Sunday, October 25, 2009

My Perfect Wedding

When I was a young girl, I never really dreamed about having a big church wedding like many girls do. I don't know why. Maybe it was because I was never a real frilly girlie-girl, growing up as the only girl in a household of four lively brothers. I guess I was more of a tom-boy than anything, always trying to keep up with my brothers to prevent them from teasing me too much, although teasing me was part of their daily sustenance, much like breathing, sleeping, and sunshine. All my life, I have always marched to my own drum, and I guess some would say that I have often taken more unconventional paths than most.



Susie and AdnanI had met my future husband Adnan when we were students at the university (see my previous post called How I Met My Prince), as many couples do. From the start he had been honest with me about how he would return to his native country of Saudi Arabia after he completed his studies, would marry a Saudi girl, raise his family and live out his life there. I had fallen fast and hard for him, but I accepted what he had told me and appreciated his honesty, although deep in the corners of my mind, I secretly hoped that he would eventually realize that he loved me so much that he couldn't possibly live without me. I knew that my happily-ever-after scenario was not likely to happen though, and it was not something that I let myself dwell on or believe. I tried to take it just one day at a time, being thankful for whatever time we did have together. And each one-day-at-a-time ultimately turned into twelve long years. Whether he had intended to or not, Adnan had become a member of my family, was always included in family functions, and our names were always spoken together as one: Susie and Adnan, or Adnan and Susie.

When Adnan finally finished his studies and earned his PhD, it was a bittersweet occasion for me. I was happy for him that he had achieved his goal, but I also knew that our time together - twelve years - was nearing its end. Indeed he left Arizona and returned to Saudi Arabia as he had always said he would. But a strange thing happened. He wasn't able to land a job in his field. Frustrated and disappointed, he returned to the states six months later for a visit, and I picked him up at the airport. As soon as we arrived at my house, Adnan swept me up in his arms and he proposed to me! I was flabbergasted and bursting with joy. I had never really allowed myself to dream or to believe until that moment that we might actually have a future together. He again returned back to Arabia, continued looking for work, and made plans to return to visit me once more in Arizona that December. Adnan arrived one week before Christmas, and we immediately decided to get married right away, with no pre-planning. Since most of my immediate family would be flying in from all over the USA to spend the holidays at my mom's house in my small hometown on the Mexican border in Arizona, we decided to have a surprise wedding.

Susie and AdnanWhen I called my mom to tell her of our sudden plans to marry a couple days before Christmas, she was thrilled and sprung into action. After a twelve-year long courtship, Adnan and I gave my wonderful mother just five days to organize and plan a wedding which was to take place at her house two days before Christmas. Plus on top of all that, she had a houseful of out-of-town guests to contend with! My mom was an amazingly good sport about the whole thing and took it all in stride. After all, she had raised my brothers and me all by herself after my dad passed away when I was eleven. She could certainly handle all the details of a last minute wedding right before Christmas. All I really had to do was get my dress and a suit for Adnan.

With only five days to stage an entire wedding in the middle of the winter holiday season, there was, of course no time to send out formal invitations. So, the wedding guests were all invited by word of mouth and phone calls. My mom's home was already decorated for the holidays, so the wedding theme was a logical no brainer. There was no time for me to get upset about any wedding plans that might have gone awry, no time to fret over those little minute details that drive some brides nuts. My mom ordered a beautiful three-tier cake from the local supermarket, as well as party platters of hors d’oeuvres. A family friend was enlisted to take photos of the event, and one of my brothers volunteered to video-tape our wedding and reception. My brothers' wives and my nieces attended to the decorations, elaborately utilizing the colors of red and white for the poinsettias, linens, netting and bows, in keeping with the holiday theme. The entire wedding cost a paltry $500. But in my eyes, it couldn't have turned out any nicer.

Susie and Adnan on their wedding daySome friends changed their holiday plans and made the two hour drive from Tucson down to my hometown so they could celebrate our special day with us. Several of my childhood friends were also able to come, since they too happened to be home for the holidays. And the congregation from the church I attended since I was a little girl was invited in a special announcement during the church services that morning.

That freezing December day almost two decades ago was one of the coldest days ever. But even the bitter cold couldn't put a damper on the festivities that day when seventy-five of my friends and relatives gathered at my mom’s home, crammed into her warm and cozy living room and were witness to something we all had thought we would never see - my marriage to the love of my life Adnan. And with my mom’s twinkling Christmas tree as the backdrop, we said our vows to each other. I can tell you, there were not many dry eyes in the place. The only things that could have possibly made that day any better than it was would have been if my one brother who was on active duty in Desert Storm could have been there, and also if Adnan could have had some of his family there. Aside from that, it was flawless. It was truly a joyous day. The day was so surreal because I had never really let myself believe for one minute it would ever happen. There was so little time to prepare for it that nothing could have possibly gone wrong - it was totally stress-free. How many brides can say that? Everything went off without a hitch. My wedding day was perfect for me.

