From Florida to Jeddah — Women on the Road

I just realized that I failed to post about an updated interview I did with "Women on the Road" back in March 2018. My original interview was done in about 2010. 

A lot has happened here in Saudi Arabia since I first moved here in 2007, and a lot has happened even since this updated interview 2 short years ago.  To me it's really interesting to realize all the changes that have occurred in just my short blip of time spent living here in Saudi Arabia.  I hope you find it interesting too and that you enjoy reading it!  Here it is - 

A former police officer and travel industry professional, Susie Khalil’s American life changed dramatically in 2007 when she followed her Saudi Arabian husband back to his homeland — where she has lived ever since. Her award-winning blog Susie’s Big Adventure (now Susie of Arabia) was once banned; it sheds some light on life in one of the world’s most closed countries. Around 2010 (give or take a year) Women on the Road interviewed Susie, but updated the interview in 2018. The original 2010 interview is at the bottom of this story.

EDITOR'S NOTE. Since the 2018 update, much has happened in Saudi Arabia: Jamal Khashoggi was assassinated; women have been allowed to drive and in some cases travel without a male guardian; Saudi Arabia now issues tourist visas and is letting foreigners visit. It’s impossible to know how powerful, positive or long-lasting any changes will be, but it is a backdrop against which to view Saudi Arabia.

Susie of Arabia: An Update (March 2018)

It’s been ten years now since I first set foot in Saudi Arabia. Hard to believe because I always said I could never see myself here long term, but somehow that has changed. I love my life in this country. I know it’s not what a lot of people want to hear because of what they believe about Saudi Arabia. But the truth is my husband is very good to me and I consider myself a very lucky woman.  My social life here in Jeddah is far more active and full than when I spend my summers back in the US. There are always things to do and I find myself just as fascinated with this country, its people, and its culture as when I first moved here. I feel very safe and I have wonderful friends from all over the world.

With all the changes that are rapidly happening in this country, this is a very exciting time to be here. Things have been slowly changing for several years, but now things really seem to be picking up speed. The younger generation has had the opportunity to grow up with modern technology, so they have been exposed to the outside world a lot more than previous generations.  They want change. They want more normal lives, like they see in other countries — and the Crown Prince MBS is trying to make that happen. I, and many others here, have great hope that he will succeed and that Saudi Arabia will emerge as the modern and moderate country it seems to want to be, once the dust settles in the next few years. The Crown Prince has the support of the younger generation — and the future of Saudi Arabia is in their hands.

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Chess Chump

“In a few days I am going to lose two World Champion titles - one by one. Just because I decided not to go to Saudi Arabia. Not to play by someone's rules, not to wear abaya, not to be accompanied getting outside, and altogether not to feel myself a secondary creature. Exactly one year ago I won these two titles and was about the happiest person in the chess world but this time I feel really bad. I am ready to stand for my principles and skip the event, where in five days I was expected to earn more than I do in a dozen of events combined. All that is annoying, but the most upsetting thing is that almost nobody really cares. That is a really bitter feeling, still not the one to change my opinion and my principles. The same goes for my sister Mariya - and I am really happy that we share this point of view. And yes, for those few who care - we'll be back!”  - Anna Muzychuk

On December 23, 2017, one of the top ranked female chess champions of the world, Anna Muzychuk, made the above post on her Facebook page, and in the process, made headlines around the world. To date, her post has been shared over 76,000 times and has garnered over 21,000 comments - comments lavishing praise on her with words like hero, integrity, courage, inspiration, respect, etc.  

Overwhelmingly the comments have been made largely in support of her decision, while at the same time slamming Saudi Arabia for its oppression against women.  I can’t say for sure, but I am certain almost all of these commenters have never been to Saudi Arabia, just like Anna Muzychuk, and have just based their opinions on what they have been fed by the media.  

Anna Muzychuck in March 2017 in Iran

In all honesty, I had to take a few days to calm myself down before addressing how I felt about Anna and the things she has said.  I realize that Anna is just a young, foolish, and naive 27-year-old who is close-minded, gullible, and inflexible.  She has maligned Saudi Arabia without ever setting foot here. Worse yet, the methods she used to align her base behind her used inaccuracies and fallacies to further promote negativity and perpetuate misconceptions about this country and its people.  The whole thing is extremely Trump-esque – and her panting lapdog fans ate it up like ice cream.

