Widowed in Saudi Arabia - Update

Several years ago in 2009, I brought you the true cautionary tale of a British woman who was widowed in Saudi Arabia.  In the four part series, I detailed the struggles of the woman and her children when her Saudi husband passed away and how her husband's family trapped the woman and her children in Saudi Arabia for ten long years.  

(To read the original four part series, here are the links:  Part One; Part Two; Part Three; and Part Four.)

By late 2010, the family managed to finally escape from the country and I wrote a minor update at that time which focused on the country's male guardianship system.  The seven years since then haven’t been easy for the family, but they have been rebuilding their lives day by day.  I am pleased to now bring you the latest update on this family and their will to survive.  So here, once again, is "Asima," in her own words ...

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How are you an​​d the kids doing? Have they been able to adapt to their new lives?

I’ve been free from Saudi now  for 7 years,  It certainly has been eye opening,  I guess when you’re in the  situation I was in, where you think you will never see freedom again, you cling onto  there being ‘light at the end of the tunnel’. However that’s far from the truth and it’s the beginning of another chapter. It has been hard adjusting. If we had stayed in Saudi, my son would have had a future but my daughter wouldn’t have.  Now the roles are reversed - my daughter has a future, as she was 13 when we escaped from Saudi Arabia, so going to school outside the kingdom has given her an entrance to society, but my son has struggled.

​W​as the adjustment to freedom overwhelming?​ 

Extremely!!! The adjustment was hard.  After 21 years in Saudi (all my adult life), it took me at least 2 years to learn how to be independent again. The children went through numerous rounds of therapy, which my daughter still needs. I have only just begun my own therapy, as I wanted my children sorted first. It showed me that there are very little resources in the West, for the trauma women in my situation go through. I hope in the future, once my book is published, to start a charity to help women. It’s very hard to return to a society that you grew up in as a child but coming from a society that is the total opposite. Even though you look part of that society, you feel you no longer belong. It’s like being caught in 2 worlds. I hope one day to make contacts to start a charity for women with people who understand both cultures and can help women and their kids fit back into society.

What were the biggest challenges you faced?​

When I reached the west I was penniless, with 3 suitcases and my children. We were blessed to find a family lawyer whose services were pro bono, who advised us to change our identities and cut ties to our past lives. This was unbelievably hard to have to deny 21 years of your life, 21 years that shaped you as a person, 21 years of memories and friends.  I guess it was hardest on my son to lose his family name- it was like losing his father all over again.  Next was trying to become financially viable and find a home. I was still unable to sell my home back in Saudi, because of my husband’s family.  However I was blessed with a very close Saudi friend who I gave power of attorney and after a year won the rights to sell my home. The family took their financial share, denying my children their inheritance - funny because their claim to the courts was that they didn’t want us to sell the house as they wanted to protect the kid’s inheritance.

Are you working and doing better financially?

I am working, part time, all the experience I gained in Saudi was worth nothing in the west as the west puts more weight into certification, rather than physical experience. I had to begin back at the bottom and take an apprenticeship course with 18 year old students – but it got my foot in the door of employment. It has been hard the past 7 years trying to be a single mom on part time salary and trying to begin life again.  I certainly would advise any one in my circumstances back in Saudi to make sure they get certification for any work experience they have in Saudi.

What was the biggest surprise​/change to you about the outside world?

Most surprising to me has been how society is more about working to survive, and how closed minded many people are about other cultures. I am blessed that both my children were brought up in a society where your religion and race mean nothing. People couldn’t accept that even though I was British that I didn’t know how things worked.  They saw the same girl that left 21 years ago, but whilst I was physically the same, mentally I was a totally different person - and that’s been a hard barrier to overcome.

How is your social life?

My social life has been in fits and starts.  I was blessed to reconnect with old friends, but truthfully the past 7 years have been about rebuilding our lives, trying to repair the damage to my children and myself from the  trauma  of what happened with my husband’s family. I have found it hard to trust people as a few close friends back in Saudi informed my husband’s family of our planned escape, putting mine and my children’s lives in danger. I do prefer the social life I had in Saudi; it was more active and opened my eyes to the difference between cultures and religions. Socially it was more authentic in Saudi.

​Any exciting news you'd like to share?​

My daughter was accepted into University and is studying creative writing, taking after her mom. She aims to become a university lecturer once she graduates. She has already been published in a book of short stories and poetry.  It’s nice to see her grow.

I will become 50 in a few months and after 7 hard years struggling; I’m finally starting to achieve a sense of peace, through my therapy.

