First Wives Club

I used to be able to count on one hand the number of women I personally know whose Saudi husbands married a second wife.  Those days are gone.  Sadly now that number exceeds all the fingers on both hands and all of my toes as well.  As many of you know, Saudi Arabia is governed by Sharia Law which comes from the Quran, the holy book of Islam.  Islam allows men to be married to up to four different women at the same time. 

Muslim scholars and Muslim men seem to be proud of the fact that the Quran is the only holy book that actually states “Marry only one (wife).”  I hear them boast about this all the time!  Why then are so many Muslim men taking on more than wife?  I find this amusing, since polygyny is permitted in Islam but not encouraged.  I just hate it when I hear men here saying that it is their God-given right.  Pfffft!

The original idea for this arrangement is centuries old and was borne out of the necessity of the times.  Men would go off to war, get killed, and there was an abundance of widows and orphans left behind that needed to be protected and provided for.  It was affirmed to be man's “social responsibility,” which begs the question:  Why exactly does a man have to marry a second woman to fulfill his social responsibility?  Especially when the Quran clearly says "Marry only one"???  Aren’t there other socially acceptable ways to provide for needy people other than marriage?  How about charity?  Why do men have to introduce sex into the equation in order to fulfill their social responsibility?

Many Muslim men like to make the claim that there are SO many more women in the world than men, and while that may have been the case centuries ago, statistically speaking, this is no longer a valid argument.  In today’s world, all recent statistics clearly show that men now outnumber women in births (107 to 100) and in the world population (101 to 100).

Yes, there are some countries in the world where women outnumber men, but in the total overall, there are more men.  And Saudi Arabia – where men can marry up to four women - is one of the majority countries that actually has more men than women - so this contention just doesn't hold water any more.

Another reason given for why polygyny is allowed in Islam is to allow a man whose wife cannot bear children to marry another woman who can have babies so he can produce heirs.  The problem with this assertion is that frequently the man is the one with fertility problems - so this excuse for multiple wives should at least have a provision that the man should be checked first to make sure he is not the one with sterility problems - don't cha think?  

 

I’ve even heard proponents of the multiple wives policy come up with the reasoning that there are so many gay men in the world - so obviously gay men don't count as eligible men in the marriage pool.  Hello?  They always seem to overlook the fact that there are also plenty of lesbians in the world too who don’t want to marry men either.  Moot point.  

And probably the most "honest" excuse I have heard for why polygyny is allowed in Islam is because men just naturally have a stronger sex drive and want to have sex with a variety of women.  So polygyny allows men to do this under the sanctity of marriage to prevent either of the participants from committing a grave sin, according to religion.  However, this argument totally discounts the female’s sex drive and presumes incorrectly that only men have strong sexual urges.  

So in Islam, a woman who becomes a second wife (or third or fourth) is considered by many as doing an "honorable" thing.  But somehow I really don’t think there are too many first wives out there who would actually agree with that statement.   

My thoughts on this are that there are three possible situations where a woman might become a second wife:  

1 – She is a desperate divorcee or widow and wants the security for herself and her children.  

2 – She becomes a second wife unwittingly because the man wasn’t honest with her.   

3 – She actively pursues a married man because she sees that he is wealthy and she doesn’t care that she is destroying a marriage and a family in the process.  

I personally know of women here in Saudi Arabia fitting all of these scenarios.  To be continued…

A Whole New Spin on "WALL-MART"

I really try my best to present a balanced view of Saudi Arabia, but there are certain times when some issues just drive me batty.  Gender segregation here is taken to such an extreme here that it tends to create many more problems than those they are trying to resolve - not to mention making Saudi Arabia look like an absurdly backward place where men are not held accountable for their actions, and the blame and punishment is usually aimed at women.  Weddings are segregated affairs, restaurants have separate entrances and dining areas for families and single men, even many private family gatherings I've attended have been segregated.

At a local mall event, notice how the men and women are mostly segregated, left and right.

The latest edict regarding gender segregation comes from the Minister of Labor Adel Faqieh, who has been seen in the past as a rather progressive guy because of his support of women in the workplace.  But now from the Saudi labor department there is a new order that requires the building of 1.6 meter high walls inside businesses to separate working men and women.  Yeah – you heard that right.  Now keep in mind that these working Saudi women are already completely draped in black cloaks, hair completely covered, and many also wear veils over their faces.  

Is this way of dress alone not enough of a barrier?

When I first moved to Saudi Arabia five years ago, there were no women working in sales positions in stores or malls - because they weren't allowed to.  In fact most women in the kingdom were restricted to working in female only educational facilities or in the medical field, where mostly foreign women have been permitted to work as nurses or lab techs side by side with men.   Saudi women in medicine generally are doctors or researchers.

Nowadays Saudi women work in lingerie shops.  Men can only enter these shops when accompanied by female family members.