For someone so top-ranked in the cerebral, highly competitive game of chess as she is, Anna betrayed her own intellect by making a really foolish decision this time, both financially and personally.

As the host of the tournament, Saudi Arabia offered up $2million in prize money for the winners.  The prize money alone was more than three and a half times MORE than the previous year’s prize winnings.  She herself claims in her statement that she was passing up an opportunity to win more than she could have won in more than 12 big tournaments. 

So, let’s address these unacceptable issues the principled Anna cited in her post – 

1st:  “Not to play by someone's rules” – Well, sadly, we all must play by someone else’s rules. Anna knows that when playing chess competitively, there are many rules she must abide by, right? There are different laws in different countries and everyone, citizens and visitors alike, is expected to follow them, right? None of us would be surprised to learn that her parents even enforce rules in their home, where Anna still reportedly lives. A rather hypocritical point, considering everywhere one goes, there are rules.

Riyadh Chess Tournament - Photo Credit: Arab News

2^nd: “Not to wear abaya” – The King Salman World Chess Championships 2017 which Anna boycotted was recently held in Riyadh from Dec. 26-30, and photos from the event clearly show the female competitors wearing modest business attire, and scarves were not required.  Technically in Saudi Arabia, as long as a female’s body is covered in loose fitting clothing (hands and face can be exposed), she is actually acceptably attired when out in public in this country.  Most women prefer to wear the abaya so as not to draw attention to themselves – simply because that’s what most other women wear out in public.  I truthfully love wearing the abaya, especially now that there are so many styles, colors, and fabrics to choose from.  It's really a very practical garment, except when it’s hot out. This time of year it’s quite comfortable. 

3^rd: “Not to be accompanied getting outside” – This may have been a “rule” set out by the chess federation themselves, but it is certainly not a requirement for women in Saudi Arabia.  I go out by myself, unaccompanied, all the time.  Most women here do.  Totally false, Anna. 

Saudi women at a mall unaccompanied by a male

4^th: “Not to feel myself a secondary creature” – Anna, you are so far off on this one.  You would have been treated here like a princess.  You would have had the time of your life.  Women in Saudi Arabia are revered and respected, pampered and spoiled. We actually get special treatment.  We don’t feel like secondary creatures at all.  You may see this as being oppressed, but we sure don’t.

And lastly, here’s her hook:  “All that is annoying, but the most upsetting thing is that almost nobody really cares. That is a really bitter feeling, still not the one to change my opinion and my principles.”  This is where she whines and plays the “poor me” pity card and rallies the troops behind her. This HUGE sacrifice she is making - and “NObody cares!  Boo hoo! Feel sorry for me!” When in reality, she’s the one who made up her mind using flawed logic and tunnel vision to forgo a possible cash windfall and to lose out on the opportunity of a lifetime - that most people never get - to visit a wondrous and misunderstood country – all because she has “principles.” Where were her principles when she went to China to compete? Or Iran? Suddenly she has principles and gives a black eye to Saudi Arabia.

Looking over her Facebook page, I noticed another post she had made on November 11^th :

“FIDE has announced World Rapid and Blitz Chess Championships to be organized in the end of this year in Saudi Arabia. First Iran, then Saudi Arabia… wondering where the next Women's big World Championships will be organized. Despite of the record prize fund, I am not going to play in Riyadh what means losing two world champion titles. To risk your life, to wear abaya all the time?? Everything has its limits and headscarves in Iran was more than enough.” - Anna Muzychuk 

I had to laugh out loud when I read this one – risking her life to wear abaya? This is just too absurd for words.  Let’s face it - there is no perfect place in the world.  Certainly not even in Anna’s own native Ukraine. But let’s be clear about one thing – prior to this, Anna has not been a vocal feminist about the mistreatment of women ANYwhere in the world.  So now suddenly she chooses to become a voice to highlight the plight of poor Saudi women.  Yet, in her own country, thousands of Ukrainian women are routinely sold into sex slavery every year to dozens of countries, several of which Anna has had no problem competing in.  Ignorance on her part or just hypocritical?  

