Widowed in Saudi Arabia, Part 3

This is Part 3 of a 4-part series. Click here for Part 1.


A  sima’s husband had been happiest at home in their garden, so she and her children planted a tree in their courtyard in his honor, so the children could remember him in the peaceful place that he loved.

In Islam, when a woman is widowed or children are orphaned, the blood relatives are supposed to take care of them. Abdul’s family ended up providing her with a small monthly allowance, which was not really enough to support her family. So she was forced to look for work to support herself and the kids and was able to secure a minimal paying job as a teacher’s assistant in a pre-school. Education and medicine are two of the very few fields in which women are allowed to work in Saudi Arabia because women and men are forbidden to work alongside one another in this strictly segregated society.

It was a battle with her in-laws to keep Faris in a Western school, and in the end Asima prevailed, although the family would only pay for the very cheapest Western school they could find. Asima was able to take Jannah to the school where she worked, without the knowledge of her in-laws since they were against sending the three-year- old girl to school. Somehow her in-laws never found out that she was working. They tried to control every aspect of their lives. They told her how she should dress, how to raise her kids, that she couldn’t leave the house when her son was at school. She sought help from the British Consulate but because she had dual nationality, they refused to help her, not that they would have been much help in a country like Saudi Arabia anyway. Asima hadn’t had any time to grieve for her husband because she had to remain strong for her kids. She was tired, but she couldn’t give up and let them win.

Through a good friend who encouraged her and helped her get the job and to face life without her husband, she gained strength and hope.

The in-laws took Asima to court under the pretext that they were trying to get her widow’s social security payments. Luckily her good friend sent along a translator for Asima and was it ever a good idea that she did! The hearing was an attempt to gain control over Asima’s finances and to force her to sell her home. The judge realized what was going on and denied her father-in-law these rights. She was VERY lucky to get this judge – many judges here in KSA would have ruled against her just because she’s a woman. Her father-in-law stormed off, leaving Asima and her toddler standing on the street outside the courthouse in the blazing sun. She had no idea where they were. Her father-in-law was so angry that he stopped providing her measly monthly allowance and didn’t speak to Asima for months. Months later, he tried once again to get her to sell the house. He took her to a little dumpy apartment, telling her that this would be her new home, that she didn’t need that big house. She had finally had enough. Raging, Asima screamed at her father-in-law, “I refuse to sell my house! That home is everything that Abdul worked for!” Abdul's father backed down, knowing that he had pushed her too far this time.

Asima has also had to endure extreme harassment from Abdul’s brother Gamal. He has stalked her, terrorized her, attacked her, accused her of immoral behavior, barged into her home, threatened her, and scared her children to death by his strange and inappropriate behavior. It all came to an end a few months ago when Faris was able to stand up to him and told him to leave them alone – or else! Gamal broke down into tears, apologizing for his strange behavior, and claimed the devil had made him do it! He did promise to leave them alone and so far, he has been good to his word. This chapter in their lives made Abdul’s family realize that Faris is a man and no longer the child they used to be able to push around.

Over the years, there were moments of hope when Asima thought she might be able to leave the country with her children, only to be shot down time after time. When her son would reach a certain age, she was told, he could legally be made his mother’s and his sister’s Mahram (guardian), but strangely the required age kept changing, from 15 to 18 then to 21. She has watched her son grow into a man, but his grandfather denied him permission to study abroad, so he stays home now, bored, depressed and languishing while they wait for the day when they will be able to leave this country that has been like the family’s prison for the last eight years. Faris cannot work because no employer will hire him here with only a high school diploma. This is the dismal future Asima’s in-laws have given Faris, not the one his parents had envisioned for him. Many teenagers in Saudi Arabia become depressed or get into trouble because there are very few activities they can participate in. Little Jannah has been traumatized by the actions of the in-laws so much that she fears any man wearing a white thobe and has serious trust issues.

Financially Asima has struggled to make ends meet month after month. She has done freelance writing for a couple of major newspapers, has taught ESL to a very prominent Saudi family, serves as an amazing source of valuable information to the ex-pat community in Saudi Arabia, and surprisingly feels she has actually been given some job opportunities here that she may not have had elsewhere.

Four years ago her father-in-law passed away, and it pains her to say this, but her son Faris was so happy about it. Asima always wanted to keep peace in the family, but they made it impossible. So much so that Faris hated his grandfather and rejoiced when he learned of his death. It was definitely a relief for Asima and her children.

** You just read Part 3 of 4. Proceed to Part 4.