Russian Interview - Part 3 - My Life in Saudi Arabia

This is the 3rd and final part of the interview I did with Volodymyr for his YouTube Channel.  It is all in English. This 15 minute segment discusses my son's three years in Saudi Arabia when he was a teenager and what my life here in Jeddah is like now.  I hope you have enjoyed this peek into my life!

To Volodymyr - I'd like to thank you for your professionalism and for pursuing this interview with me.  It was fun and some of your questions made me have to stop and think about things I hadn't necessarily thought of.  I wish you all the best with your YouTube Channel, "Saudi Diaries."

In case you missed Parts 1 and 2 of this interview, here are the links:

Russian Interview - Part 1 - How I Met my Husband

Russian Interview - Part 2 on Family, Culture, and Religion 

A Peek Inside a Saudi Wedding

In December I attended a family wedding at the brand new Hotel Galleria by Elaf in Jeddah.  The lobby is quite elegant and it's several stories tall. It has a grand European ambience.  The exterior of the hotel is spectacular. We arrived after dark though, so I don't have any exterior shots, but you can see some HERE. 

Traditionally, Saudi weddings are notorious for starting very late in the evening and lasting until the wee hours in the morning.  I believe this is due to several reasons.  First of all, people don't really start getting ready for the wedding until after the isha prayer, the last prayer of the evening.  Also, the bridal party usually arrives early to take professional photos with the family before the guests arrive. Since many Saudi weddings are still segregated affairs, this allows for time for the male family members to be in the photos, even though they are not part of the actual wedding.  This wedding was for women only. The men's affair was held the evening before at a completely different venue. 

The wedding venue was so elegant and spectacular.  Every detail had been well thought out. At one end of the hall was a raised stage with a gorgeous golden couch for the bridal party (the bride, her mom, and her sisters) to receive well wishers. 

The table centerpieces varied from table to table, with some having candelabras and others with large floral centerpieces.  Delicious dates were available on each table.

Once the female guests begin to arrive, photography is forbidden, so unfortunately I don't have any photos of the amazing evening gowns that were worn that night.  But I can tell you that the gowns could have been worn at the Academy Awards. Some of the younger women wore short trendy party dresses. Many guests had their hair and makeup professionally done for the occasion. 

The gorgeous seating area on the stage for the bride was surrounded by beautiful purple and white floral arrangements.  It was picture perfect.

My husband and I took advantage of the free time we had before the other guests arrived to take photos. We don't get dressed up fancy very often.  I think he looks so handsome in his traditional wear, don't you?  He had to leave before the female guests began arriving.

At the other end of hall was an amazing space great for photos, decorated with flower streams hanging down over flowing white drapes.  It was truly spectacular. 

The female-only servers were all dressed formally in black and white.  They were very attentive and brought us drinks of water and juices as soon as we sat down.  They also served us a variety of finger foods that were delicious.  The crystal chandeliers in the ballroom were exquisite. 

Guests began arriving after 10 pm.  It was fun seeing the variety of gorgeous dresses the ladies wore.  The ladies danced up and down the center aisle you see above. The music was a live female percussion band that had a singer with a beautiful voice who sang in Arabic.  The bride made her grand entrance at about 1 am, slowly making her way down the staircase and then gliding down the center aisle toward the golden couch at the other end.  It was the family's choice that the groom did not make an appearance at the wedding before the women. 

Above is just one of the platters of tasty delights that was served to us.  These were all sweet and other platters of finger foods were savory.  I would have liked to have tasted them all!  Dinner was served at about 2 am in the adjoining banquet room.  It consisted of table after table of scrumptious salads, breads, dips, vegetables, meats, and desserts.  The variety was overwhelming.  It was all delicious!  Sorry I couldn't get photos of the amazing buffet spread, but the female guests were all around, so I couldn't. 

My friend Vicki and I had an fabulous time that evening.  It was Vicki's first Saudi wedding ever and I think she had a very memorable time.  We sat with a table full of charming Saudi women who were old friends of my sister-in-law, the mother of the bride. 

Below is the candelabra centerpiece which adorned some of the tables.  Both types of centerpieces were placed on top of a large glass Lazy Susan, which made reaching things on it much easier. 

One final shot of me and my Saudi Prince - we were actually celebrating a milestone ourselves the very next day - 40 years together!  Gee, it seems like it was only yesterday ...

