Saudi Wedding Album

The gorgeous bride and her beautiful mom.  I love this photo!

This is a very special and a very long post.  There are more pictures in this post than I have ever published before in a single post.  I've shown photos from Saudi weddings before, but never like this.  I hope you will enjoy coming along with me step by step, inside a Saudi wedding that I attended on Valentine's Day (I know, right? How romantic!) here in Jeddah. 

Above is a photo of the decorated car the bride and groom would leave the reception in.  Some wedding cars I have seen in the past have been so completely covered in decoratations that I don't know how the driver could see out the windshield!  

Saudi weddings are notorious for starting very late at night and running until daybreak!  This wedding was held at a grand new hotel I had been dying to see - and I finally got my chance last month.  I was actually one of the first guests to arrive at about 10:30pm. But it gave me a chance to take photos of the splendid ballroom which oozed elegance and was embellished with gold accents and enormous floral arrangements.  

The atmosphere of the luxurious ballroom was swathed with dreamy violet lighting and embellished with moving sunray shapes projected up onto the walls.  There were so many sparkling crystal chandeliers up above on the ceiling that I lost count of how many there were!  I just loved the purple lighting and the shadows.  

The wedding hall was truly magical and almost surreal in its grandeur - it was definitely what fairy tales are made of. Simply a perfect way to start off a marriage.  

Each table was adorned with sweets and treats, dates and chocolates and other bite sized goodies.  We were offered our choice of fancy juice drinks with sugared rims.  FYI - Alcoholic beverages are strictly prohibited in Saudi Arabia.  Consequently, the large choice of different juice drinks is like no other place I have ever been.  

The sensational multi-layered wedding cake was decorated with beautiful fresh flowers in pinks, blues and purples.  It was on display in a corner of the stunning ballroom next to the stage.  

Saudi Arabia also has an amazing selection of regional sweet dates - I never knew there were so many varieties until I moved here! We certainly don't get such a wide selection of dates like this in the USA...

As more and more female guests arrived at the wedding over the next hour or so, soon the wedding hall was packed with hundreds of gorgeous women dressed to the nines, with their hair and makeup professionally done, in dazzling high heels and sparkly dangling earrings.  

This is the table of wedding guests that I sat with - friends of the mother of the bride, mostly expat women like myself who are married to Saudi men.  Typically traditional Saudi weddings are gender segregated.  Quite often the men's wedding event is held on a different night at a different venue.  Of course I've never been to a men's wedding in Saudi Arabia, but there are plenty of videos available online that show what goes on at one - lots of singing and sword dancing!

The singer for the evening - she had a lovely voice and sang in Arabic

Some Saudi women's weddings have music and dancing, and some don't, depending on what the bride's preference is.  Most weddings I have been to here in Saudi Arabia have a dance floor which is more like a long catwalk, where graceful women in flowing gowns, dripping in glittering jewels, glide and wiggle to the music up and down the runway.  Saudi women seem to have this very sensual way of moving - a talent I don't have... sigh. Weddings are a common venue in this culture to scout out a potential future bride for a relative - like one's brother, son, or nephew - who might be ready for marriage.  

This is the happy mother of the bride, Diana, with two of her beautiful granddaughters, who looked liked little princesses.  Diana is an American who lived in Saudi Arabia for 35 years and whose husband was Saudi.  So her daughter Areej, the bride, is half-Saudi and half-American.   

Shortly after midnight, the drama began when the lights dimmed and a spotlight shined up toward the balcony above - and the groom appeared!  He waved and smiled at the adoring females below for a short spell while music played.   And then, the beautiful bride made her appearance! Together the couple waved and threw handfuls of pink rose petals down from the balcony for several minutes. The crowd of women loved it! It was exciting!

Next, while carefully selected romantic Western music played, slowly the bride and groom descended down the staircase, making their grand entrance.  Prior to the groom's appearance on the balcony, many of the female guests had draped themselves with their scarves and abayas to cover up their hair and evening attire.  

