015-10-14T15:55:17.909+03:002015-10-14T15:55:17.909+03:00Hi Ami - No, I don't feel I am being hypocriti...Hi Ami - No, I don't feel I am being hypocritical at all. Yes, this blog post should serve as a warning to women with stars in their eyes and blind love in their hearts of what COULD happen. <br /><br />Nowhere have I EVER said that foreign women who move to KSA "will be mistreated and likely not be allowed to leave." You are reading a lot more into what I wrote than is there. <br /><br />My son spent only three years here in Saudi Arabia. Unfortunately his experience here was not great for him and he doesn't really want to return, but his time here was when he was 14-17 years old, a tough time in most kids' lives anyway. <br /><br />Honestly in the eight years since I moved here, I have had no need to ever feel concerned that I could be trapped here. I have been free to come and go as I please. You have to realize that I have been with my husband since 1977, which is a long time to really know someone. My husband spent 30 years with me in America before we made the move to KSA. I came here when I was in my mid-50s.<br /><br />I think this story should serve as a warning to younger women who move here as newlyweds, have small children, and don't really know how this culture here works. My case is totally different and I don't appreciate you calling me a hypocrite. Everyone's experiences are different. Asima had a happy marriage and a great life with her Saudi husband until he became ill and died. That's when her nightmare began. If Asima's true story can open the eyes of young women who are contemplating a move to this country and prepare them for a possibility like this happening to them, then getting her story out there is definitely worth it. Susie of Arabiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13315336613944665651noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569425364802315563.post-4443534261002912272015-08-31T19:14:42.418+03:002015-08-31T19:14:42.418+03:00I'm confused...you wrote this wonderful, heart...I'm confused...you wrote this wonderful, heartbreaking piece as a warning for any woman who marries a Saudi man (or anywhere in the Middle East, respectively) NOT to go to their home country because you will be mistreated and likely not be allowed to leave. However, you yourself then admit to doing the exact thing you warn women not to do. Isn't that being just a tad hypocritical? <br /><br />My heart ached for Asima, and I don't have to tell you I agree with your warning - I've heard far too many gut-wrenching stories similar to hers - but aren't you a bit concerned with your own well being? Your child may be a son, and an older boy at that, but that doesn't mean you aren't essentially sacrificing his own freedoms as well by moving to a nation where there are so much fewer of them. Not to mention you are placing him into a culture that views women as vastly inferior and he himself have to live by that same mindset, along with other cultural issues like the belief in witchcraft (and sentencing accused practitioners to death). At best he'll have to live by these rules while being forced to carefully hide his disdain for them lest he anger the wrong person, and at worst he could even wind up accepting them and feel it's perfectly okay to treat a woman like garbage.Amihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04095731092607713601noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569425364802315563.post-70991582990999121692013-03-20T14:12:36.777+03:002013-03-20T14:12:36.777+03:00Thanks, Cheyenne - I'm happy to report that As...Thanks, Cheyenne - I'm happy to report that Asima and her children are doing well outside the kingdom. It was a long struggle but they are thriving and optimistic about their futures. Susie of Arabiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13315336613944665651noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569425364802315563.post-56381170686994429352013-03-20T06:33:44.811+03:002013-03-20T06:33:44.811+03:00Thanks for sharing this story,
May allah protect h...Thanks for sharing this story,<br />May allah protect her and her childrenAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01748828339459829172noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569425364802315563.post-85148731900242798282010-10-20T14:53:09.608+03:002010-10-20T14:53:09.608+03:00As an update, I am finally out of the country with...As an update, I am finally out of the country with my children and free in an undisclosed country. The help i did receive from saudi has been amazing , however for safety it meant i had to change all our identities and lose contact with my old life and all the people i knew. The battle still goes on for mine and my childrens inheritance, and it has been a struggle to restart a new life with no funds and culture shock, thankfully tho the children have settled in well and now I can see a future for them and myself.