A True Ramadan Story of Forgiveness

During this month of April, I am fasting with my Muslim husband, even though I myself am not Muslim. I do it, despite the 100 degree heat, despite the caffeine withdrawal headaches I get, despite the constant grumblings of my stomach.  I do it because I love him and respect him, and I personally feel that it would be insensitive for me to eat in front of him while he is fasting.

Many people around the world have very little knowledge about Islam and its teachings. So I thought I would share a real life example of what being a Muslim is during this holy month of Ramadan.  What follows is the true story of a man who lives his religion through his actions.  This is the REAL Islam.

In 2001, Rais Bhuiyan was a 28 year old Dallas resident, an immigrant from Bangladesh. He had been an officer in the Bangladesh Air Force and then found himself studying computer technology in New York City.  He later moved to Dallas at the urging of a friend who offered him a partnership in his gas station. 

Mark Stroman, also of Dallas, was a 31 year old lifelong career criminal, meth addict and a white supremacist.  After the 9/11 attacks, Stroman decided to take revenge and went out armed with the intent of killing any Arab/Muslim looking men he came upon, targeting convenience stores.  He murdered 46 year old Waqar Hasan, a Pakistani immigrant, in a grocery store. 

A few days later (10 days after 9/11) Stroman again went out looking for revenge at a gas station convenience store in Dallas.  Rais Bhuiyan was working behind the counter.  Stroman raised his shotgun,  shot Bhuiyan in the face, and fled. Bhuiyan was severely injured but still alive. A couple of weeks later, Stroman shot and killed an Indian immigrant, Vasudev Patel, age 49, in nearby Mesquite, TX.  Patel was not even Muslim; he was Hindu. Not one of these three men were Arabs either.

Fortunately Stroman was soon captured. From his jail cell, he proudly spoke to news stations about what a great patriot he was for exacting his revenge on Muslims – innocent Muslims who had nothing at all to do with the events of 9/11.  Stroman was tried for murder, was found guilty, and was sentenced to death.

Meanwhile Bhuiyan was bankrupted and left deep in debt from his medical bills. He had to endure countless surgeries and permanently lost the sight in one of his eyes. He still lives with over 35 pellets in his face to this day. 

Forgiveness is a major teaching of Islam. Islam also says that saving one human life is the same as saving all of mankind. So despite all the pain and hardships Bhuiyan had endured, he chose to forgive Stroman for what he had done. But not only that, Bhuiyan also took up the cause to save Stroman from the death penalty, filing a lawsuit to try to stop the execution.

Because of Bhuiyan’s actions, Stroman finally expressed his remorse over what he had done. However Bhuiyan’s attempt to save his attacker failed. Stroman was executed in 2011.  A documentary film called “An Eyefor an Eye” was released in 2016 about this tragic true story.

Before his death, Stroman was quoted as saying “I have the Islamic Community joining in my legal defence, spearheaded by one very remarkable man named Rais Bhuiyan, who is a survivor of my hate. His deep Islamic beliefs gave him the strength to forgive the unforgiveable. That is truly inspiring to me and should be an example for us all. The hate has to stop. We are all in this world together.”

Leading by example, Rais Bhuiyan today works to make this world a better place for everyone and trying to save mankind in his own way. He started his own non-profit organization called World Without Hate, spreading his message of love, forgiveness, and acceptance.

Sources: 

Rais Bhuiyan, American: If someone shot you in the face and left you for dea, would you try to save his life?  Esquire Magazine article, Dec 2011

20 Years After a White Supremacist Almost Killed Him, He's Dedicated His Life to Changing Hearts 

Rais Bhuiyan - Wikipedia

Mark Anthony Stroman - Wikipedia

Where Are They Now?

A few weeks ago my college alumni page on Facebook featured me in an ongoing series called "Where Are They Now?" - that highlights former students and where their lives have taken them since graduation.  I thought you might enjoy learning a little more about me and my story.    

Where are they now?

She has traveled the world, waited patiently (13 years) to be married to the man of her dreams, had ambitions of becoming a judge, and writes blogs about her experiences in foreign countries.

Susie Johnson Khalil, (1975, AA, Police Science), is the daughter of Trudy Johnson, who served on the founding committee to get Cochise College up and running. She has four brothers: Roy and Gary (both Cochise College alums) and Doug and Barry, and her dream was to eventually become a judge - but Iife took her on a different route.