  

Me "risking my life," wearing my new abaya in Saudi Arabia

One will always be able to find fault in some way or another with other countries, traditions, and cultures.  But at this truly exciting, momentous, and historic time in Saudi history - when Saudi Arabia is changing rapidly, advancing women in this country, fighting internal corruption, and so on – why spit on the very generous hosts who are taking major steps to improve what she is protesting about in the first place? 

Anna could have come here to Saudi Arabia with an open mind and seen firsthand for herself, before condemning this country based on her limited knowledge of the propaganda that's out there.  She missed a golden opportunity to change her own opinion - and others’ - about a country that always seems to get a bad rap no matter what – a country extremely rich in history and culture and one that I love more and more with every passing year. 

In all my life’s travels, Saudis are among the most hospitable and generous people I have ever known.  I’m sure Anna would have experienced this same hospitality and generosity. Certainly Anna Muzychuk has every right to make this decision for herself, but it’s a shame she made this ill-informed choice - because her “principles” had nothing to do with honesty or sound judgment and everything to do with very limited perspective, prejudice, and ignorance.

More articles on this subject:

World Chess Championship Brings the Best to Saudi Arabia - Arab News

Chess: Lucrative World Speed Events to Open in Saudi Arabia Amid Controversy - Guardian UK

World's Strongest Open Chess Events Start in Riyadh Tomorrow - Saudi Gazette

For more photos of the event:

King Salman World Chess Championships

For tournament results:

World Blitz Championship LIVE 

Ladies First: Saudi Arabia’s Female Candidates

I just watched “Ladies First: Saudi Arabia’s Female Candidates,” a short New York Times video documentary regarding the historic elections in Saudi Arabia last December.  The film features three different Saudi women who were not only granted the right to vote in local municipal elections for the first time ever last year, but who also decided to run for office.  

While Saudi Arabia remains a kingdom, at the local level there are city councils consisting of elected officials.  It should be noted that Saudi men were barely given the right to vote and hold public office in 2005.  The next election wasn’t until 2011.  That same year King Abdullah announced that women would be able to vote and run for office in 2015.   

Offering a glimpse inside the lives of these brave, yet very different, Saudi women, the film follows the frustrations and roadblocks females face in her day to day existence, much less in running for public office.  If the man in a Saudi woman's life is not supportive of her dreams, he has the right to reject her desires - because every Saudi woman has the legal status of a child her entire life, and every decision about her life ultimately rests with her legal male guardian.  

I highly recommend watching this film if you are interested in how things work (or don’t work) in Saudi Arabia.  Great job by Mona El-Nagger, an Egyptian journalist who has been covering the Middle East for ten years. 

Gender Segregation is Insulting!

Few things about life here in Saudi Arabia get me all riled up like the extreme gender segregation does.  It is one of the things that I dislike the most and one of the things that I feel does WAY more harm than good.

In my opinion, gender segregation is largely responsible for many of this country's social problems.  Gender segregation stunts healthy emotional growth.  The high divorce rate can be cited as a problem partially caused by gender segregation.  At puberty young boys and girls are suddenly separated socially from each other and there is no interaction with the opposite sex.  As a result many young people who marry do not know how to communicate, act or behave around the opposite sex.

Photo Credit: RealSociology.edublogs.org

Many young Saudi men are often accused of harassing women - and it's directly due to the way this society is set up with severe gender segregation, plus the lack of accountability for men and their actions.  Instead, this society usually chooses to put the blame on women by punishing them for men not being able to control themselves around fitna-inducing temptresses.

At the university level, young female students often fantasize, become obsessed with, and even fall in love with male professors who conduct classes for women from a remote location via closed circuit television.  I’ve heard many stories about how female students frequently pursue these male professors, who are often married, much older, and not even particularly attractive.

And now the latest issue regarding gender segregation has come about involving two women who were elected to the municipal council in Jeddah.  These women were elected to their positions, just like the men on the council were.  Yet there is an anti-women crusade going on to prevent these women from taking their rightful positions on the council alongside their male colleagues.  

This faction is trying to preclude these duly elected female officials from participating effectively on the council, marginalizing the women by forcing them to sit outside the council chambers, like children who are being punished, instead of full-fledged elected members of the board. 
  