I have been working hard on publishing my book. I nearly was accepted by a publishing company to publish my book but the deal fell through, because of the actions of my then agent. I have chosen now to go independently, though it’s getting my story out there to the masses. I feel it’s a story that needs to be told, to help other women when making this giant leap into a world unknown. We are blessed now that the internet has opened doors for women to access information about Saudi Arabia, compared to when I went there back in 1990.  

But it’s still extremely hard to be a person of two cultures. We seriously need to help others escaping to settle back, but it’s finding  therapy and networking with others that have been through the  experience and trauma and help from people who understand  both cultures, we need to set up workshops  to help women and their children to integrate into society, to learn how to function in a totally different society. Most importantly to heal again and become a functioning well rounded family.

Is there anything you miss about Saudi Arabia?

I miss so much from Saudi.  It is my adopted home and it has been good to me and my children. Unfortunately there were numerous people (not the country) that caused my situation. Like every country in the world there is good and bad. Unfortunately however, in Saudi when the bad happens, women are left to fend alone and in many cases don’t succeed in reaching freedom with their children.

I miss the simple life.

I miss the authenticity of the people there, how expats joined together as extended families. How people always extended their hands to help others.

I miss Al Baik – lol.

I do still consider Saudi my home.

What do you think of all the changes going on here in KSA?

I’m sad I’m not part of the changes happening but feel an extreme sense of pride. When I first arrived in Saudi Arabia back in 1990, we were told that was the year women would drive.  21 years later still women weren’t granted that, but I’m proud the Prince has allowed women the freedoms that are their right.  It’s amazing to see the changes taking place for women, especially as they have been denied those rights for so long. Women are half the population and a society cannot function when only half its population is active.

I do fear however that Saudi will lose its identity.  I learnt moving back to the West that we have no culture, no identity - we all blend in as one.  Saudi is blessed that it still has its culture, its history, and it should hold onto those. It’s a new beginning for Saudi and I hope they handle the changes gradually.

I am hoping my Book – ‘Shifting Sands’ will open the door between East and West, to give women the tools to be prepared if the worse befalls them. Being married to a Saudi has many pitfalls but also many blessings. I feel communication between the two cultures would prevent a lot of situations arising.  But more importantly, I feel women need support and information, so they will never suffer as my children and I did. It’s a scar that will never full erase, so I hope from our trauma and experience it will help some other mother and her children to find freedom.

Freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed.

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You can follow Asima's blog about her memories of her life in Saudi Arabia called "Shifting Sands" by clicking HERE.

Pesticide Deaths in KSA: "It's Allah's Will..."

One day when we left our apartment shortly after to moving to Saudi Arabia, we were engulfed by a thick misty smoke-like fog.  I suddenly couldn't breathe.  I quickly covered my mouth and nose with my scarf.  My husband was furious as he knew all too well what it was.  A resident of the building we lived in had likely called the city or some extermination company to spray for annoying insects and pests. 

On any given day, many parts of the city of Jeddah are consumed with a dense and dangerous haze of insecticides that can send people to the hospital with respiratory problems or worse.  People have reported that some places are fogged with pesticides twice a day (morning and night), others twice a week, and some maybe only twice a year.  

Municipalities in many areas of Saudi Arabia routinely spray insecticides most often without warning.  Entire blocks will suddenly become engulfed in toxic mists of poisonous fumes.  Many people have ended up in the emergency rooms of local hospitals.  A friend of mine recently reported that her entire family fell ill when the Baladiya (municipality) switched from its usual type of insecticide to a different stronger one used to control mosquitoes.  Fortunately the family sought treatment at a hospital emergency room and they are all okay, but others haven't been so lucky.   

Even though there are bans in Saudi Arabia on certain types of pesticides which contain toxic chemicals, in particular aluminum phosphide, products containing it can still be purchased or brought into the country fairly easily.  These particular products are not intended for personal or home use and are frequently sold to untrained civilians who improperly use it inside homes with often times deadly results - and all too often small children are the victims.  

Apparently when humidity or moisture makes contact with aluminum phosphide, a dangerous gas called phosphine is produced.  Symptoms of phosphine poisoning can include difficulty in breathing, dizziness, headache, numbness, lethargy, vomiting, and diarrhea.  Just a few hours of exposure to the toxic gas can result in death within 24 hours.   