Once the newlyweds made their way into the wedding hall well after midnight, they received well wishers from their perch on the beautifully decorated stage.  Fabulous floral arrangements are an important part of the stage decor where the couple sits, along with a large couch where guests can linger and visit with them for a bit.     

The happy couple shared their first dance together as man and wife while giant sparklers blazed and lit up the hall.  It was spectacular and romantic.  At this point the groom was the only man in a room with all those female guests, who all watched on, taking delight in the euphoria and jubilation enveloping the hall.  

I don't know exactly how many guests were in attendance in the enormous ballroom, but I'm guessing there were several hundred.  

Here's a closer shot of the stage where the bride and groom sat to receive guests.  And below is a photo of them cutting into their magnificent wedding cake together.   

They made a very handsome couple - she in her beautiful white gown and long flowing veil, and he in his traditional formal Saudi wedding clothing, including a striking gray "bisht" with gold trim and his white head covering called ghotra.  Some men choose to wear the red and white checkered shemagh typical of Saudi menswear - it's up to the man whatever his preference is - but I think the plain white scarf is a little more formal and dignified looking for a lavish occasion like a wedding.

After the female relatives congratulated the newlyweds on the stage, the male relatives of the families then made an appearance, filing into the hall as the female guests clapped and cheered.   

They all looked so splendid and classic in their formal wear.  Then the family members posed for traditional wedding photos all together.  

The bride also posed with her sister, who was part of the wedding party and the mother of the two beautiful little princesses I pictured before.  

Once the photos were all taken and the men departed the wedding hall, it was time to eat - and what a feast it was!  It was already about 2 am by this time... 

The banquet hall was just across from the wedding hall.  The larger dining tables seated up to ten and had purple napkins.  Mouth watering food stations were everywhere.  The colorful delectable presentations of food were pure art.  

As much as I would have liked to have tried a taste of everything, it would have been impossible.  Everything that I did taste though was absolutely delicious.  There were salads and dips, breads and pastries, all kinds of seafood, chicken and lamb dishes, a sushi bar, casseroles, an assortment of rice dishes, finger foods, fruits and vegetables and on and on.  It was amazing! Words simply cannot do it justice! 

The buffet was overwhelming and spectacular. I did sample some sushi - the curved hammered metal table it was displayed on was out of this world!

Table after table of more and more food.  It was so difficult deciding what to put on my plate, as it was already after 2 am, and I didn't really want to eat that much so late.  Decisions, decisions!

There were hot dishes, cold dishes, room temperature dishes - you name it!  What a selection!  It was magnificent.

Many traditional Saudi dishes were also served, and there was even a taco station.  Every dish was impeccably and artfully presented.

Carved melon sculptures were featured at several of the food displays.  They were truly works of art.  Here is an amazing momma eagle feeding her baby carved out of what appears to be canteloupe. 

And here is a carved watermelon made into a big vase with kabob sticks of various fruit arranged like a beautiful floral display.  Isn't it exquisite?

All kinds of meat kabobs, which were delicious - I love kabob!  It's a specialty of this part of the world, and boy, do they know how to do it right!  

Here's another amazing carved fruit sculpture centerpiece of a rooster accompanying sliced fruits, vegetables and cheeses.  

I have shown you but a fraction of the scrumptious food that was served, but I'm sure by now you have gotten a pretty good idea of how spectacular and overwhelming it was. It was indeed a feast!

Oh! And let's not forget the desserts.  There were several dessert tables loaded with scrumptious looking treats of cakes, pies, puddings, and elegant tidbits that I don't even know the names of.  This is just a small part of just one of the many dessert tables. I tried bites of 3 different desserts. Yum!

After dinner, the partying continued until the wee hours of the morning.  Some of the ladies departed the wedding after eating, but many of us remained for more hours of fun.  As smaller children gradually fell asleep on chairs, many of the remaining women danced the night away.  It was such a fun night! I didn't get home until after 5am!!!

