tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569425364802315563.post5514980068862242027..comments2024-03-29T09:13:15.326+03:00Comments on SUSIE of ARABIA: First Wives ClubSusie of Arabiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13315336613944665651noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569425364802315563.post-24600667220796973532016-10-19T00:23:17.342+03:002016-10-19T00:23:17.342+03:00I am a sociologist. I don't know about resear...I am a sociologist. I don't know about research on Muslims, but within Mormons and other groups, wives report a higher degree of marital satisfaction than they do in monogamy. One thought is they aren't responsible for all the man's needs. Additionally, there are wives for social support, and they have more time for their own interests or careers. Historically, it has always been seen as a way to deal with widows and children. Let's be honest. Charity begins at home. People would not donate as much money to a charity as they would give to family. And, children, especially young ones, benefit from a father. Traditionally, men were lost to war, and the number of widows was higher. Canada had a WWI poster I loved. It showed a woman and child in silhouette, obviously in an office, and the caption was to the effect that while one couldn't serve, could she, the war widow, be forgotten.<br /><br />I think money has a lot to do with it, either earned by the man, or in combination with a wife, but it is much more than money. Women marry for security and men marry for sex. Love is physical for men, and emotional for women. Obviously, those are broad generalizations, and, they don't apply to everyone. But, happiness seems to derive from what people want from marriage. <br /><br />Sociology teaches to consider things without the benefit of our personal social values. It is a style that many people want. It isn't my place to judge.DMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08655066989383769853noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569425364802315563.post-49173305023857602852015-07-01T17:48:06.531+03:002015-07-01T17:48:06.531+03:00Susie,
I completely agree with you - Islam does n...Susie,<br /><br />I completely agree with you - Islam does not permit you to have more than one wife unless you can treat them EQUALLY in every way, which is impossible for men to do. There is no way I would accept my husband taking a second wife, and women that do become second/third/fourth wives are equally responsible for the heartbreak and suffering caused to the first wife.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569425364802315563.post-72987018290192977592015-04-27T00:15:35.281+03:002015-04-27T00:15:35.281+03:00Hi PKA - Racism? I think not. 99.9% of the time w...Hi PKA - Racism? I think not. 99.9% of the time when a man takes on another wife, it is for one of the reasons I mentioned. I doubt there are any statistics out there concerning this topic, but all the cases I personally know about were for one of the three reasons I gave. There are very few women on this planet, Muslim or otherwise, who willingly wish to share their husbands with other women. I am proud to be a feminist.Susie of Arabiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13315336613944665651noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569425364802315563.post-81333918809385991552015-04-23T19:50:44.996+03:002015-04-23T19:50:44.996+03:00i also think that it is fading trend but maybe you...i also think that it is fading trend but maybe you start exposing your self to the society more or by chance you stumble into more cases. Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13113273952822702189noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569425364802315563.post-64069743292420368322015-04-17T05:34:49.781+03:002015-04-17T05:34:49.781+03:00 My thoughts on this are that there are three poss... My thoughts on this are that there are three possible situations where a woman might become a first and only wife in America: <br />1 – She is desperate, a divorcee, old, ugly or a widow and wants the security for herself and or/her children. <br />2 – She becomes a wife unwittingly because the man wasn’t honest with her. <br />3 – She actively pursues a married man because she sees that he is wealthy and she doesn’t care that she is destroying a marriage and a family in the process. <br />Its easy to talk bad about other cultures and faiths specially when you think you are far superior to them. Your post reeks of racism and feminism.PKAnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569425364802315563.post-64555993770600346462015-03-25T10:45:00.486+03:002015-03-25T10:45:00.486+03:00[Quran 4:3] If you deem it best for the orphans, y...[Quran 4:3] If you deem it best for the orphans, you may marry their mothers - you may marry two, three, or four. If you fear lest you become unfair, then you shall be content with only one, or with what you already have. Additionally, you are thus more likely to avoid financial hardship.<br /><br />[Quran 4:129] You can never be equitable in dealing with more than one wife, no matter how hard you try. Therefore, do not be so biased as to leave one of them hanging (neither enjoying marriage, nor left to marry someone else). If you correct this situation and maintain righteousness, God is Forgiver, Most Merciful. <br /><br />Anna LauraAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569425364802315563.post-2023194441907417022015-03-17T08:57:23.352+03:002015-03-17T08:57:23.352+03:00Hi Susie, I am in a multiple wives situation and m...Hi Susie, I am in a multiple wives situation and my co-wife and I are even building a house together (seperate of course). It is never the best thing, and men can be selfish, but I think there are reasons for it still in the world especially in an Arab system where men will almost never agree to marry a woman divorced or widowed if they have not been through the same. In Islam, this mindeset didn't exist but I see it these days and it breaks my heart, especially for girls divorced badly by a jerk. If their personality fit and my husband was financially capable, I'd be okay he marry two more women. Now you probably think I am a crazy weirdo, but I have never been desperate (financially or because of kids). I work, have a career where I have my own house, my own food, buy everything for my kids and myself (my husband offers, but I like the independence I have from this). My co-wife is also a working woman and not depserate. However, if we both were sick, our husband would only be able to cover the needs of two families (he isn't rich) and time-wise, with our ammount of kids, being a good father in terms of time would be hard if he had to keep working. If he was retired and had money that would be a different thing....