I remember reading about the tragic deaths in February 2009 of two young Danish children living in a compound here in Jeddah after inhaling the toxic fumes of an industrial grade pesticide while they slept.  There have been many other similar tragedies.  During a period of about one year and a half between late 2007 to early 2009, more than a dozen deaths occurred in Saudi Arabia, mostly children, from deadly insecticide poisoning.  Two Ethiopian boys died in January 2009.  Two Saudi children in September 2008.  A Filipino woman in October 2007.  An Afghani teenage girl in Jeddah in March 2014.  Three Pakistani children in Madinah in September 2008.  Two Egyptiangirls in August 2007.  An entire Pakistani family of six living in Riyadh died at the hands of their careless upstairs neighbor in July 2007 when he poured toxic pesticide down his drain, poisoning and killing the whole family below.  Countless more have been hospitalized over the years - and it continues to this day.  

The problem of the misuse of aluminum phosphide / phosphine gas is so alarming that a film documentary called “Phosphine” was produced in 2014 with the cooperation of Saudi public health authorities in an attempt to educate the public of the dangers of using this lethal type of toxic substance. I have embedded the film here for you below.  It is in Arabic but with English subtitles. It has been viewed almost 5 million times.  Hopefully it will reach enough people to make a difference so these unnecessary tragedies will be avoided. 

One of the most disturbing themes of the documentary was how the families of the victims were dismissed so easily with the logic that it was God's will that their loved ones died.  This lack of taking responsibility is the prevalent attitude toward death in Saudi Arabia and justifies careless unnecessary deaths when taking small preventative measures would have saved lives.  For example, most people here still do not use seat belts and don't use car seats for babies.  Instead, mamas continue to hold babies in their arms in the front passenger seat and when there is an accident and baby dies because it became a human projectile crashing through the windshield, they say it was God's will.

I realize there are health concerns, what with dengue fever and the Zika virus, and this is why the municipality regularly sprays as a preventative measure, however shouldn’t the public be made aware of what type of chemicals are being used and given proper warnings prior?  Some people have reported their animals dying as a result of spraying.  Simple activities like walking or jogging must be curtailed due to these trucks coming around and spraying.  People can literally taste it in the air!  Some have been suddenly enveloped in the smoky fog while walking to the grocery store.  What are the dangers, the neurological effects, and other health risks after repeated exposure to these chemicals?  Don’t we citizens have a right to know?

 

Read more about this subject:

Two detained over Basateen poisoning

2 Danish kids die in incident at compound

Afghan girl dies in pesticide poisoning; four hospitalized - March 2014

Editorial 2009 - Pesticide Deaths

Insecticide Kills Again 

Silent killer: Saudi YouTube film "Phosphine" gains over 3.5 million views

New Yorker Magazine Article: "Sisters-in-Law "

The following is an article which appears in the latest issue (Jan. 11, 2016) of New Yorker Magazine, written by Katherine Zoepf. 

"Sisters in Law"

Saudi women are beginning to know their rights.

The guardianship system gives a woman a legal status resembling that of a minor. Credit Illustration by Eiko Ojala

In September, 2014, Mohra Ferak, twenty-two years old and in her final year at Dar Al-Hekma University, in the Saudi port city of Jeddah, was asked for advice by a woman who had heard that she was studying law. The woman was the principal of a primary school for girls, and she told Ferak that she had grown frustrated by her inability to help children in her charge who had been raped; over the years, there had been many such cases among her students. Regardless of whether the perpetrator was a relative or the family driver, the victim’s parents invariably declined to press charges. A Saudi family’s honor rests, to a considerable degree, on its ability to protect the virginity of its daughters. Parents, fearing ruined marriage prospects, chose silence, which meant that men who had raped girls as young as eight went unpunished, and might act again. And for some of the girls, the principal added, the secrecy only amplified the trauma. She asked Ferak if there was anything that she, as principal, could do to help them.

“I told her, ‘You can go to court and ask the judge to make the proceedings private and save the girl’s reputation,’ ” Ferak recalled one recent afternoon. We were sitting in a modish Lebanese restaurant near the Jeddah corniche, sharing plates of tricornered spinach pastries and stuffed grape leaves across a black butcher-block table. The call to afternoon prayer had sounded several minutes earlier, and the restaurant, in accordance with law, had locked its doors and dimmed the lights. The “family section”—the secluded area for women that restaurants serving both genders must provide, where female diners who cover their faces can eat comfortably—was quiet. Except for a waiter, we had the place to ourselves. Ferak is slight, with a lilting voice and a round, bespectacled face framed by a tightly wound black shayla. Head scarves, which Saudi women typically wear unfastened, have a way of slipping off, and Ferak fidgeted with hers as she described her conversation with the principal, repeatedly tugging it back down into its proper position.