<br />thank you for all the well wishes, and susies help in warning other women on what can happen.Asimanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569425364802315563.post-20372275501532009992009-08-03T15:48:58.332+03:002009-08-03T15:48:58.332+03:00yew...This blog post just blew me off for a moment...yew...This blog post just blew me off for a moment. And I was very much moved by it. Indeed human beings could be the worst creatures and it is a shame that how often people forget they got to answer god one day for their deeds.<br /><br />Salaams to Asima and her family, may Allah protect her and her children.<br /><br />Thank you susie for this very much insightfull article.<br /><br />I am also married under almost similar circumstances, and yes your article has made me contemplate about the contigency plan for my wife too. May Allah protect my family and every one too.<br /><br />With regards to contigencies, I think it would be a good option for the husband to simply hand over his assets to his wife marked as Gift in his life time, this should help in many unfortunate cases.<br /><br />Apart from this the women (esp. revert muslim women) must realize that their mahar (dowry) is a way of social security so they must demand something better and use that money wisely by putting it away in Halal investments, real estates or gold, etc... And never touch that money until they are married.<br /><br />Asima, i am not sure about jeddah. But i suppose there is an organization usually called "Bait ul Maal" whose responsibility is to distribute aid and assistance to people like in your situations. (No offence to you - sorry... Also as per the Sharia it is the responsibility of the state to look after people like in your situations) Just check such organizations if you wish.<br /><br />May Allah Protect you and your family.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569425364802315563.post-74264248638506759012009-07-05T14:04:09.115+03:002009-07-05T14:04:09.115+03:00wow thanks a lot for sharing that.. i am in the po...wow thanks a lot for sharing that.. i am in the position to choose in living in ksa, but i have always had doubts that my husband shoots down as lies.. but I can't imagin that story to be a lie.. Not saying that it should be my only reason to refuse moving there, but it is eye opening and shows me how much trust has to be in place to make the decision to make a move to ksa.. thanks a lot for sharing that ;pAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569425364802315563.post-38448398781627839682009-06-21T19:02:29.793+03:002009-06-21T19:02:29.793+03:00hi anonomous, i sure will pray for you and your so...hi anonomous, i sure will pray for you and your son, the reason for me bringing to light my story was to warn other women to prepare and not be naive like i was moving here. I had an awesome saudi husband, but in jeddah when things go wrong our human rights arent there to protect us. I will never regret bringing my kids up here, ive had opportunities I wouldnt of had back in the Uk, but interracial marriages between two such very different cultures need comprimise on both sides we cannot give up how we were brought up and who we should join two cultures together as me and my husband did, sadly his family were not as accomodating. the blog is not meant to destroy saudi, ive spent half my life here, but as a warning when we marry we marry for love but we must be prepared for the worst and protect ourselves and hopefully stop cases like mine and worse happening. Iwish u as much luck as me in a country that is as alien to your ways and that allah gives you strength to be happy, and yes I am muslim :)<br />No partner should ever hold another hostage.asimanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569425364802315563.post-11092907580144794622009-06-02T13:10:49.546+03:002009-06-02T13:10:49.546+03:00I’m a Saudi woman from jeddah. Both my parents are...I’m a Saudi woman from jeddah. Both my parents are saudi. 27 of my 29 years I have lived in Jeddah. I had to move to the united states (after my American husband decided he wanted to go back home, we’ve been married for 10 years now and have a son & he never gave me as much of a hint that living anywhere but Jeddah was a possibility). The day he told me of what he’s thinking, was the day something in me broke. I knew him too well, this is not just a thought, it’s not a suggestion.this was a decision, no room for negotiations or discussions…and it was just that, he said it loud and clear just a few days afterwards: “you either go along with it or I’ll make your life miserable” .I would have asked for a divorce right then without second guessing myself. He wasn’t more important to me than my family, my home, who I am. But divorce is a luxury I cannot ask for at least for years to come, i had a son. My husband is a good father, no matter how bad a husband he is, as long as my son needs him I’ll stay, I’ll try, I’ll make it work. that’s how I ended up in the US. From that day he told me we’re moving, my life went downhill. I have never felt so worthless, so unloved, so disrespected. simply, so depressed & miserable as I do when I’m with him. My life in the US is my worst nightmare come true (due to some discriminating behaviors