Seriously? Women in Saudi Arabia achieved a major milestone when they were allowed to vote and run for public office for the first time in their lives in December 2015 - a HUGE step forward for Saudi women.  But now others are trying to prevent them from effectively carrying out their duties.  Gender segregation carried to such an extreme like this is not only insulting to the women, it is extremely insulting to the men on the council who are being perceived as incapable of being trusted or of controlling themselves around a couple of female colleagues and incapable of seeing women as anything other than sexual objects. 

To make matters worse and to exemplify the severity of this extreme gender segregation, the two councilwomen, Lama Al-Suleiman and Rasha Hefzi, have now received death threats for attempting to take their rightful place at the meetings.  Fortunately there has been support for the women from the community, but there are some who oppose them.  
  
Don’t miss these two articulate opinion pieces recently written by a couple of Saudi women about this very subject:

“Saudi Women’s Work and Challenges in the Council Just Starting” by Maha Akeel

“Women’s Empowerment” by Nabeela Husni Mahjoub

New Yorker Magazine Article: "Sisters-in-Law "

The following is an article which appears in the latest issue (Jan. 11, 2016) of New Yorker Magazine, written by Katherine Zoepf. 

"Sisters in Law"

Saudi women are beginning to know their rights.

The guardianship system gives a woman a legal status resembling that of a minor. Credit Illustration by Eiko Ojala

In September, 2014, Mohra Ferak, twenty-two years old and in her final year at Dar Al-Hekma University, in the Saudi port city of Jeddah, was asked for advice by a woman who had heard that she was studying law. The woman was the principal of a primary school for girls, and she told Ferak that she had grown frustrated by her inability to help children in her charge who had been raped; over the years, there had been many such cases among her students. Regardless of whether the perpetrator was a relative or the family driver, the victim’s parents invariably declined to press charges. A Saudi family’s honor rests, to a considerable degree, on its ability to protect the virginity of its daughters. Parents, fearing ruined marriage prospects, chose silence, which meant that men who had raped girls as young as eight went unpunished, and might act again. And for some of the girls, the principal added, the secrecy only amplified the trauma. She asked Ferak if there was anything that she, as principal, could do to help them.

“I told her, ‘You can go to court and ask the judge to make the proceedings private and save the girl’s reputation,’ ” Ferak recalled one recent afternoon. We were sitting in a modish Lebanese restaurant near the Jeddah corniche, sharing plates of tricornered spinach pastries and stuffed grape leaves across a black butcher-block table. The call to afternoon prayer had sounded several minutes earlier, and the restaurant, in accordance with law, had locked its doors and dimmed the lights. The “family section”—the secluded area for women that restaurants serving both genders must provide, where female diners who cover their faces can eat comfortably—was quiet. Except for a waiter, we had the place to ourselves. Ferak is slight, with a lilting voice and a round, bespectacled face framed by a tightly wound black shayla. Head scarves, which Saudi women typically wear unfastened, have a way of slipping off, and Ferak fidgeted with hers as she described her conversation with the principal, repeatedly tugging it back down into its proper position.

The principal was amazed to learn that Saudi plaintiffs can request closed court proceedings. She began peppering Ferak with legal questions, many of them about how to advise teachers who were in abusive marriages, or whose ex-husbands wouldn’t allow their children to visit. The principal was in her early fifties, which meant that, as a school administrator, she was among the best-educated Saudi women of her generation. Well into the nineteen-eighties, according to UNESCO, fewer than half of Saudi girls between the ages of six and eleven had received any education outside the home. But, Ferak said, it quickly became clear that the woman knew little about the fundamental principles of Saudi law.

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Women Making History in Saudi Arabia

Saturday, December 12, 2015, will be remembered for years to come as a truly amazing day for women in Saudi Arabia as two incredible things happened.

#1 - Saudi women were able to vote as well as run for public office for the first times in their lives.

#2 - 8,264 women gathered together in the capital city of Riyadh to break the existing world record for the largest human awareness ribbon formation.

A young Saudi woman casts her vote for the first time in her life.

SAUDI ELECTIONS:

Saudi women were able to claim victory, winning 20 elected positions even though registered female voters (130,000) accounted for only a mere 10 per cent of the country's male electorate (1.35 million).  It wasn't easy for women to make it to the polls.  There were many obstacles in the way.