She truly enjoyed instructors Keith Jackson and Dewey Tally, who made learning about the law, self-defense, crime scene investigations, and analyzing forensics so fascinating – as she says, “long before shows like CSI were on TV.” Art was also an interest of hers. She attributes her appreciation of art to Ray Levra, who showed a true exuberance in teaching.

She was hired by the Douglas Police Department as a dispatcher. She left for a job at Fort Whipple in Prescott, AZ, with the Veterans Administration as their first female Police Officer. She loved being on patrol and out and about. Her routine included duties like directing traffic, patrol, and raising or lowering the flag. And then there were other more memorable moments in the line of duty, like capturing a huge snake on the loose, subduing a hallucinating mental patient, and discovering a dead body in a car in the middle of the night.

Every two weeks the working schedule rotated, making life harder for her as a single working mom. Finding a reliable babysitter to accommodate the shift work was practically impossible back then. So after a couple years of struggling and juggling police work and motherhood in Prescott, she decided to go back to Cochise College with a focus on Journalism and Creative Writing. Instructor Baysol Turner challenged and inspired her.

During this time she was also in charge of Cultural Events at the college, working in Don Fry’s office. She brought in acts like an awesome musician who played a Moog Synthesizer and a fascinating UFO expert. Friends that she remembers hanging out with at Cochise were Pam Halfin Wombles, Debbie Sywassink Hruschka, Robert Clare, Margarita Quinonez Neverman, and Edna Elias Smith.

Susie soon transferred to the University of Arizona, and there she met her future husband. They met shortly after the fall semester began. Adnan, from Saudi Arabia, as Susie describes him, was a “tall exotic handsome hunk with the biggest Afro you ever saw.” He walked in to play pool while she was working in the games room at the Student Union. She was instantly smitten. Within a few short weeks, they were inseparable.

Getting to know Adnan and his Saudi friends instilled an interest in her to learn more about their culture, beliefs, food, passion, humor, and world views. Susie took a job with Braniff Airlines in Houston, and eventually moved back to Tucson and worked for travel agencies. The perks she enjoyed in the travel industry took her to places like Egypt, Australia, Tahiti, and Rio de Janeiro.

Meanwhile Adnan finally was awarded his PhD in Linguistics and Reading in 1989, which meant that he would be going home to Saudi Arabia to try to find work in his field. Once back in Jeddah he looked for work, but to no avail. Even though his government had paid for all those years of schooling and he was highly qualified, they refused to hire him because he was not a native speaker of English – which ended up being her good fortune! Frustrated after looking for work in his field for a whole year, he returned to the USA. They married immediately – she had waited for him for 13 long years and as she says, "I didn’t want to wait another minute!"

Eventually, they decided that perhaps Saudi Arabia would indeed be a good place to live, so they arrived in Jeddah, a captivating city of about 3 million people on the Red Sea coastline. Susie started a blog to share her experiences, to educate others, and it gave her a purpose in her new life. Little did she know that people from all over the world would be interested in her blog posts, and she became a resource for people seeking information, helping many interested in moving to Saudi Arabia to find jobs.

She is the founder of two Facebook groups. One is called “Susie of Arabia” and has over 20,000 members. It’s dedicated to providing information about Saudi Arabia. The other is “Our Hometown - Douglas, Arizona,” for anyone with a connection to Douglas. It’s been a lifeline for her living so far away, keeping her in touch with many old friends and neighbors.

In Susie’s words, “Every day I am thankful for the wonders of the internet and other modern technology. If it weren’t for these things, I don’t know that I could handle living so far away from my family and friends. The question I’m asked most when people find out I live in Saudi Arabia is “Aren’t you afraid?” The truth is that I feel much safer living here than when I am in the U.S. I’m happy living here. My husband is very good to me, spoils me. Moving here has changed my life in countless positive ways. Sure, this country is not perfect – but what place is? My hope is that I’ve helped to change some of the negative perceptions the rest of the world has about this fascinating country and its people.”

Original post of this story on Facebook

Jeddah Daily Photo blog

Susie of Arabia / Blue Abaya Facebook group

A Different Ramadan in the Time of CoronaVirus

This summer may be the very first summer I have ever spent in Saudi Arabia.  Since we moved to Jeddah in 2007, I have been fortunate enough to leave here during the brutally hot temperatures of summer.  I usually spend my summers in the beautiful cool Pacific Northwest in Washington State, where temperatures are generally in the 70s.  The older I get, the less tolerant of the heat I am.