Gender Segregation is Insulting!

Few things about life here in Saudi Arabia get me all riled up like the extreme gender segregation does.  It is one of the things that I dislike the most and one of the things that I feel does WAY more harm than good.

In my opinion, gender segregation is largely responsible for many of this country's social problems.  Gender segregation stunts healthy emotional growth.  The high divorce rate can be cited as a problem partially caused by gender segregation.  At puberty young boys and girls are suddenly separated socially from each other and there is no interaction with the opposite sex.  As a result many young people who marry do not know how to communicate, act or behave around the opposite sex.

Photo Credit: RealSociology.edublogs.org

Many young Saudi men are often accused of harassing women - and it's directly due to the way this society is set up with severe gender segregation, plus the lack of accountability for men and their actions.  Instead, this society usually chooses to put the blame on women by punishing them for men not being able to control themselves around fitna-inducing temptresses.

At the university level, young female students often fantasize, become obsessed with, and even fall in love with male professors who conduct classes for women from a remote location via closed circuit television.  I’ve heard many stories about how female students frequently pursue these male professors, who are often married, much older, and not even particularly attractive.

And now the latest issue regarding gender segregation has come about involving two women who were elected to the municipal council in Jeddah.  These women were elected to their positions, just like the men on the council were.  Yet there is an anti-women crusade going on to prevent these women from taking their rightful positions on the council alongside their male colleagues.  

This faction is trying to preclude these duly elected female officials from participating effectively on the council, marginalizing the women by forcing them to sit outside the council chambers, like children who are being punished, instead of full-fledged elected members of the board. 
  
Seriously? Women in Saudi Arabia achieved a major milestone when they were allowed to vote and run for public office for the first time in their lives in December 2015 - a HUGE step forward for Saudi women.  But now others are trying to prevent them from effectively carrying out their duties.  Gender segregation carried to such an extreme like this is not only insulting to the women, it is extremely insulting to the men on the council who are being perceived as incapable of being trusted or of controlling themselves around a couple of female colleagues and incapable of seeing women as anything other than sexual objects. 

To make matters worse and to exemplify the severity of this extreme gender segregation, the two councilwomen, Lama Al-Suleiman and Rasha Hefzi, have now received death threats for attempting to take their rightful place at the meetings.  Fortunately there has been support for the women from the community, but there are some who oppose them.  
  
Don’t miss these two articulate opinion pieces recently written by a couple of Saudi women about this very subject:

“Saudi Women’s Work and Challenges in the Council Just Starting” by Maha Akeel

“Women’s Empowerment” by Nabeela Husni Mahjoub

Don't Miss It! Head Over Heels in Saudi Arabia

Dr. Maisah Sobaihi (photo: Vimeo)

"Head Over Heels in Saudi Arabia" is a one-woman comedy show written and performed by Dr. Maisah Sobaihi, exploring the lives and loves of Saudi women with humor and insight.  I had the pleasure of seeing this delightful show and writing about it several years ago in 2008.  For my review and synopsis of the play, please click HERE.  Since that time, Sobaihi has repeated her performance many times, and this week she is doing it again.

WHERE:  EFFAT UNIVERSITY AUDITORIUM in JEDDAH - GATE 13


WHEN:     MONDAY, FEB. 18 (in ENGLISH) and 
                  TUESDAY, FEB. 19 (in ARABIC)

TIME:       8:30 PM 

MEN AND WOMEN ARE WELCOME, BUT WITH SEPARATE SEATING
 
PRICE:     250 SR

BUY TICKETS AT 

Head Over Heels In Saudi Arabia - 3-Minute Promo Video from Maisah Sobaihi on Vimeo.

SAUDI ARABIA: Boredom + Lack of Activities = Unacceptable Behavior & Stupid Choices

A big problem that exists in Saudi Arabia is the lack of  activities for the youth here.  As a result, many young men end up creating their own forms of "fun."  I felt sickened and angry when I saw this video of these young Saudi bullies who seemingly have no respect for others or the property of others. 

From Syria with Love - Athr Gallery Group Exhibition

Oil on canvas, by Abdullah Murad

I recently had the pleasure of attending the opening night of Athr Art Gallery's current exhibition called "From Syria with Love" by a group of outstanding Syrian artists. 