In order to register to vote, women were required to provide national ID cards (many women do not have them), proof of residence (almost all Saudi women live with their legal male guardians, and residency documentation is in the man's name), plus there were limited times to register and limited knowledge by district clerks to help women with the registration process.  Another huge problem was that voting was only allowed on one day, and inconsiderate and impractical policy in a world where women cannot drive.  The cards were definitely stacked against women from the get go.

Saudi female candidate Naseema Assada  (Photo: NPR)

For those Saudi women who wished to run for elected office, a few more new rules were enacted which made their campaigns even more difficult.  Gender segregation is strictly enforced here, so female candidates' campaign sites had to be for women only.  They were also not allowed to interact or speak directly with men in an effort to gain votes, and they could not display their photos in their promotional materials (neither could men).  In addition the Grand Mufti (the country's highest ranking religious leader) spoke out against women participating in the elections and running for office - the general consensus among many being that women belong at home and not in public life.  This resulted in some backlash against women, especially in tribal areas. 

Prior to the elections, some women (many of whom are writers and activists) were disqualified from running for office, with no reasons provided and no time to challenge their dismissal.   Female candidates accounted for 1/6 of the total candidates.  Despite all these obstacles, on voting day female voters turned out in an astonishing 80% rate in many districts, leaving the men's turnout average in the dust.  And while women clearly had a very slim chance of winning at all, another surprise is that some of the victorious female candidates were elected in tribal areas.   Even though the elected positions are all at the local level (city councils) and naysayers express doubts that women's participation signals any real change at all and is nothing more than window dressing, many women are excited at the prospect of finally having a voice, as little as that may be.  It is a step in the right direction, even though this might be considered taking baby steps toward women achieving equality in this society.

Many Saudi women took their kids along to the voting stations to witness the historic event.

WORLD RECORD PINK RIBBON EVENT:

This past weekend I traveled to Riyadh to participate in my 2nd Guinness World Record breaking event - forming the world's largest human awareness ribbon chain highlighting the fight against breast cancer.  I had previously participated in the very first breast cancer record breaking event in Jeddah back in 2010.

The event was held at the football stadium of Princess Nora University, a public women's institution of higher learning.  The final attendance count was a little short of the goal of 10,000 participants, but none-the-less, it was still enough to set the new world record.  I was part of a group of about 10 women, including among others, my friend and fellow blogger Laura of Blue Abaya; human rights activist and photographer Samia El Moslimany; TV presenters and sisters Cyma and Nihad Aziz; and architect Anna Laura Petrucci, who is herself a breast cancer survivor.  We were all seated in the VIP section, rubbing elbows with at least four Saudi princesses, who are all greatly involved in supporting breast cancer awareness.

Photo: Edited and Graphics Added by Laura of Blue Abaya

I have to say that this event, called 10KSA, was so much more pleasant than the previous event in Jeddah because of the weather.  Under the guidance of Princess Reema, it was obvious that much was learned from the first event to make this one run much smoother.  It was well run and organized and didn't seem to take nearly as long to form the ribbon and set the record as it did before in Jeddah.

10KSA official scarf designs 2015

All women who came were provided with pink fuchsia scarves to wear.  One of the rules for the world record is that all participants must be wearing the same color.  There were four different designs that I saw - the main body of the scarves were the solid pink and the ends had different designs that were chosen from entries in a contest.   The designs all incorporated Arabian influence with the breast cancer theme.

Witnessing the sea of women outfitted in matching pink, coming together for such a worthy cause was extremely exciting and meaningful.  Seeing the pride, motivation, and determination of the women of all ages in Saudi Arabia was quite a profound and inspiring experience.

The excitement builds as thousands of women wait for the Guinness judge's decision.  (Photo: Blue Abaya)

Now just think about both of these history making events for a moment.  In a country where women are still denied the right to drive cars themselves, logistically speaking, both of these accomplishments required immense planning, determination, and effort.  Yet both of these events were tremendous successes.  It just goes to show that when Saudi women put their minds to something, you better get out of their way!

P.S. - I almost forgot to mention that the worldwide transport company Uber provided FREE transportation to the women of Saudi Arabia on that day if they were going to vote or were attending the Pink Ribbon event.  So a big "Thank You to Uber" for their support and generosity in making these events successful.