47 comments:

  1. What a nice story! I have a similar one, except that I was one who traveled all the way to Panama to get married. My husband's mom planned a wedding in a couple of days too. Except for my daughter, none of my family was present. I bought my wedding dress at Express the day before I was to leave.

    Sometimes, the most spontaneous moments are the best moments. You two look gorgeous in your photo!

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  2. You are so pretty, Susie and you were a beautiful bride. I'm absolutely flabberghasted that your mom could have organized a wedding in 5 days. What a super woman she is.

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  3. Susie, what a great little story. Strange how doing things last minute work while other things planned are ruined.
    I have been following your blog for sometime and I am beyond amazed how creative you are. Do you even realize how incrediably creative you are---
    I look forward to following you topics on this blog.

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  4. This story brought tears to my eyes all these decades later. A lovely wedding. And Adnan is still a handsome man, as you are still a beautiful lady.
    You must be missing him.

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  5. So romantic... you made my cry.
    You are wonderful together, and I wish you so much more joy and happy things in your lives.

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  6. Susie - I so enjoyed reading your love story! I'm curious...how many weddings then have you and Adnan have? Did you have an islamic marriage too? My spouse and I had three different weddings - 1 civil and 2 religious. And then when I arrived in Saudi Arabia his extended family through a lovely welcome party very similar to a wedding reception.

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  7. Awwww Susie! after reading that post, I sighed big time w/ feel good feelings :-D Thanks for this lovely post. You, Adnan & Adam stay safe & happy ALWAYS!

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  8. That was beautiful Suzie. Thank you! I needed to hear a happy story.

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  9. Susie,

    I would like to do an interview with you on my blog! About how you feel about women's rights in Saudi Arabia compared to women in the United States. Also how you feel about Muslim women living Saudi Arabia verses the states.

    Oh, my name is Ghada. I just started out my blog.

    It can be found here: ghadasworld.blogspot.com

    I have following your blog for months! My e-mail is: ghadaalamin@gmail.com

    Thanks so much.

    Ghada Alamin

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  10. Oh Susie! I should have kept my Kleenex handy! What a beautiful story. Suddenly, it all makes sense.

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  11. What a beautiful story! It is neat to be able to peek into to your heart and life, Thanks. May you have many more happy years together : )

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  12. A really lovely story, and I am always impressed by how when necessary, families can pull a wedding together right quick. All the best in your next 2 decades of marriage and beyond!

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  13. So romantic and sweet that he proposed as he did. He obviously did not want to let you get away..

    Your wedding sounds lovely and right up my alley. Hate stress and pre0-planning so hubby and I eloped to Hawaii and let the parents throw us a party when we got back. Worked for us :) Almost 18 years now.

    You made a beautiful bride for your handsome groom. Lovely you two have weathered so much together..

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  14. I really enjoyed reading about your wedding. My husband and I also had a semi surprise wedding. During our engagement we were living in different cities and we had agreed that we would wait a year before getting married. I was a student at the time and a month before summer ended we decided that we couldn't wait a whole year. In a month our families arranged a elaborate and fancy reception for over three hundred people!

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  15. This is the sweetest story! :)

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  16. Thanks for this touching story. Gives me more insight into you and your family.

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  17. Holiday weddings are the best. I got married in December too, but mine was weirdly warm. I am very impressed that you did it for just $500. It's like you eloped but still got to have your family and friends around you. What a beautiful story. Thanks for sharing :)

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  18. now that's a fairytale wedding, it's amazing how simple and beautiful it was. congratualtions, though it's very late, lol

    :)

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  19. Wonderfull story Susie. I am your fan always.

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  20. Only true love lasts forever ! Congratulations for you both !

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  21. You must have grown up in Nogales, AZ, or one of the others nearby. I can just imagine the feast of colors in that little town at Christmas.

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  22. You must have grown up in Nogales, AZ, or one of the others nearby. I can just imagine the feast of colors in that little town at Christmas.

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  23. What a lovely end to such a nice story...and love keeps going on!!

    Just wonderful!

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  24. How lovely Susie....hope you live happily ever after.

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  25. You were a beautiful bride because you were beautiful inside too and you are still beautiful!
    I’m sure your family misses you very much too.

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  26. Wow Susie - a very touching love story. You and Adnan both looked radiantly beautiful and handsome - the happiness shines through ...

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  27. Susie--off topic--I just did a post on Tara's blog and linked both your blogs. It is on the very important topic of Blogging & Ethics and I would really value your opinion on the topic:
    http://taraummomar.blogspot.com/2009/10/blogging-ethics-part-i-fhws-elsi.html
    Thanks!

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  28. WOWWWWww. Now thats what I called a true love story..I'm actually dating a saudi guy here in the states, he is also from jeddah.We have been dating for about 7 month now.HE is always talking about his city how its so beautifull, and the beaches.
    hope to hear from yu soon.

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  29. A truly amazing love story mashallah. May you always be blessed. sf

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  30. A truly amazing love story mashallah. May you always be blessed. sf

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  31. What a lovely couple and beautiful love story!