Oil on canvas, by Abdullah Murad

You can click on any photo for a larger view. 

The artists featured in this show are:  Abdullah Murad, Asaad Arabi, Fadi Yazigi, Farouk Kondakji, Ismail El Helou, Malva Omar Hamda, Mohammed Tlernat, and Mustafa Ali. 

Oil on canvas, by Ismail El Helou

As you can see, the artwork was quite varied.

Wood and bronze mirror, by Mustafa Ali

Many of these Syrian artists are well established and their works have been sought after, bought and housed by collectors around the world.  

Acrylic on canvas, by Asaad Arabi

Painter Asaad Arabi received his PhD in aesthetics from Sorbonne University. 

Acrylic on canvas, by Asaad Arabi

Acrylic on canvas, by Farouk Kondakji

A quote from artist Farouk Kondakji:  "My paintings are the only photographs that resemble me."

The young hip crowd attending the opening night festivities are enthusiastic and supportive of Jeddah's art scene.  

Acrylic on canvas, by Farouk Kondakji

Oil on canvas, by Malva Omar Hamdi

Artist Malva Omar Hamdi now resides in Vienna, Austria.

Mixed media, by Mohammed Tlemat

Modernist painter Mohammed Tlemat has lived in Egypt, Libya, Kuwait, and Saudi Arabia.

Mixed media on canvas, by Fadi Yazigi

To see the entire collection, please click here for Athr Gallery's website. 

Mixed media on flour bag, by Fadi Yazigi

The "From Syria with Love" exhibition is on display at Athr Gallery through January 10, 2013.  Athr Gallery is located at Serafi Mega Mall at the corner of Tahliah and Siteen in Jeddah. 

Is There Halloween in Saudi Arabia?

For the vast majority of the country, the answer to that question would have to be NO! Halloween would be seen as having evil roots, the work of the devil, plus the fact that frivilous and fun activities seem to be forbidden or at least frowned upon here. Western holidays are not celebrated, and there are only two holidays recognized here at all - and both of them, not surprisingly, are religious. I haven't actually heard or read that Halloween is technically banned here though, not like Valentine's Day is - which I have written about before.

I'm sure there are Halloween parties and possibly even trick-or-treating within the confines of the residential compounds for foreign workers here. And until this year, I didn't think it was a holiday that was celebrated among Saudis. But it seems that through the wonders of the internet, some Saudis have learned about Halloween and want to dress up in costumes, celebrate, and have their own parties.

I was recently invited to tag along with H (one of my SIL's) to a party at her relative's house, but I had no idea it was going to be a costume party until H and her 6-year-old son got into our car and I saw that the boy was dressed up in a Sponge Bob costume. When we arrived at the party, the villa's gates were decorated with spider webs, witches, pumpkins, and big spiders, and inside there were balloons, bats, and ghosts and other elaborate orange and black Halloween decorations.

The party guests were mostly fun-loving teenage girls and a few were younger, about 30 in all. There were also maybe three little boys, under age 10. They were dressed up in costumes from princesses to punk rockers to puppies. One of my favorites was a girl of about 10 dressed up like a Saudi man in the white thobe and red and white checkered scarf - she had a black beard and moustache painted onto her face plus her eyebrows were heavily painted into a big unibrow. I thought she was adorable.

But the absolute best costume was worn by my hilarious SIL H. After we arrived, she went into the bathroom to change. She put on a loose pink housedress with big brown polka dots all over it and wrapped her head up in a white scarf. Then she put on these thick Coke bottle glasses with round black plastic frames, gnarly rotten fake teeth protruded from her mouth, and she had tucked large bulbous sprigs of some type of fragrant green herb into the arms of the eyeglasses which stuck out on each side of her head - apparently this is something traditional that old Yemenese women do to smell good, but it looks rather odd. As the finishing touch, she added a huge balloon under the skirt of her dress in the back - it was one of the funniest costumes I have ever seen.

There was a female DJ who played dance music ranging from Western hip hop to current Middle Eastern hits and the girls had a blast dancing in the large living room turned into a dance floor where the furniture had been mostly removed. The adult women spent most of the time upstairs chatting and laughing and smoking sheesha. I was asked about Halloween traditions so I told them everything I could think of. Next year I'm going to make them a Haunted House and have them bobbing for apples!