A good time was had by all! I was happy that my friend Aisha talked me into getting out on the dance floor too.  I hadn't really danced in years.  Such a fun group of women!

Here's one final parting shot - the beautiful bride on the marble staircase. 

Many many thanks to Diana and her family for allowing me to post these photos of this very special occasion - a night to remember for all of us.  And thanks to you for coming along with me as I revisited this fantastic evening - I hope you enjoyed it!

Note - Times are changing in Saudi Arabia. The internet is responsible for a lot of those changes in attitudes. One area of great change is photography. When I first moved here 11 years ago, people, especially women, used to freak out when they saw me with my camera. Now society has become more comfortable around cameras. This post would have never been possible just a few short years ago.     

Russian Interview - Part 2 on Family, Culture, Religion

Part 2 (of 3) of my interview with Volodymr for his Russian YouTube channel covers more ground about my life in Saudi Arabia - touching on Saudi culture, religion, and family. This segment is about 17.5 minutes long.

If you are having difficulty listening to it on this page, CLICK HERE to go directly to the You
Tube page.

Stay tuned for Part 3 coming soon!

To listen to Part 1 - CLICK HERE.  

Russian Interview, Part 1 - How I Met my Husband

I was recently interviewed by Volodymyr, who runs the only Saudi-focused YouTube site aimed at a Russian audience.  This is Part 1 of 3 of my interview. It's about 20 minutes long.  The first few minutes are an introduction by Volodymyr in Russian.  After that, the rest is in English.  This part covers my early life and how I met my husband over 40 years ago.  The 2nd and 3rd parts will be posted soon.  I hope you enjoy it!



CLICK HERE for the link to Part 1 on Volodymyr's Russian YouTube Channel, where the other links will be posted soon.

I had written about "How I Met My Prince" several years ago in a little more detail.  CLICK HERE to read that post. 

Widowed in Saudi Arabia - Update

Several years ago in 2009, I brought you the true cautionary tale of a British woman who was widowed in Saudi Arabia.  In the four part series, I detailed the struggles of the woman and her children when her Saudi husband passed away and how her husband's family trapped the woman and her children in Saudi Arabia for ten long years.  

(To read the original four part series, here are the links:  Part One; Part Two; Part Three; and Part Four.)

By late 2010, the family managed to finally escape from the country and I wrote a minor update at that time which focused on the country's male guardianship system.  The seven years since then haven’t been easy for the family, but they have been rebuilding their lives day by day.  I am pleased to now bring you the latest update on this family and their will to survive.  So here, once again, is "Asima," in her own words ...

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How are you an​​d the kids doing? Have they been able to adapt to their new lives?

I’ve been free from Saudi now  for 7 years,  It certainly has been eye opening,  I guess when you’re in the  situation I was in, where you think you will never see freedom again, you cling onto  there being ‘light at the end of the tunnel’. However that’s far from the truth and it’s the beginning of another chapter. It has been hard adjusting. If we had stayed in Saudi, my son would have had a future but my daughter wouldn’t have.  Now the roles are reversed - my daughter has a future, as she was 13 when we escaped from Saudi Arabia, so going to school outside the kingdom has given her an entrance to society, but my son has struggled.

​W​as the adjustment to freedom overwhelming?​ 

Extremely!!! The adjustment was hard.  After 21 years in Saudi (all my adult life), it took me at least 2 years to learn how to be independent again. The children went through numerous rounds of therapy, which my daughter still needs. I have only just begun my own therapy, as I wanted my children sorted first. It showed me that there are very little resources in the West, for the trauma women in my situation go through. I hope in the future, once my book is published, to start a charity to help women. It’s very hard to return to a society that you grew up in as a child but coming from a society that is the total opposite. Even though you look part of that society, you feel you no longer belong. It’s like being caught in 2 worlds. I hope one day to make contacts to start a charity for women with people who understand both cultures and can help women and their kids fit back into society.