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  32. The information here is great. I will invite my friends here.

    Thanks

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  33. What a lovely story MashaAllah. I make du'a for your happiness in this life and the next.

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  34. Hi :) I have a few questions?

    Is your husband a Muslim? Are you Muslim? If not, then how can you afford to remain as a non-Muslim while your husband is a Muslim throughout your entire marriage life? :) How can you not believe in your husband's religion yet still love him?

    A few questions from someone who is also married :)

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  35. Hi Mariam - You are asking some pretty personal questions here. My love for my husband does not have anything to do with his religion or my own beliefs. I don't understand what you mean by how I can "afford" to not become a Muslim. Religion is not a topic I like to discuss - I feel it causes lots of arguments because people all have their own beliefs - and no one ever wins. My husband and I have been together since 1977 and religion has never come between us. So your questions don't make sense to me.

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  36. I understand that she asked if Adnan was Muslim because you were his girlfriend and had unmarried relations with him for 12 years.
    I also think to Mariam you seem like an anomaly because you haven't converted. You also do not seem to understand Islam (whether you accept it or reject it), which seems odd for as long as you have been together.
    It doesn't seem like you really respect his culture and religion in some way in each post. Your life seems very focused on America, your family and your values and not on a melding of lives and cultures. The thoughts you share on Arabs and Muslims come across somewhat Eurocentric and you generalize.
    I think you were on to something when you mentioned your attitude affecting the quality of your life (in your abaya article).
    Perhaps instead of feeling so displaced, home can be anywhere that you are with the love of your life.

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    1. Anon:

      I have to comment on this statement:

      "Perhaps instead of feeling so displaced, home can be anywhere that you are with the love of your life."

      Wrong.

      Having to live life through the freedom of another is not living nor will it sustain you.


      One does not live in the shadows of another without creating resentment at some point.

      You must be very young or you must be very selfish not to fully understand just how wrong that statement is and how selfish it is as well.

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  37. Dear Anonymous - You make it sound so simple, but you have no idea what my life is like here. I have no connection to "my home" here at all. I moved here in my mid-50s (imagine your own mother moving to a place like Saudi Arabia at this point in her life) with 2 suitcases, because my husband told me I can get whatever I need here. I did not pick out our furniture and it is not my taste. I have nothing sentimental to me here, except my husband. After more than five years here, I still have no driver and my husband hates to drive. How do you think you would like living, having to depend on your husband for every little thing you need? Yes, I love my husband and that is why I'm here, but that doesn't mean I need to keep my mouth shut about things that bother me.
    You obviously have not read all of my posts when you say that "in each post" I seem to put down his culture and religion. I don't like discussing religion at all, and my beliefs are very personal to me and no one else's business. I have written many wonderful things about my life here. Everyone goes through different phases living here. At first, it is all so exotic and mind boggling. Then after the first year or so, reality sets in and things begin to frustrate you - because it seems that anything to make life more difficult is the policy here. There are good times and bad times, just like anywhere in the world.
    If Islam is so doggone easy to understand, then why are there so many different interpretations by scholars - and why can't people just decide for themselves instead of looking to these scholars for their rulings?
    I give respect where respect is due - some things are great here, but there are also things I don't like or understand about life here. So many things do not make any sense and made to be much harder than they need to be. Just ask anyone who lives here.

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  38. Hi Susie, this is a V unusual/interesting blog! (BTW, I grew up in Tucson, AZ; there were a LOT of Arab male students there.) One of my single/female friends recently moved back to Bangladesh & is having a tough time adjusting- she left when she was 7 (like me). I do know families who have had good experiences living/working in KSA, but they were very well off/educated South Asians. Keep on writing!

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    1. Hi KnightleyEmma - I'm sorry your friend is having a difficult time adjusting to life in Bangladesh. It's not easy trying to adapt to a culture that you are not used to. I do hope things improve for her.

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  39. Hi Susie,

    I have been watching your post since you started it and I loved the way you posted pictures about the great city Jeddah. And finally one day came and my dream came true of working in Jeddah. But I never thought my journey to jeddah would end so soon as I came back to my home country. I was feeling very insecure and thought it would be tough moving to a city full of restrictions with my family.

    Anyhow, making it short - Now am looking to relocate to a country like Qatar or Dubai. I know the cost of living is too high compared to Saudi Arabia but I just cant go with such restrictions.

    Good luck and good wishes for your future and family..

    Allah hafiz

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    1. Hi Imtiaz - Thanks for your comment. I'm sorry things didn't work out for you here in Jeddah. I do wish you all the best in whatever you do and wherever you go!

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  40. Its so nice to hear a couple like u is still loving ..not broken up.
    May Allah always bless u lot of love. I love the way how u write.
    Did u also geT a Saudi nationality?

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  41. Hi Mary - Thanks for your comment. I do not have the Saudi nationality and do not know if I ever will. The requirements have become more stringent and it is not as easy to get now as it used to be.

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