A New Chapter

The oppressive heat of Jeddah’s concrete jungle is something I did not miss this past summer during my trip to the states. I spent the whole time in the cool and invigorating Pacific Northwest, surrounded by tall evergreens, wild deer and raccoon, and the beautiful waters of the Puget Sound.

I busied myself with physical activities and chores, many of them performed outdoors – activities I am not accustomed to doing in Saudi Arabia because of the suffocating soaring temperatures and because women here just don’t do outside work.

But my main goal this summer though was to get Adam/Captain Kabob settled in to my brother’s home nestled in the forest - he would be staying on to finish his last two years of high school there with them. Several of my friends’ children here in Saudi Arabia have been sent out of the country for high school to boarding schools in Europe or sent to live with family elsewhere around the world, so it’s not that uncommon for “half and half children” to do this. As much as the International Schools here in KSA try to make the high school experience mimic that of back home, for us the issues of transportation, living arrangements, family expectations, and cultural pressures always seemed to impede Adam’s ability to fully immerse himself into the typical Western high school experience here.

Since our move to KSA in the fall of 2007, my husband’s strict parenting style had tightened even more, and I often found myself stuck in the middle of an ongoing battleground between a hard-headed father and his stubborn son. Trying to magically turn a 14-year-old American boy into a typical Saudi teenager was just not possible in Captain Kabob's case, and it took my husband three years to be convinced of that. Before we moved here, my son and I had never set foot in Saudi Arabia, so all Adam had ever known was of his life in the United States. I thought the move would be a great opportunity to expose him to his father’s heritage, language, family, and culture – and it was.

But the reality of the stark differences in our new lives here proved too much for a teenage American boy to handle. Now I’m not saying that life in the US is better than life here in KSA – it boils down to a matter of familiarity. I’m often surprised at the number of people who ask me which is better: life in KSA or life in the US? There are good and not-so-good things about both, but it’s like comparing apples and oranges. It’s really what you are used to that seems to become your preference. In some ways life is easier here in KSA, and in other ways, it is much more difficult - especially for Western women who are not used to the restrictions placed on women here - and also for free-spirited teenagers who are anxious to spread their wings.

The truth is that I was actually scared stiff for Captain Kabob – he was depressed and would often tell me how he hated his life here in KSA. I was afraid that he would make some stupid misguided decision here in this unforgiving place, as hot-headed foolish teenage boys often do worldwide, that might affect him the rest of his life. What we see as normal socializing in the West is considered a "crime" here in this strict Islamic society. Being alone in the company of someone of the opposite sex who is not related to you is a punishable offense here in Saudi Arabia. And contrary to what one might think - considering the stiff penalties for drug and alcohol possession in this country - these temptations are readily available here. As much as I constantly reminded Adam of the dangers, pitfalls, and consequences of these types of things, I still worried constantly that he might make that one stupid decision that could cost him his future. And my concerns only intensified after Captain Kabob was mugged and physically and emotionally hurt in an incident that happened when he foolishly got into a vehicle he mistook for a cab.

So as soon as my husband came to the realization shortly after his heart surgery back in March that it would be better for his own health if he and Adam weren’t living under the same roof, I made plans for Captain Kabob to leave here. My wonderful family has welcomed him with loving arms and he is now attending high school in Washington State. Every chance he gets, he tells me that he now loves his life.

Adam is happy once again, and that is all that really matters. He got his learners permit to drive and took a driver’s ed course this summer with his cousin. There was no way I wanted him driving in Jeddah, where there are no rules, pure testosterone on the road, and every time we get into the car, I feel our lives are at risk. I’m happy to report that he is extremely cautious when behind the wheel and takes driving very seriously. He is making new friends and keeping in touch with his old friends in Saudi Arabia and in Florida. He’s gone to the movies and attended a couple of concerts, things he wasn’t able to do here in KSA because there are none. And I was actually pleasantly surprised the other day when Captain Kabob told me that he missed Saudi Arabia a bit - but that's likely that he just misses me and his dad and his friends.