What were the biggest challenges you faced?​

When I reached the west I was penniless, with 3 suitcases and my children. We were blessed to find a family lawyer whose services were pro bono, who advised us to change our identities and cut ties to our past lives. This was unbelievably hard to have to deny 21 years of your life, 21 years that shaped you as a person, 21 years of memories and friends.  I guess it was hardest on my son to lose his family name- it was like losing his father all over again.  Next was trying to become financially viable and find a home. I was still unable to sell my home back in Saudi, because of my husband’s family.  However I was blessed with a very close Saudi friend who I gave power of attorney and after a year won the rights to sell my home. The family took their financial share, denying my children their inheritance - funny because their claim to the courts was that they didn’t want us to sell the house as they wanted to protect the kid’s inheritance.

Are you working and doing better financially?

I am working, part time, all the experience I gained in Saudi was worth nothing in the west as the west puts more weight into certification, rather than physical experience. I had to begin back at the bottom and take an apprenticeship course with 18 year old students – but it got my foot in the door of employment. It has been hard the past 7 years trying to be a single mom on part time salary and trying to begin life again.  I certainly would advise any one in my circumstances back in Saudi to make sure they get certification for any work experience they have in Saudi.

What was the biggest surprise​/change to you about the outside world?

Most surprising to me has been how society is more about working to survive, and how closed minded many people are about other cultures. I am blessed that both my children were brought up in a society where your religion and race mean nothing. People couldn’t accept that even though I was British that I didn’t know how things worked.  They saw the same girl that left 21 years ago, but whilst I was physically the same, mentally I was a totally different person - and that’s been a hard barrier to overcome.

How is your social life?

My social life has been in fits and starts.  I was blessed to reconnect with old friends, but truthfully the past 7 years have been about rebuilding our lives, trying to repair the damage to my children and myself from the  trauma  of what happened with my husband’s family. I have found it hard to trust people as a few close friends back in Saudi informed my husband’s family of our planned escape, putting mine and my children’s lives in danger. I do prefer the social life I had in Saudi; it was more active and opened my eyes to the difference between cultures and religions. Socially it was more authentic in Saudi.

​Any exciting news you'd like to share?​

My daughter was accepted into University and is studying creative writing, taking after her mom. She aims to become a university lecturer once she graduates. She has already been published in a book of short stories and poetry.  It’s nice to see her grow.

I will become 50 in a few months and after 7 hard years struggling; I’m finally starting to achieve a sense of peace, through my therapy.

I have been working hard on publishing my book. I nearly was accepted by a publishing company to publish my book but the deal fell through, because of the actions of my then agent. I have chosen now to go independently, though it’s getting my story out there to the masses. I feel it’s a story that needs to be told, to help other women when making this giant leap into a world unknown. We are blessed now that the internet has opened doors for women to access information about Saudi Arabia, compared to when I went there back in 1990.  

But it’s still extremely hard to be a person of two cultures. We seriously need to help others escaping to settle back, but it’s finding  therapy and networking with others that have been through the  experience and trauma and help from people who understand  both cultures, we need to set up workshops  to help women and their children to integrate into society, to learn how to function in a totally different society. Most importantly to heal again and become a functioning well rounded family.

Is there anything you miss about Saudi Arabia?

I miss so much from Saudi.  It is my adopted home and it has been good to me and my children. Unfortunately there were numerous people (not the country) that caused my situation. Like every country in the world there is good and bad. Unfortunately however, in Saudi when the bad happens, women are left to fend alone and in many cases don’t succeed in reaching freedom with their children.

I miss the simple life.

I miss the authenticity of the people there, how expats joined together as extended families. How people always extended their hands to help others.

I miss Al Baik – lol.

I do still consider Saudi my home.

What do you think of all the changes going on here in KSA?

I’m sad I’m not part of the changes happening but feel an extreme sense of pride. When I first arrived in Saudi Arabia back in 1990, we were told that was the year women would drive.  21 years later still women weren’t granted that, but I’m proud the Prince has allowed women the freedoms that are their right.  It’s amazing to see the changes taking place for women, especially as they have been denied those rights for so long. Women are half the population and a society cannot function when only half its population is active.