I must say that I am not exactly thrilled at the prospect of being here in the severe heat, but as long as our air conditioning works, I'm sure I will be okay.  On the other hand, I certainly don't relish the thought of sitting on an airplane for almost 24 hours in close quarters, next to coughing and sneezing passengers who could potentially infect me with a deadly virus.

As it is, all flights have been indefinitely suspended here in Saudi Arabia, so my travel arrangements for early May have been changed to July, but at this point we cannot be sure if those plans will happen either.  Of course this would be the year when we made plans and bought our tickets in advance, while I generally wait until about a month before we travel to make our arrangements.

I must say that I am pleased with how seriously the Saudi government has taken this pandemic since the very beginning.  Before the first case was even confirmed here in Saudi Arabia, the government's first action was to halt all religious pilgrims coming into the country.  Because of the religious tourism to Mecca and Medina, two of the holy cities of Islam, the kingdom has had a great deal of experience with travelers from all over the world coming to the country and bringing disease with them. Some Muslims save and plan their entire lives for this once in a lifetime trip to these holy cities, a requirement of Islam. So when the plans have been made and paid for long in advance, and the time for their trip comes, the pilgrims travel here regardless, even if they are very sick and highly contagious.

In addition, the Saudi government has also imposed strict curfews, closed schools and businesses, and even the mosques.  Instead of the five daily calls to prayer instructing people to come to the mosque to pray, the calls now say that it's time for prayer, but pray at home.  This is an unprecedented measure in this ultra religious country.

Ramadan - the holy month when Muslims fast during the daylight hours - will be starting in just a couple days. Ramadan is a very social time for most Saudis, a time when families generally get together to break the day's fast and share meals together.  But this Ramadan will be markedly different.  I'm sure there will be some families that will still get together no matter what, but with the strict curfews in place, police checkpoints to enforce the curfews and residents staying in their districts, and a 10,000 SAR ($2500 US) fine for those disobeying the curfew, I'm guessing most people will not take the chance.

This will actually be my very first entire Ramadan I have spent here in this country.  I've been in Saudi Arabia for part of Ramadan before, but never for the entire time period.  For the most part, the elegant Iftar dinners at homes and restaurants will not happen this year.

Instead, maybe these strange times we are living in will actually make people even more thoughtful.  Maybe we will all make changes for the betterment of this world and the people in it, appreciate what we do have in life to be grateful for, and realize what things in life are really important.  Those are some of the reasons for Ramadan, after all. 

Wishing my Muslim friends and family a reflective and meaningful Ramadan.

From Florida to Jeddah — Women on the Road

I just realized that I failed to post about an updated interview I did with "Women on the Road" back in March 2018. My original interview was done in about 2010. 

A lot has happened here in Saudi Arabia since I first moved here in 2007, and a lot has happened even since this updated interview 2 short years ago.  To me it's really interesting to realize all the changes that have occurred in just my short blip of time spent living here in Saudi Arabia.  I hope you find it interesting too and that you enjoy reading it!  Here it is - 

A former police officer and travel industry professional, Susie Khalil’s American life changed dramatically in 2007 when she followed her Saudi Arabian husband back to his homeland — where she has lived ever since. Her award-winning blog Susie’s Big Adventure (now Susie of Arabia) was once banned; it sheds some light on life in one of the world’s most closed countries. Around 2010 (give or take a year) Women on the Road interviewed Susie, but updated the interview in 2018. The original 2010 interview is at the bottom of this story.

EDITOR'S NOTE. Since the 2018 update, much has happened in Saudi Arabia: Jamal Khashoggi was assassinated; women have been allowed to drive and in some cases travel without a male guardian; Saudi Arabia now issues tourist visas and is letting foreigners visit. It’s impossible to know how powerful, positive or long-lasting any changes will be, but it is a backdrop against which to view Saudi Arabia.

Susie of Arabia: An Update (March 2018)

It’s been ten years now since I first set foot in Saudi Arabia. Hard to believe because I always said I could never see myself here long term, but somehow that has changed. I love my life in this country. I know it’s not what a lot of people want to hear because of what they believe about Saudi Arabia. But the truth is my husband is very good to me and I consider myself a very lucky woman.  My social life here in Jeddah is far more active and full than when I spend my summers back in the US. There are always things to do and I find myself just as fascinated with this country, its people, and its culture as when I first moved here. I feel very safe and I have wonderful friends from all over the world.