With Skype, Facebook, and my handy MagicJack, I’m finding that staying in close contact with Adam is easy. He is growing up and spreading his wings. At this point, because of all he’s been through these past three years, I think his maturity level exceeds that of most of his peers. That shy pubescent boy who first set foot in Saudi Arabia as an awkward teen has blossomed into a confident, responsible, and level-headed young man who is perfectly capable of making good choices. I know it's natural for parents to always worry about their kids and I know I always will, but it is a relief not to feel that added dread that my son might have made a reckless misstep here in ultra-conservative Saudi Arabia. Adam became a man here in Saudi Arabia, and I know that the experience will shape his life in many good ways in the years to come.

So, it is a new chapter in our lives for both Captain Kabob and me. Only time will tell if the actual distance between us now and the increased loneliness will prove too much for me, but so far I am coping well, as my husband and I readjust to life as empty-nesters. Then again, I’ve just been back here in the "Magic Kingdom" for two weeks, and I’m taking it one day at a time.

To read more about Captain Kabob, please read an interview he gave to my friend Carol on her blog, American Bedu, that was published in October of 2009.

No Kissing Allowed

Ihave a hard time trying to be upbeat and positive here in a country that is so restrictive for me as a Western woman - which makes it even harder to try to write about positive aspects of this society. There are many good things about living here. I feel very safe here, although I wonder why my husband is so paranoid my safety, for example, that he doesn't want me taking a taxi by myself just to go to the grocery store five minutes away. Overall I believe there is much less crime here than in the USA, but I wonder if that is because people live in fear of the severe penalties doled out for "crimes" that aren't even considered crimes in most of the rest of the world.

Public Displays of Affection (PDAs) are strictly prohibited here in Saudi Arabia. While being overly affectionate in public might make others feel uncomfortable and may push the limits of bad taste, are PDAs so bad that a person should be arrested, thrown in prison, and be lashed?

Al-Yom, a government owned newspaper here in Saudi Arabia, has reported that a Saudi man has been sentenced to 4 months in prison and is to receive 90 lashes for being caught on camera hugging and kissing a woman in a shopping mall in Riyadh. Another term of his punishment is that he will be banned from going to shopping malls for two years. It is not clear from the article whether the man and woman are related. Men and women are not allowed to date, not allowed to work together in most settings, and not allowed to socialize with one another in this country because of strict interpretations of Islamic law regarding gender segregation.

The religious police here have been known to whack a woman sharply with a stick on her ankles if her black cloak isn't long enough and routinely make sure that women are not wearing makeup out in public. There have been many reports of the religious police chasing down vehicles with men and women inside to make them prove that they are related. The religious police also object to women exercising and have closed down many women's gyms here in the Kingdom because they are "decadent" and only women "with no manners" would go to gyms to exercise - I still don't understand these reasons why and apparently neither do many Saudis.

This country still conducts public beheadings. So it's perfectly okay for people to view a spectacle like a beheading, but to witness a little peck on the cheek is too scandalous for anyone to bear here in this country. I read that a man who kissed his wife's forehead (because she had a headache) as he dropped her off at a mall was jumped and beaten up by the religious police. Is that just? Is that deserved? Something seems very wrong with this whole picture. Which is more offensive - seeing someone's head chopped off or witnessing a man kiss his wife on the forehead?

MTV True Life Video

There is a new MTV video that was recently aired featuring four Saudi youths and the realities they face living in Saudi Arabia. Each of them is trying to make changes in their country in their own way while still remaining true to their Islamic heritage. There is lots of talk here in Saudi Arabia about this show. Many Saudis are upset that it shows Saudi Arabia in a bad light. My feeling is that these young people are being truthful and have hope that change will come while many Saudis continue to be in denial about problems within their own country. Speaking out for change is something that can get people into trouble here. I have to admire these young people for having the courage to do so. I would love to see the majority of Saudi people supporting the truth of this video and facing the challenges it presents head-on.


Fatima is a beautiful young Saudi woman of 20 who has started her own business - making colored abayas instead of the traditional black color that most women wear here. Since she is a female, she is forbidden from riding a bicycle in public so she dresses up as a boy and takes her bike out for a spin. I love the images of her standing below the world's largest bicycle in Jeddah - a very famous sculpture that I have featured on my photo blog.

Ahmad is a political activist who is working toward establishing equality in women's rights and others' rights. He faces continual disappointments but doesn't give up.