<br /><br />(Islamically, infertility isn't a reason---the Prophet S.A.W couldn't have kids with most of his wives and his reasons for marrying them was never due to this fact)---I'd only say infertility was an okay reason to marry again if it was the first wife's suggestion---if SHE wanted kids and he could have but she couldn't. Since I know one muslim woman whose case was this, I think it is fine. I also know another muslim woman who had kids and a busy career and told her husband to marry another wife (who no one would marry because the girl couldn't have kids) so that she could share her security and happiness with another woman she cared about and yet keep a lot of time for her kids.<br /><br /> I think it is only only okay when the husband marries an orphan (she can even be a convert with no family), a divorcee or widow. That's what the Qu'ran says. If a man just married a younger version of his first wife, I don't think I would ever be okay with that. Also hiding it---that is wrong since in Islam the point of the wedding feast is to make the marriage known and public.<br /><br />The reason men do it is simple, because they can, but the scholars should follow the restrictions the qu'ran made on it and the example of the Prophet S.A.W... and the marriage should be known to the first wife befor eit happens. She has the right to divorce if she doesn't like it, and should make a divorce payment in her marriage contracts so she has alminoy in this case---and the man man isn't allowed to pay the new dowry/maher until he pays the divorce settlement.... That's the best way, keeping with Islam, the sunah, and a woman's rights in Islam.<br /><br />And the culture of a virgin man can only marry a virgin wife should change. INsaudi arabia especially, there are many poor young men who want to marry---they should marry financially sound widows and divorcees, and would find, they have happiness in these women perhaps even greater than they could with a young virgin girl they would not be able to provide for.<br /><br />Like the Prophet S.A.W and his first (and only during her lifetime) wife, Khadijah, R.A.<br /><br />-from a woman pro polgyny (I have been at times, an only-wife, a second-wife, and a first-wife), but anti the misogynist version of it most often practiced.Omani Princess (not Omani...yet)https://www.blogger.com/profile/11738377563210269837noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569425364802315563.post-54953530762524047962015-03-11T13:18:28.653+03:002015-03-11T13:18:28.653+03:00It's simple - because they can. I don't k...It's simple - because they can. I don't know that it is changing. I just didn't know that many women before that this has happened to. Susie of Arabiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13315336613944665651noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569425364802315563.post-57259549644664466192015-03-10T17:48:59.611+03:002015-03-10T17:48:59.611+03:00Interesting. Why do you think that it's changi...Interesting. Why do you think that it's changing. That men marry mutiple wives?Czech wifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07360151694696346405noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569425364802315563.post-21841776854127837322015-03-07T08:52:15.747+03:002015-03-07T08:52:15.747+03:00Thankfully I am glad to say that neither I or my h...Thankfully I am glad to say that neither I or my husband agree that 2nd marriage is necessary in these times... Another issue is people practicing plural-marriage in places like Canada, usually being financially unstable immigrants who take advantage of the system. Or it's some goof who preys on naive Muslim women who are new to the religion or don't know any better and use them. The value and ideals of a solid-based marriage are constantly being manipulated and twisted to suit whoever benefits from it. <br /><br />Can't wait for part 2!Desert Housewife A. (The Canadian in Jubail)https://www.blogger.com/profile/13322740753145278710noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569425364802315563.post-66199441948722770952015-03-02T08:30:39.354+03:002015-03-02T08:30:39.354+03:00In my experience, people will come up with " ...In my experience, people will come up with " reasons" for whatever they want to do. We practiced polyandry in some places around here...because " not all men are good at all things". Lol! Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569425364802315563.post-66001435613377601612015-03-01T01:24:30.991+03:002015-03-01T01:24:30.991+03:00Hi Lori - I'm not by any means suggesting that...Hi Lori - I'm not by any means suggesting that the discrimination against women here is respectful. I'm just explaining that it is the way many Saudis see it, including many women. It is definitely a man's world here.Susie of Arabiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13315336613944665651noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569425364802315563.post-42976974503480026452015-03-01T00:14:31.374+03:002015-03-01T00:14:31.374+03:00Susie, I know westerners have a different perspect...Susie, I know westerners have a different perspective on many things, but I still find it hard to believe that all the discrimination is respectful. It appears to me that the men can do whatever and the women are very restricted (in the name of protection).Lori Skooghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03458010787337492501noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569425364802315563.post-49103616107338656482015-02-28T13:15:59.870+03:002015-02-28T13:15:59.870+03:00Thanks, Anonymous. I have avoided this topic for l...Thanks, Anonymous. I have avoided this topic for long enough!Susie of Arabiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13315336613944665651noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569425364802315563.post-71369661827277411962015-02-28T13:15:25.850+03:002015-02-28T13:15:25.850+03:00Hi Lori - Thank you. Surprisingly enough, many th...Hi Lori - Thank you. Surprisingly enough, many things that westerners see as being disrespectful to women are viewed as protecting the women here. It's all in the perspective. It is hard for westerners to see it that way.Susie of Arabiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13315336613944665651noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569425364802315563.post-11340777576203142372015-02-28T08:00:45.877+03:002015-02-28T08:00:45.877+03:00Well written and explained for those who are "...Well written and explained for those who are "confused" about why this happens in Islam. Cant wait for part 2!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569425364802315563.post-22528462685349052422015-02-28T03:48:14.576+03:002015-02-28T03:48:14.576+03:00Susie, there is absolutely nothing that surprises ...Susie, there is absolutely nothing that surprises me when it comes to SA regarding the positions held by men and women. I would be stoned to death for the attitude I have regarding these issues. Over and over and over and over again....women are not respected. I feel sorry for them and wonder if they are so trapped they just have to give in to all these insane "traditions." How you are able to not only live there, but have to watch what is going on...amazes me. You are a very strong woman.Lori Skooghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03458010787337492501noreply@blogger.com