It was bad enough – and downright creepy - that women here in Saudi Arabia were forced until recently to purchase their undies from men, when the women organized and demanded that women be put in these types of sales positions, including lingerie and cosmetics shops.   Their voices were heard and the King ordered that these salesmen be replaced with women.  It was a huge victory for women in Saudi Arabia.  This eventually led to women being employed in supermarkets, department stores, and women’s clothing shops. 

Saudi female cashiers in the supermarket chain HyperPanda here in Jeddah

Shopping here in Saudi Arabia - at grocery stores, malls, and even small shops - has always been mixed and has never been gender segregated.  As a friend of mine pointed out recently, this "problem" that exists now seems to stem from the fact that women are the ones earning the money instead of just spending it.   It was always okay here when men were the workers and women were the customers, but now that women are working in fields that were formerly dominated by men, the religious bigwigs are suddenly having tizzy fits.  

Why is it okay for this type of gender interaction, but not when the female is the one behind the counter?

In a group discussion about this new development to prevent gender mixing in the workplace, one participant said:  For a country with such high religiosity, it appears that the Saudi adult citizens cannot be trusted to behave with morals and manners in the most basic social and community settings.  I call this a RED FLAG ... Obviously something is desperately wrong. When people are raised with such strict religious laws, norms / values and the government's actions repeatedly imply that Saudi citizens lack basic self-control and are not capable of social interaction with the opposite sex for fear of combustible consensual sexual intercourse, molestation, or rape ... Where else in the world does such a problem exist? Seriously! What is taking place in Saudi society and its institutions that would cause the Saudi government to assume that its citizens' behaviors are so spiritually bankrupt?

Is it better for Saudi women to just beg instead of working a real job?

So exactly what has prompted this move from the Ministry of Labor?  Since women began working in other venues a few short years ago, I would ask - have there been incidents or problems with working women being harassed or complaints about men they work with?  None that I am aware of have been reported in the news, although one article I read vaguely hinted that there have been complaints, but nothing specific.  

Or does it perhaps have to do with the deadly threats from 200 members of the country’s religious police force causing a ruckus in late December 2012, whereby these “Men of God” told the Minister of Labor that if he didn’t do something to stop Saudi women from mixing with men in the workplace that they would pray that Faqieh gets cancer and dies?  Nice, huh?  Especially sweet coming from "Men of God."

 

I think I have a much better and easier solution.  Why not give the men in Saudi Arabia a chance to prove that they can behave themselves around women in the workplace?  And if they can’t manage to do that, then just FIRE THEIR ASSES!!!  

Child molester, torturer and murderer Sheikh Fayhan Al Ghamdi

I'm getting off topic here now, but what I really want to know is:  why aren’t these religious guys (who are so concerned with protecting morality and female virginity) focusing on more important things that pertain to women and children here?  For example, why aren’t they totally unhinged about the recent ruling in the case of the Islamic preacher, Sheikh Fayhan AlGhamdi?  Al Ghamdi brutally raped and tortured his own five year old daughter in December of 2011.  She remained in a coma in the hospital and finally succumbed to her horrendous injuries some 10 months later, in October 2012.  

The judge in the case has recently ruled that the few months Al Ghamdi spent in jail was enough and all he has to do now is pay the family of the victim “blood money.”  Here in Saudi Arabia, the so-called "justice system" in place is along the lines of “an eye for an eye” and provides for financial compensation paid to the heirs of the victim.  In this case, the girl’s family or heirs would include her own father who heinously killed her.  However, the paying of blood money should only apply when the killing was unintentional.  It was obvious that the injuries suffered by this poor girl were not an accident. 

So why isn’t the religious establishment here in Saudi Arabia demanding Al Ghamdi’s head on a platter instead of concerning themselves with such trivial matters as building barriers to separate men and women in the workplace?   I don’t get it.

For more reading on these subjects: 

From Al Arabiya News:  Saudi labor minister faces 'deadly prayers' from angry clerics

From Al Arabiya News:  "Wall-Mart?" Saudi shops to build sex segregation walls

From Sabria S. Jawhar:  A commentary on Saudi society and religious bullies

From Saudi Woman, Eman Al Nafjan:  Rest in peace, Lama

From Omaima Al Najjar:  Islamic preacher gets away with murder

SAUDI ARABIA: Boredom + Lack of Activities = Unacceptable Behavior & Stupid Choices

A big problem that exists in Saudi Arabia is the lack of  activities for the youth here.  As a result, many young men end up creating their own forms of "fun."  I felt sickened and angry when I saw this video of these young Saudi bullies who seemingly have no respect for others or the property of others. 

When Religious Debate Becomes a Capital Offense

I find the religious aspect of living in Saudi Arabia very confusing.  Muslims tell me all the time that questions are encouraged in Islam, yet getting satisfactory answers is an entirely separate matter.  I have also found that when I ask questions, people often seem offended or insulted at the thought that I would question something they believe in.