Aziz is a young man who disagrees with the strict gender segregation in Saudi Arabia. It's heartbreaking when the girl he's in love with, although he's never met her in person, dumps him.

Breeze of the Dying is a heavy metal band comprised of a group of young Saudi men who face difficulties trying to express themselves through their music in the country of Saudi Arabia. They are misunderstood as devil worshippers and only want to play their favorite kind of music in a country that restricts them from doing so.

An hour in length, this documentary is an accurate portrayal of the way things really are in this country and is well worth the time spent watching it. I recognized many of the background scenes shot in Jeddah and have published photos of many of the sculptures and mosques on my photo blog. My feelings at the conclusion of seeing the video were mixed - I was overjoyed that these young adults want to see changes in the same ways that I do and that they are actually trying to do something about it. But I was also saddened at the same time because of all the obstacles they face in trying to do so.

Saudi Alchemist wrote a very fair assessment of the show in his blog post about it.

Click here to watch the MTV documentary.

Here - Drink This!

Warning: Please go to the bathroom to relieve yourself BEFORE reading this post. I don't want to be responsible for you wetting yourself... don't say I didn't warn you.

Just when you thought some things couldn't get any more bizarre in this part of the world than they already are, a learned Saudi cleric, Sheikh Abdul Mohsen Al-Obeikan, is doing some quick backpedaling after publicly supporting a fatwa (religious ruling) which basically says that it's okay for working women to breastfeed male co-workers, as this would be a legitimate way of getting around gender segregation in the workplace here in Saudi Arabia.

Three years ago, an Egyptian sheikh caused quite an international ruckus when he was asked in a televised interview about whether it was acceptable for an adult male to drink the milk from a lactating female co-worker in order to establish a maternal bond of sorts, thereby precluding the strict gender segregation rule in the workplace. As if the question itself wasn't bizarre enough, the fact that he answered a resounding "YES!" was enough to provoke widespread shock and disbelief, as well as plenty of head shaking and hair pulling.

According to Islam, if a nursing mother breastfeeds an infant who is not her own on five separate occasions, a legally recognized familial bond is established between the two of them, plus the nursing donor's immediate family. This means that if the child is a male, when he grows up, the gender segregation issue does not come into play - meaning that the woman and her daughters would not have to cover up around him and they can socialize together. Apparently this is done frequently in Saudi families between sisters so that gender segregation won't affect the families getting together once their children are grown, since all the cousins would then be considered "milk siblings." At the same time, it also means that these cousins would not be allowed to marry each other, as is often done within Saudi families. This also implies that there would logically be no chance of any illicit sexual relations between any of them since that would be incest.

This milking bond came into question last year when 75-year-old Syrian widow, Khamisa Mohammed Sawadi, who was living in Saudi Arabia, was arrested and sentenced to 4 months in prison and 40 lashes because two young men (one of them her "milk" son) entered her residence bearing several loaves of bread. The two young men were also arrested and sentenced to about the same punishment as the old woman. The last I read about this case was in December 2009 stating that all appeals were denied for all three and that the sentences stand. I have to admit that at 50-something, it might be hard to believe that the woman actually breastfed her husband's nephew. But why on earth would it be a crime in the first place to be kind and considerate to an elderly woman? Something is seriously wrong for this to be a crime.

Sheikh Al-Obiekan seemed to think that drinking a woman's pumped breastmilk out of a glass and not suckling directly from the woman's breast is a perfectly reasonable and acceptable way to skirt around and avoid the strict religious ban on gender mixing in this society. But in a bizarre twist to this already unbelievable story, another equally intelligent and enlightened religious scholar and voice of reason disagreed with that (don't get too excited just yet!). This other guy said that the milk should be suckled right from the woman's breast! Forget the fact that Islam also says that nursing should be done during the first two years of a child's life and mentions nothing at all about the ridiculous notion of woman nursing a grown man.

I'm just trying to imagine a prim and proper Saudi woman here covered in black from head to toe whipping out her breast - five separate times, mind you - and offering it to an unrelated man just so she can legally work with him! The whole image is just so absurd. I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried. Don’t these religious scholars have more important issues to worry about than to continually fantasize about womens' breasts? And what exactly are they trying to do to Muslim women? And how is the woman's husband supposed to take all of this?

SaudiWoman wrote a great post which documents the Arabic newspaper articles covering this story.