I do fear however that Saudi will lose its identity.  I learnt moving back to the West that we have no culture, no identity - we all blend in as one.  Saudi is blessed that it still has its culture, its history, and it should hold onto those. It’s a new beginning for Saudi and I hope they handle the changes gradually.

I am hoping my Book – ‘Shifting Sands’ will open the door between East and West, to give women the tools to be prepared if the worse befalls them. Being married to a Saudi has many pitfalls but also many blessings. I feel communication between the two cultures would prevent a lot of situations arising.  But more importantly, I feel women need support and information, so they will never suffer as my children and I did. It’s a scar that will never full erase, so I hope from our trauma and experience it will help some other mother and her children to find freedom.

Freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed.

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You can follow Asima's blog about her memories of her life in Saudi Arabia called "Shifting Sands" by clicking HERE.

"You're Lucky You Are Cute!"

"You’re lucky you are cute.  If you weren't, you wouldn't be sitting here next to me." I can't tell you how many times my husband has said that to me over the years.  While I feel like he is mostly joking, deep down I can't help but think that there must be some truth to it.  Lucky for me, he still thinks I am cute at age 65.  Lucky for me, he likes chubby women!  I've even asked him, "What if I were grotesquely disfigured in some kind of freak accident or a fire?" He says that it would be a deal breaker for him - and again, I feel like he is joking, but I certainly hope I never have to find out.  

The thing is that many, if not most, Saudi men probably feel this same way.  

I remember back almost 40 years ago when I first met my husband at university and I was getting to know him and his friends.  I would ask them a lot of questions about their culture, religion, education, views on life, and their thoughts about women.  I can recall asking several of his friends what qualities were they looking for in a wife? Every single one of them answered, "She must be beautiful."  

Surprisingly there weren't any other real attributes they were looking for in a woman. Personality didn't matter.  Intelligence didn't matter.  Neither did kindness, character, or even if she was an all-out bitch.  Physical beauty was the number one most important asset these Saudi men wanted in a woman.  Interestingly enough, the Koran is quite explicit about what type of woman a man should seek out when searching for a mate – and it’s not physical attractiveness.  Devotion to her religion is the quality that the Koran says a man should look for.

I know this makes my husband and other Saudi men sound like they are extremely superficial, and in this area, maybe they are.  But one needs to understand certain realities about the Saudi culture.  Extreme gender segregation is enforced from the onset of puberty.  Dating is not allowed.  And not only is it unacceptable to mix socially with the opposite sex, but it is also against the law - and one can be imprisoned or even lashed for being alone with a non-relative of the opposite sex.  Realizing these things, it’s easier to understand why physical beauty is so important to Saudi men.  In very conservative and traditional families, a couple may only meet face to face once prior to marriage, so first impressions are very important - and let's face it, in this situation looks matter.  

Some of my friends have told me about their relationships with their Saudi husbands.  Some of them are constantly belittled by their husbands about their weight or their cooking. Several of my friends have had weight loss surgery and some have had cosmetic surgery.  Some of them are persistently threatened with the very real possibility of their husbands taking a second wife, and several have even had to endure the pain when he actually went through with it.  Still others have been physically abused by their mates, while some are pressured to change themselves to be more to his liking.  I have always figured that my husband chose me because of who I am, not because of what he wanted to change me into.

Every morning at breakfast over our coffee, my husband looks at me across the table, with my disheveled hair and puffy eyes, and he tells me how beautiful I look.  And throughout the day when I least expect it, he repeats it again, and again.  I know I am lucky that he still sees me as that pretty young thing he first laid eyes on so long ago.  Even when I make him upset or do something mischievous, he still sloughs it off and says, “You’re lucky you’re cute!”  We rarely fight or get upset with one another.  Our marriage is an easy going one of mutual respect and lots of love.  He makes me laugh.  He makes me happy.  He makes me feel special - and beautiful.