I faced due to my faith as well as my nationality not to mention my husband who dropped everything arabic the moment he set foot on American soil)I came to realize that I was genuinely & truly happy & fulfilled back home in Jeddah beyond my thought. I didn’t fully appreciate the great parents I had who never dictated a single thought or behavior on me…they provided me with great education (private Saudi schools, not English speaking international ones) that I have a BS and a masters degree among about half a dozen certificates & diplomas, I can speak 4 languages, I practiced diving, horseback riding & played the Oud (my father taught me that)…I had a very active life back in Jeddah, from social gatherings to social work & volunteering…not once in the 27 years I spent back home did I ever feel oppressed or disrespected or even limited….all which my husband & our stay in the US certainly made me feel every single day.I guess what I’m trying to say is that “bad stuff” happen everywhere despite the country. And to be honest, reading your blog made me cry vigorously…maybe because I, in my perfect little life, blocked out the horrible things in my Jeddah that existed in parallel with the wonderful side I was blessed to enjoy. Even though I was involved in volunteering in some social services facilities and met with people in distress all the time…it seems to me now that I managed to leave those stories behind me once I stepped into my life at home, your blog reminded me of all of the good I miss and yearn for and all the manipulation of Islamic laws practiced by selfish sick people and corrupt politicians I, among others, were working to fix as well as heal. I pray for Asima’s family to find peace&love. I pray they dont end up hating Islam or Saudi Arabia,I pray they do not leave Jeddah and never look back, I pray they come back and give it another try someday. I pray the kids do not reject everything Jeddah cause they’ll be rejecting a part of who they are, even who their father was. Having said that, I also pray her in-laws answer to God on judgment day for all that they’ve done to her family, and I pray all interracial marriages start up on complete honesty and careful calculations and considerations not only from both but from their families as well:when you get married, you don’t hook up with 1 individual, u dive into an existing full life with a whole bunch of people. Asima, if you’re reading this…please forgive me if anything I said hurt u in anyway…I pray for u and your children 5 times a day…and I ask u, if u can, squeeze me & my son in yours (regardless of what your faith is, I’m not sure if u’re muslim or not).Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569425364802315563.post-87858744287835457602009-06-02T13:10:36.266+03:002009-06-02T13:10:36.266+03:00I’m a Saudi woman from jeddah. Both my parents are...I’m a Saudi woman from jeddah. Both my parents are saudi. 27 of my 29 years I have lived in Jeddah. I had to move to the united states (after my American husband decided he wanted to go back home, we’ve been married for 10 years now and have a son & he never gave me as much of a hint that living anywhere but Jeddah was a possibility). The day he told me of what he’s thinking, was the day something in me broke. I knew him too well, this is not just a thought, it’s not a suggestion.this was a decision, no room for negotiations or discussions…and it was just that, he said it loud and clear just a few days afterwards: “you either go along with it or I’ll make your life miserable” .I would have asked for a divorce right then without second guessing myself. He wasn’t more important to me than my family, my home, who I am. But divorce is a luxury I cannot ask for at least for years to come, i had a son. My husband is a good father, no matter how bad a husband he is, as long as my son needs him I’ll stay, I’ll try, I’ll make it work. that’s how I ended up in the US. From that day he told me we’re moving, my life went downhill. I have never felt so worthless, so unloved, so disrespected. simply, so depressed & miserable as I do when I’m with him. My life in the US is my worst nightmare come true (due to some discriminating behaviors I faced due to my faith as well as my nationality not to mention my husband who dropped everything arabic the moment he set foot on American soil)I came to realize that I was genuinely & truly happy & fulfilled back home in Jeddah beyond my thought. I didn’t fully appreciate the great parents I had who never dictated a single thought or behavior on me…they provided me with great education (private Saudi schools, not English speaking international ones) that I have a BS and a masters degree among about half a dozen certificates & diplomas, I can speak 4 languages, I practiced diving, horseback riding & played the Oud (my father taught me that)…I had a very active life back in Jeddah, from social gatherings to social work & volunteering…not once in the 27 years I spent back home did I ever feel oppressed or disrespected or even limited….all which my husband & our stay in the US certainly made me feel every single