With all the changes that are rapidly happening in this country, this is a very exciting time to be here. Things have been slowly changing for several years, but now things really seem to be picking up speed. The younger generation has had the opportunity to grow up with modern technology, so they have been exposed to the outside world a lot more than previous generations.  They want change. They want more normal lives, like they see in other countries — and the Crown Prince MBS is trying to make that happen. I, and many others here, have great hope that he will succeed and that Saudi Arabia will emerge as the modern and moderate country it seems to want to be, once the dust settles in the next few years. The Crown Prince has the support of the younger generation — and the future of Saudi Arabia is in their hands.

(To continue reading, CLICK HERE)

Saudi Wedding Album

The gorgeous bride and her beautiful mom.  I love this photo!

This is a very special and a very long post.  There are more pictures in this post than I have ever published before in a single post.  I've shown photos from Saudi weddings before, but never like this.  I hope you will enjoy coming along with me step by step, inside a Saudi wedding that I attended on Valentine's Day (I know, right? How romantic!) here in Jeddah. 

Above is a photo of the decorated car the bride and groom would leave the reception in.  Some wedding cars I have seen in the past have been so completely covered in decoratations that I don't know how the driver could see out the windshield!  

Saudi weddings are notorious for starting very late at night and running until daybreak!  This wedding was held at a grand new hotel I had been dying to see - and I finally got my chance last month.  I was actually one of the first guests to arrive at about 10:30pm. But it gave me a chance to take photos of the splendid ballroom which oozed elegance and was embellished with gold accents and enormous floral arrangements.  

The atmosphere of the luxurious ballroom was swathed with dreamy violet lighting and embellished with moving sunray shapes projected up onto the walls.  There were so many sparkling crystal chandeliers up above on the ceiling that I lost count of how many there were!  I just loved the purple lighting and the shadows.  

The wedding hall was truly magical and almost surreal in its grandeur - it was definitely what fairy tales are made of. Simply a perfect way to start off a marriage.  

Each table was adorned with sweets and treats, dates and chocolates and other bite sized goodies.  We were offered our choice of fancy juice drinks with sugared rims.  FYI - Alcoholic beverages are strictly prohibited in Saudi Arabia.  Consequently, the large choice of different juice drinks is like no other place I have ever been.  

The sensational multi-layered wedding cake was decorated with beautiful fresh flowers in pinks, blues and purples.  It was on display in a corner of the stunning ballroom next to the stage.  

Saudi Arabia also has an amazing selection of regional sweet dates - I never knew there were so many varieties until I moved here! We certainly don't get such a wide selection of dates like this in the USA...

As more and more female guests arrived at the wedding over the next hour or so, soon the wedding hall was packed with hundreds of gorgeous women dressed to the nines, with their hair and makeup professionally done, in dazzling high heels and sparkly dangling earrings.  

This is the table of wedding guests that I sat with - friends of the mother of the bride, mostly expat women like myself who are married to Saudi men.  Typically traditional Saudi weddings are gender segregated.  Quite often the men's wedding event is held on a different night at a different venue.  Of course I've never been to a men's wedding in Saudi Arabia, but there are plenty of videos available online that show what goes on at one - lots of singing and sword dancing!

The singer for the evening - she had a lovely voice and sang in Arabic

Some Saudi women's weddings have music and dancing, and some don't, depending on what the bride's preference is.  Most weddings I have been to here in Saudi Arabia have a dance floor which is more like a long catwalk, where graceful women in flowing gowns, dripping in glittering jewels, glide and wiggle to the music up and down the runway.  Saudi women seem to have this very sensual way of moving - a talent I don't have... sigh. Weddings are a common venue in this culture to scout out a potential future bride for a relative - like one's brother, son, or nephew - who might be ready for marriage.  

This is the happy mother of the bride, Diana, with two of her beautiful granddaughters, who looked liked little princesses.  Diana is an American who lived in Saudi Arabia for 35 years and whose husband was Saudi.  So her daughter Areej, the bride, is half-Saudi and half-American.   

Shortly after midnight, the drama began when the lights dimmed and a spotlight shined up toward the balcony above - and the groom appeared!  He waved and smiled at the adoring females below for a short spell while music played.   And then, the beautiful bride made her appearance! Together the couple waved and threw handfuls of pink rose petals down from the balcony for several minutes. The crowd of women loved it! It was exciting!

Next, while carefully selected romantic Western music played, slowly the bride and groom descended down the staircase, making their grand entrance.  Prior to the groom's appearance on the balcony, many of the female guests had draped themselves with their scarves and abayas to cover up their hair and evening attire.  

Once the newlyweds made their way into the wedding hall well after midnight, they received well wishers from their perch on the beautifully decorated stage.  Fabulous floral arrangements are an important part of the stage decor where the couple sits, along with a large couch where guests can linger and visit with them for a bit.     