Meet Saudi Arabia's first women election candidates

The following article was published in The Telegraph.UK on Nov. 9, 2015, and was written by Richard Spencer


Their election leaflets cannot contain photographs, and they are not allowed to address men directly at campaign meetings.

But in a breakthrough moment for Saudi Arabia, a country known for neither voting nor female emancipation, the names of first women to nominate themselves as election candidates have been published.


The elections for local councils next month are the third in the nation’s modern history, but the first in which women will be allowed to both vote and stand, under a decree by the late King Abdullah.

 

Loujain al-Hathloul spent 73 days in prison after taking part in the campaign to allow women to drive.

Their duties should they win will be the mundane tasks of councils everywhere, such as supervising road maintenance. But the opportunity has been seized by some of the country’s most prominent women’s rights activists, as well by others who see themselves as apolitical but wanting to improve their local community.

More than 1,000 women have nominated themselves across the country, far more than many expected.


“I’m not excited by the idea of winning,” said Loujain al-Hathloul, who earlier this year was released from 73 days in prison after taking part in the campaign to allow women to drive. Now she is Candidate Number 1 for Riyadh District 5. “I’m focussed on increasing the number of women who stand in elections.”


King Abdullah, who died at the age of 91 in January, won a reputation in his later years for increasing opportunities for women in the kingdom, previously notorious as one of the few countries that forces all women to wear the hijab, or headscarf, and requires them to seek permission of their “guardians’ - father, husband or brother - before they travel.


The number of women at university overtook the number of men, while he also ordered that women be allowed to work as shop assistants, since when an estimated hundreds of thousands of women have joined the workforce.


The kingdom has also given 750,000 students scholarship to study abroad in the last decade or so, many of them women, and the change is often most noticed by them when they return.

Haifa al-Hababi

Haifa al-Hababi has noticed a change in Saudi Arabia


“Since I returned I have worked, I travel, and no-one has ever asked for my permission from a guardian,” said Haifa al-Hababi, an architect who studied and worked in London and Glasgow before returning to Saudi Arabia two years ago.


She is now standing as a candidate for Riyadh District 4, has a column in a local newspaper under hijab-less picture byline and is happy to meet a male journalist at home wearing a teeshirt with the slogan “Punk’s Not Dead”.


Although both women are among those who have studied abroad, they represent different factions. Mrs Hababi, 38, and married to a lawyer, says she is standing to put her architectural principles - that good design is a way of life - into practice.


She sees the campaigns for women driving and to end the guardianship as part of “old generation feminism” that is ceasing to be relevant for the many Saudi women who have education and jobs.


Mrs Hathloul, on the other hand, who is married to one of Saudi Arabia’s best-known comedians, has herself become one of its best-known activists.


She was arrested last year for trying to drive from the United Arab Emirates - where there are many fewer restrictions on women - across the border. This "international" act of civil disobedience was seen as particularly provocative, and she was at one time threatened with terrorism charges.


She says she is able to do what she does only thanks to a liberal father, who has backed her campaign and despite being a former navy officer sat in the passenger seat with her while she broke the law.


The two women also have different attitudes to some of the rules instituted for these elections, including that banning the use of photographs and the one preventing candidates addressing members of the opposite sex.


Both apply to men and women, but for the activists, this is a clever way of discriminating against women while appearing to be equal: if candidates can only effectively campaign in private, that gives the advantage to men who have more opportunities to spread their manifestos through work and social networks.


Mrs Hababi however says the ban on photographs is a good thing - it prevents people advertising their religiosity through the length of their beard, discouraging hardline Islamism.

 

Naseema Assada comes from the minority Shia community


For Naseema Assada, one of nine women among 62 candidates for 12 seats in the eastern town of Qateef, the election is even more sensitive. She comes from the minority Shia community, and Qateef is a hotspot of anti-government Shia demonstrations.


Ali Mohammed al-Nimr, the young protester whose sentence to death by beheading and crucifixion was condemned by Labour Party leader Jeremy Corbyn, provoking a row with the Saudi ambassador to London, is also from Qateef.


Her involvement in the women’s driving movement stemmed from her work in publicising cases of arrested protesters.


The protests in Qateef in 2011-12 triggered a government backlash, as did all the events of the Arab Spring in Saudi Arabia. A whole swathe of civil society activists were arrested and sentenced to long terms.