day.I guess what I’m trying to say is that “bad stuff” happen everywhere despite the country. And to be honest, reading your blog made me cry vigorously…maybe because I, in my perfect little life, blocked out the horrible things in my Jeddah that existed in parallel with the wonderful side I was blessed to enjoy. Even though I was involved in volunteering in some social services facilities and met with people in distress all the time…it seems to me now that I managed to leave those stories behind me once I stepped into my life at home, your blog reminded me of all of the good I miss and yearn for and all the manipulation of Islamic laws practiced by selfish sick people and corrupt politicians I, among others, were working to fix as well as heal. I pray for Asima’s family to find peace&love. I pray they dont end up hating Islam or Saudi Arabia,I pray they do not leave Jeddah and never look back, I pray they come back and give it another try someday. I pray the kids do not reject everything Jeddah cause they’ll be rejecting a part of who they are, even who their father was. Having said that, I also pray her in-laws answer to God on judgment day for all that they’ve done to her family, and I pray all interracial marriages start up on complete honesty and careful calculations and considerations not only from both but from their families as well:when you get married, you don’t hook up with 1 individual, u dive into an existing full life with a whole bunch of people. Asima, if you’re reading this…please forgive me if anything I said hurt u in anyway…I pray for u and your children 5 times a day…and I ask u, if u can, squeeze me & my son in yours (regardless of what your faith is, I’m not sure if u’re muslim or not).Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569425364802315563.post-6460398705200679412009-05-09T13:43:00.000+03:002009-05-09T13:43:00.000+03:00I cant wait to hear that Asima left the KSA. I am...I cant wait to hear that Asima left the KSA. I am praying for her!The Cairo Wifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08596924151155119035noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569425364802315563.post-66946206410430434602009-05-03T07:18:00.000+03:002009-05-03T07:18:00.000+03:00Saudi Arabia needs a Suffragettes action like Mrs ...Saudi Arabia needs a Suffragettes action like Mrs Pankhurst and others were successful with.Rainynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569425364802315563.post-63762403723409857252009-04-29T01:39:00.000+03:002009-04-29T01:39:00.000+03:00I have just read Princess by Jean Sasson.. which s...I have just read Princess by Jean Sasson.. which sparked me to do some internet searching and I found your site. Asima's story is heartrending to say the least. Let us all pray and fight for womens rights around the world!martahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12750515514536559552noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569425364802315563.post-31797659098967634802009-04-28T11:18:00.000+03:002009-04-28T11:18:00.000+03:00Susie, I found your blog today through Global Post...Susie, I found your blog today through Global Post. I was fascinated with Asima's story, and I pray that the end of her troubles really is in sight. Thank you--and Asima--for sharing such an important story, and thank you for sharing it in such a sympathetic, gripping, and all-around well-written way.Deborahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10249491905813918066noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569425364802315563.post-57170578650040752012009-04-28T03:31:00.000+03:002009-04-28T03:31:00.000+03:00Powerful writing. Reminds me much of the story of...Powerful writing. Reminds me much of the story of Carmen bin Laden. Excellent tale teller you are, Susie!Lowellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15305748075301453010noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569425364802315563.post-60793206883758859342009-04-26T22:41:00.000+03:002009-04-26T22:41:00.000+03:00It is heartbreaking to imagine the wives of these ...It is heartbreaking to imagine the wives of these men who ended up not protecting the kids, and leaving on their own. I have met one of them here in Austin. And she spends most of her days crying about what could have been.<br /><br />I am so proud of you Asima, and you too Susie for not being afraid to share. I love you both dearly and can't wait for your happy ending.Yaseminhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09511727103777114798noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569425364802315563.post-10067043282280621582009-04-26T20:10:00.000+03:002009-04-26T20:10:00.000+03:00Excellent story. So overwhelming. Unfortunately ...Excellent story. So overwhelming. Unfortunately men all over the world, in all walks of life, feel entitled to abuse women. Not all men . . . just some men. Ilse.