Then there are reports in the news that I find puzzling too, that definitely seem to contradict Islamic teachings.  For example, Islam permits marriages of Muslim men to women of Muslim, Christian, and Jewish faiths, yet a Muslim man was recently arrested in Mecca for letting it be known that he wanted to marry a Jewish woman.

With Islam being the predominant religion of the Middle East - and the only one permitted in Saudi Arabia, so much so that it requires religious police to keep everyone in line - I find it peculiar and troubling that the rate of depression in Middle Eastern countries is excessively higher in this part of the world, according to a just released study by the World Health Organization.  I can't help but wonder if this has some correlation to the ultra-strict religious choke hold on life here. 

I believe in freedom of religion.  I dislike it when others try to impose their religious beliefs on me.  I also abhor the wars, the killing and the violence, and the oppression of women that people around the world commit in the name of religion.  And I think it's a very sad day when a person is jailed and could even face the death penalty for encouraging discussions about religious beliefs.

The following article  appeared on the Human Rights Watch website on Dec. 22, 2012...

Saudi Arabia: Website Editor Facing Death Penalty 

Encouraged Peaceful Religious Discussion

(Beirut) – Saudi authorities should immediately drop all charges against the detained editor of a website created to foster debate about religion and religious figures in Saudi Arabia.

On December 17, 2012, the Jeddah District Court, which had been hearing the case against the editor, Raif Badawi, referred it to a higher court on a charge of apostasy, which carries the death penalty. The charges against him, based solely to Badawi’s involvement in setting up a website for peaceful discussion about religion and religious figures, violate his right to freedom of expression.

“Badawi’s life hangs in the balance because he set up a liberal website that provided a platform for an open and peaceful discussion about religion and religious figures,” said Eric Goldstein, deputy Middle East director at Human Rights Watch. “Saudi Arabia needs to stop treating peaceful debate as a capital offense.”

A member of Badawi’s family told Human Rights Watch that during the December 17 hearing, Judge Muhammad al-Marsoom prevented Badawi’s lawyer from representing his client in court and demanded that Badawi “repent to God.” The judge informed Badawi that he could face the death penalty if he did not repent and renounce his liberal beliefs, the family member said.

Badawi refused, leading Judge al-Marsoom to refer the case to the Public Court of Jeddah, recommending that it try Badawi for apostasy.

Prior to the December 17 hearing, Badawi had been charged with “insulting Islam through electronic channels” and “going beyond the realm of obedience,” neither of which carries the death penalty. A different judge, Abdulrahim al-Muhaydeef, presided over five sessions of the trial but was replaced without explanation for the December 17 hearing by Judge al-Marsoom.

Saudi law derives from principles of Islamic Shariah, which are not codified and do not follow a system of precedent. As a result, individual judges are free to interpret the Quran and prophetic traditions – the two agreed-upon sources of Shariah – as they see fit.

With the exception of a few crimes – including the capital offense of apostasy – judges essentially can interpret offenses to fit facts rather than assessing whether facts fit a clearly defined offense. Saudi judges also frequently convict people who engage in peaceful criticism of religious or political authorities on vague charges, including “going beyond the realm of obedience.”

Security forces arrested Badawi, a 30-year-old from the port city of Jeddah, on June 17. Badawi in 2008 was co-founder of the Free Saudi Liberals website, an online platform for debating religious and political matters in Saudi Arabia.

On the website, Badawi and others had declared May 7, 2012, a day for Saudi liberals, hoping to garner interest in open discussion about the differences between “popular” and “politicized” religion, Su’ad al-Shammari, secretary general of the website, told Human Rights Watch. Human Rights Watch had previously called for al-Badawi’s release on the grounds that his arrest violated his right to freedom of expression.

Based on a royal decree issued by King Abdullah in April 2011, all crimes related to insulting Islam by electronic means fall under the jurisdiction of a judicial council in the Ministry of Information. The council has the authority to refer cases directly to the king, who may “take measures in the public interest,” including referring cases to court.

The judicial process against Badawi has not made clear what words or activities provoked his prosecution. However, international human rights law provides broad protection of the right to freedom of expression. It permits restrictions only in narrowly defined circumstances, such as speech that constitutes incitement to imminent violence. International norms provide protection for speech about religion, including speech that some may find departs from commonly held beliefs or insults a religion or religious group.

Saudi authorities have harassed Badawi since he founded the website. In March 2008, prosecutors arrested and detained him for questioning but released him a day later. In 2009, the government barred him from foreign travel and froze his business interests, depriving him of a source of income, a family member told Human Rights Watch.

His father and a brother have publicly distanced themselves from him and declared him an unbeliever, and members of his wife’s family also filed a suit in a Jeddah court to have him forcibly divorced from his wife as an apostate. His wife and children are living outside of the country.

“Instead of protecting their citizens’ right to freedom of expression, the Saudi government has gone all-out against Badawi, to punish him and intimidate others who dare to debate matters of religion,” Goldstein said. “The authorities should drop the charges against him.”