“I was interested in human rights first,” Mrs Assada said. “One of our human rights is our political rights, and political rights for women are also very important.”


She has twice been “called in” by police and urged to “speak softly” when it comes to the government.


She admits that in some ways the election is a “play”, as she puts it. Other activists are boycotting them altogether, like Aziza al-Yousef, a veteran feminist. “Things are actually getting worse and worse,” Mrs Yousef said, referring to fears that the new king, Salman, with a reputation as a conservative, will halt his predecessor’s reforms.


“I think we need to change the whole system. We don’t need revolution but we need evolution, to change the structure of government.”


The number of women going to university had just created a “well-educated prison”, she said.


But Mrs Assada said it was still worth participating as a way of showing both men and women what was possible.


“It’s just baby steps, and the people want more and more,” she said. “It’s not that they are giving us our rights. But it’s not too hard a way to educate women and people in general throughout society what our rights are.”

First Wives Club

I used to be able to count on one hand the number of women I personally know whose Saudi husbands married a second wife.  Those days are gone.  Sadly now that number exceeds all the fingers on both hands and all of my toes as well.  As many of you know, Saudi Arabia is governed by Sharia Law which comes from the Quran, the holy book of Islam.  Islam allows men to be married to up to four different women at the same time. 

Muslim scholars and Muslim men seem to be proud of the fact that the Quran is the only holy book that actually states “Marry only one (wife).”  I hear them boast about this all the time!  Why then are so many Muslim men taking on more than wife?  I find this amusing, since polygyny is permitted in Islam but not encouraged.  I just hate it when I hear men here saying that it is their God-given right.  Pfffft!

The original idea for this arrangement is centuries old and was borne out of the necessity of the times.  Men would go off to war, get killed, and there was an abundance of widows and orphans left behind that needed to be protected and provided for.  It was affirmed to be man's “social responsibility,” which begs the question:  Why exactly does a man have to marry a second woman to fulfill his social responsibility?  Especially when the Quran clearly says "Marry only one"???  Aren’t there other socially acceptable ways to provide for needy people other than marriage?  How about charity?  Why do men have to introduce sex into the equation in order to fulfill their social responsibility?

Many Muslim men like to make the claim that there are SO many more women in the world than men, and while that may have been the case centuries ago, statistically speaking, this is no longer a valid argument.  In today’s world, all recent statistics clearly show that men now outnumber women in births (107 to 100) and in the world population (101 to 100).

Yes, there are some countries in the world where women outnumber men, but in the total overall, there are more men.  And Saudi Arabia – where men can marry up to four women - is one of the majority countries that actually has more men than women - so this contention just doesn't hold water any more.

Another reason given for why polygyny is allowed in Islam is to allow a man whose wife cannot bear children to marry another woman who can have babies so he can produce heirs.  The problem with this assertion is that frequently the man is the one with fertility problems - so this excuse for multiple wives should at least have a provision that the man should be checked first to make sure he is not the one with sterility problems - don't cha think?  

 

I’ve even heard proponents of the multiple wives policy come up with the reasoning that there are so many gay men in the world - so obviously gay men don't count as eligible men in the marriage pool.  Hello?  They always seem to overlook the fact that there are also plenty of lesbians in the world too who don’t want to marry men either.  Moot point.  

And probably the most "honest" excuse I have heard for why polygyny is allowed in Islam is because men just naturally have a stronger sex drive and want to have sex with a variety of women.  So polygyny allows men to do this under the sanctity of marriage to prevent either of the participants from committing a grave sin, according to religion.  However, this argument totally discounts the female’s sex drive and presumes incorrectly that only men have strong sexual urges.  

So in Islam, a woman who becomes a second wife (or third or fourth) is considered by many as doing an "honorable" thing.  But somehow I really don’t think there are too many first wives out there who would actually agree with that statement.   

My thoughts on this are that there are three possible situations where a woman might become a second wife:  

1 – She is a desperate divorcee or widow and wants the security for herself and her children.  

2 – She becomes a second wife unwittingly because the man wasn’t honest with her.   

3 – She actively pursues a married man because she sees that he is wealthy and she doesn’t care that she is destroying a marriage and a family in the process.  

I personally know of women here in Saudi Arabia fitting all of these scenarios.  To be continued…