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569425364802315563.post-54453904309602377382009-04-26T11:54:00.000+03:002009-04-26T11:54:00.000+03:00Susie - great posts on an important topic - thanks...Susie - great posts on an important topic - thanks. <br /><br />I'd like to add one note - a resource some (American) women here in Kingdom might not be aware of and might need at some point if they find themselves in a situation like you described. <br /><br />There's a group called American Domestic Violence Crisis Line that helps (American) women in abusive or dangerous domestic situations here in Saudi. They can help with legal issues, financial issues, escapes, child custody - you name it. <br /><br />I <A HREF="http://sandgetsinmyeyes.blogspot.com/2008/09/lifeline-link-for-american-women.html" REL="nofollow">posted</A> on the group awhile back. Their toll-free number from Saudi is 001-866-879-6636 and everything is kept confidential. They also have an email (crisis@866uswomen.org).<br /><br />As you said, we all hope for happy endings, but they don't always come to pass. When that happens, it's nice to know there are places you can turn for help.<br /><br />Please let Asima know she (and you) did the right thing in putting her story out there. Information and knowledge are power - and empowering.<br /><br />God bless you both and good luck!Lorihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10668192168400882599noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569425364802315563.post-36991744321272294582009-04-26T06:09:00.000+03:002009-04-26T06:09:00.000+03:00Well done Susie, my heart goes out to Asima and he...Well done Susie, my heart goes out to Asima and her children... I do believe karma comes back around.bellafiammahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08200215984060944126noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569425364802315563.post-61774515972729453362009-04-25T15:50:00.000+03:002009-04-25T15:50:00.000+03:00You got an award waiting :) please pick it up here...You got an award waiting :) please pick it up here ..<br /><br />http://desertrosebooklogue.blogspot.com/2009/04/lets-be-friends-award.htmlDesert Rosehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16546257933457126745noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569425364802315563.post-28905833002222439212009-04-25T00:23:00.000+03:002009-04-25T00:23:00.000+03:00Hi Mel - Thank you very much for your comment. As...Hi Mel - Thank you very much for your comment. Asima is very humble and gives much of the credit for her survival to a few good friends and her driver. I think many people would have crumbled in her shoes - she is a very strong woman. <br /><br />Hi Postcards - We are all rooting for her and hopefully I'll be able to write her final chapter soon. <br /><br />Hi AnnMarie - Thanks so much for commenting...<br /><br />Hi CoolRed - You are so right - Abusers know what buttons to push and where/how to inflict the most hurt possible. I think you and Asima are cut from the same cloth.<br /><br />Hi Anon/V from Canada - There are a few Western women that I know of here who do have their own busineses. One is a photographer, another had a catering business, etc. If the religious police were alerted that there was contact between men and women going on, there could potentially be trouble. Women are not allowed to hold sales positions, with a few exceptions. There are very few women employed outside of education and healthcare. I know of some in news reporting and a few other fields. <br /><br />Hi Ralph - Yes, that's me, however I am brand new to it and haven't really started Twittering yet, but I should be soon.<br /><br />Hi LadyFi - Thanks for taking the time to tell me how much you enjoyed reading Asima's story.<br /><br />Hi Michaelle - Asima is reading the comments, so she knows... thanks so much. <br /><br />Hi Puca - I agree - real families come together in times of crisis and support each other. Thanks for what you wrote.Susie of Arabiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13315336613944665651noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569425364802315563.post-16555968574098778632009-04-24T18:10:00.000+03:002009-04-24T18:10:00.000+03:00I do not understand why a family behaves like this...I do not understand why a family behaves like this. Family means union, love, care, no matter your colour, faith or sex gender. Sometimes misunderstanding happens. But that family had a wrong family conception. They should have thought above all she and the kids were all he fighted and cared for, and only for that should have fight for her, not against her. I'm sorry for all what Asima had to go through.Why nothttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03696250850424466408noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569425364802315563.post-1439350888299084952009-04-24T14:24:00.000+03:002009-04-24T14:24:00.000+03:00Hi Susie -- I'm going to be late for work because ...Hi Susie -- I'm going to be late for work because I couldn't stop reading this series. Please tell Asima that there are people around the world wishing her happiness. If you know that wonderful driver, please tell him the same thing.Michaellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18043359975829329545noreply@blogger.com