I can only wonder how I got so lucky.  

New Yorker Magazine Article: "Sisters-in-Law "

The following is an article which appears in the latest issue (Jan. 11, 2016) of New Yorker Magazine, written by Katherine Zoepf. 

"Sisters in Law"

Saudi women are beginning to know their rights.

The guardianship system gives a woman a legal status resembling that of a minor. Credit Illustration by Eiko Ojala

In September, 2014, Mohra Ferak, twenty-two years old and in her final year at Dar Al-Hekma University, in the Saudi port city of Jeddah, was asked for advice by a woman who had heard that she was studying law. The woman was the principal of a primary school for girls, and she told Ferak that she had grown frustrated by her inability to help children in her charge who had been raped; over the years, there had been many such cases among her students. Regardless of whether the perpetrator was a relative or the family driver, the victim’s parents invariably declined to press charges. A Saudi family’s honor rests, to a considerable degree, on its ability to protect the virginity of its daughters. Parents, fearing ruined marriage prospects, chose silence, which meant that men who had raped girls as young as eight went unpunished, and might act again. And for some of the girls, the principal added, the secrecy only amplified the trauma. She asked Ferak if there was anything that she, as principal, could do to help them.

“I told her, ‘You can go to court and ask the judge to make the proceedings private and save the girl’s reputation,’ ” Ferak recalled one recent afternoon. We were sitting in a modish Lebanese restaurant near the Jeddah corniche, sharing plates of tricornered spinach pastries and stuffed grape leaves across a black butcher-block table. The call to afternoon prayer had sounded several minutes earlier, and the restaurant, in accordance with law, had locked its doors and dimmed the lights. The “family section”—the secluded area for women that restaurants serving both genders must provide, where female diners who cover their faces can eat comfortably—was quiet. Except for a waiter, we had the place to ourselves. Ferak is slight, with a lilting voice and a round, bespectacled face framed by a tightly wound black shayla. Head scarves, which Saudi women typically wear unfastened, have a way of slipping off, and Ferak fidgeted with hers as she described her conversation with the principal, repeatedly tugging it back down into its proper position.

The principal was amazed to learn that Saudi plaintiffs can request closed court proceedings. She began peppering Ferak with legal questions, many of them about how to advise teachers who were in abusive marriages, or whose ex-husbands wouldn’t allow their children to visit. The principal was in her early fifties, which meant that, as a school administrator, she was among the best-educated Saudi women of her generation. Well into the nineteen-eighties, according to UNESCO, fewer than half of Saudi girls between the ages of six and eleven had received any education outside the home. But, Ferak said, it quickly became clear that the woman knew little about the fundamental principles of Saudi law.

CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE READING

Share Your Polygyny Story

Are you in a polygamous marriage?  I would like to invite any woman who is or was in a polygamous marriage to share her story anonymously for an upcoming Marie Claire magazine article.  Your identity will be kept strictly confidential.  You can email your polygamy story to me at:  susieofarabia@gmail.com

Please get your polygyny story in to me as soon as you can.  Thanks! 

I'd also like to remind you (women only) to participate in a short online survey about polygyny for the same upcoming Marie Claire magazine article.  

Participants in the survey can be any woman who is or was married to a Saudi man, or any single Saudi woman.  More SAUDI WOMEN, married or single, are needed to participate in this survey, so please share this with any Saudi women you know.  NON-SAUDI WOMEN and WESTERN WOMEN are also welcome to complete the survey.

The survey is quick, easy, and anonymous.  It literally takes one or two minutes to complete.  No personal details about you are required at all and can be taken in English or in Arabic.    

Deadline for the survey is January 5th, 2016.

CLICK HERE to take the survey in ENGLISH.

CLICK HERE to take the survey in ARABIC.

Marie Claire Magazine is a world renowned women's periodical, which focuses on women's interests like health, beauty, and lifestyle.  It first appeared in France in 1937 and today has many international editions.

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