The happy couple shared their first dance together as man and wife while giant sparklers blazed and lit up the hall.  It was spectacular and romantic.  At this point the groom was the only man in a room with all those female guests, who all watched on, taking delight in the euphoria and jubilation enveloping the hall.  

I don't know exactly how many guests were in attendance in the enormous ballroom, but I'm guessing there were several hundred.  

Here's a closer shot of the stage where the bride and groom sat to receive guests.  And below is a photo of them cutting into their magnificent wedding cake together.   

They made a very handsome couple - she in her beautiful white gown and long flowing veil, and he in his traditional formal Saudi wedding clothing, including a striking gray "bisht" with gold trim and his white head covering called ghotra.  Some men choose to wear the red and white checkered shemagh typical of Saudi menswear - it's up to the man whatever his preference is - but I think the plain white scarf is a little more formal and dignified looking for a lavish occasion like a wedding.

After the female relatives congratulated the newlyweds on the stage, the male relatives of the families then made an appearance, filing into the hall as the female guests clapped and cheered.   

They all looked so splendid and classic in their formal wear.  Then the family members posed for traditional wedding photos all together.  

The bride also posed with her sister, who was part of the wedding party and the mother of the two beautiful little princesses I pictured before.  

Once the photos were all taken and the men departed the wedding hall, it was time to eat - and what a feast it was!  It was already about 2 am by this time... 

The banquet hall was just across from the wedding hall.  The larger dining tables seated up to ten and had purple napkins.  Mouth watering food stations were everywhere.  The colorful delectable presentations of food were pure art.  

As much as I would have liked to have tried a taste of everything, it would have been impossible.  Everything that I did taste though was absolutely delicious.  There were salads and dips, breads and pastries, all kinds of seafood, chicken and lamb dishes, a sushi bar, casseroles, an assortment of rice dishes, finger foods, fruits and vegetables and on and on.  It was amazing! Words simply cannot do it justice! 

The buffet was overwhelming and spectacular. I did sample some sushi - the curved hammered metal table it was displayed on was out of this world!

Table after table of more and more food.  It was so difficult deciding what to put on my plate, as it was already after 2 am, and I didn't really want to eat that much so late.  Decisions, decisions!

There were hot dishes, cold dishes, room temperature dishes - you name it!  What a selection!  It was magnificent.

Many traditional Saudi dishes were also served, and there was even a taco station.  Every dish was impeccably and artfully presented.

Carved melon sculptures were featured at several of the food displays.  They were truly works of art.  Here is an amazing momma eagle feeding her baby carved out of what appears to be canteloupe. 

And here is a carved watermelon made into a big vase with kabob sticks of various fruit arranged like a beautiful floral display.  Isn't it exquisite?

All kinds of meat kabobs, which were delicious - I love kabob!  It's a specialty of this part of the world, and boy, do they know how to do it right!  

Here's another amazing carved fruit sculpture centerpiece of a rooster accompanying sliced fruits, vegetables and cheeses.  

I have shown you but a fraction of the scrumptious food that was served, but I'm sure by now you have gotten a pretty good idea of how spectacular and overwhelming it was. It was indeed a feast!

Oh! And let's not forget the desserts.  There were several dessert tables loaded with scrumptious looking treats of cakes, pies, puddings, and elegant tidbits that I don't even know the names of.  This is just a small part of just one of the many dessert tables. I tried bites of 3 different desserts. Yum!

After dinner, the partying continued until the wee hours of the morning.  Some of the ladies departed the wedding after eating, but many of us remained for more hours of fun.  As smaller children gradually fell asleep on chairs, many of the remaining women danced the night away.  It was such a fun night! I didn't get home until after 5am!!!

A good time was had by all! I was happy that my friend Aisha talked me into getting out on the dance floor too.  I hadn't really danced in years.  Such a fun group of women!

Here's one final parting shot - the beautiful bride on the marble staircase. 

Many many thanks to Diana and her family for allowing me to post these photos of this very special occasion - a night to remember for all of us.  And thanks to you for coming along with me as I revisited this fantastic evening - I hope you enjoyed it!

Note - Times are changing in Saudi Arabia. The internet is responsible for a lot of those changes in attitudes. One area of great change is photography. When I first moved here 11 years ago, people, especially women, used to freak out when they saw me with my camera. Now society has become more comfortable around cameras. This post would have never been possible just a few short years ago.