The principal was amazed to learn that Saudi plaintiffs can request closed court proceedings. She began peppering Ferak with legal questions, many of them about how to advise teachers who were in abusive marriages, or whose ex-husbands wouldn’t allow their children to visit. The principal was in her early fifties, which meant that, as a school administrator, she was among the best-educated Saudi women of her generation. Well into the nineteen-eighties, according to UNESCO, fewer than half of Saudi girls between the ages of six and eleven had received any education outside the home. But, Ferak said, it quickly became clear that the woman knew little about the fundamental principles of Saudi law.

CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE READING

Sexualizing Children in Saudi Society

Jenna Al Shammary (photo credit: Saudi Gazette)

Jenna Al-Shammary,  a young Saudi school girl, excitedly dons bright red lipstick for her singing debut performing a Saudi National Day song in a theater play in the conservative city of Hail, Saudi Arabia.  She normally doesn't wear lipstick, but this is a special occasion and she will be on stage in front of an audience of mature adult grown men, many with young daughters of their own.  Her loosely draped long shiny emerald green satin robe is emblazoned with gold Palm trees and the crossed swords of the Saudi flag.  Her long dark hair flows loosely down to her waist, like many of her young Saudi schoolmates.

She is nervous but confident.  Jenna has practiced singing this song over and over again, but the butterflies in her stomach make her anxious that she will flub up the words of the song.

Eleven year old Jenna nails her performance.

But to her family's horror, within days of her performance, all hell seems to break loose and it's all negatively focused on Jenna.  No mention is made of her voice, her singing, her patriotism, her stage presence.  All attention is placed on her physical appearance.  Social media websites criticize her appearance as "immodest," calling her unimaginable names, faulting her parents for allowing such "indecency." After all, she wore red lipstick on stage and did not cover her hair from the men in the audience.  Such shame!

Really?  Is this what Saudi's culture and religion supports and truly believes?  Sexualizing a child?  Publicly criticizing a child?  Calling a child names that would incite a man to want to commit murder if he ever heard those names spoken about his own mother or sister or daughter?

Leave it to the perverted minds in Saudi Arabia to turn a child's innocent song of pride for her country into a tawdry sexualized scandal.   All these idiotic men could focus on was Jenna's sexuality.  This is the sign of a real sickness in this society.  It is truly perverse and unhealthy.  They see women and children merely as sexual objects.  

There is never a valid reason to attack a child in this manner.  An 11 year old should not be made to feel ashamed about her appearance or be made to feel like she is a sex object for men.  After all, it's not like she was dressed up on stage like Lady Gaga or Madonna or even some contestant on Toddlers and Tiaras.  What she wore and how she presented herself was perfectly acceptable in any normal society in this world.   

What's NOT normal is the sick reaction and criticism from a few twisted deranged men in this audience and the perpetual sexualization of women and children in this society.  THAT's what needs to be criticized, not an innocent 11 year old girl.  

READ MORE:

Saudi Gazette article, "Twitter users slam girl, 11, for ‘immodest’ National Day show"

Humanitarian Relief for Syrian Refugees

PLEASE HELP if you can: Humanitarian Relief for Syrian Refugees

A personal friend of mine here in Jeddah will be taking part in the ongoing humanitarian relief for Syrian Refugees by Rita Zawaideh. She will be joining the Salaam Cultural Museum's Medical Mission taking place September 13-19.   She will leave from Jeddah for Amman on September 12 and needs donations of the items listed below for distribution via SCM to Syrian refugees in Jordan.

Stethoscopes
Otoscope
Ophthalmoscope
Tongue depressors
Blood pressure machine
Blood sugar machine and strips
Non-narcotic medications
Vitamins
Disposable Diapers

In addition, below is the wish list for the Malki/Salaam Children’s Center:
Art Supplies
Easels
Paints
Paper for watercolor
Colored Paper
Music Supplies
Tambourines
Percussion Set
Xylophone
Handbells
Toys
Wooden Blocks
Wooden Puzzles (ages 6-10)
Bubbles
Legos
Play dough
Cutout Stencils


To make donations in Jeddah, please contact Samia Ann El-Moslimany at 055-562-3613 or drop off donations at the Photography by Samia Studio.  CLICK HERE for a map of the drop off location.  

If you cannot donate items or if you live somewhere other than Jeddah, please consider making a monetary donation towards this medical mission or the Malki-SCM Children's Center! CLICK HERE to make a monetary donation.

Thank you for any support your can give!

Jessica Socling's Story

Reprinted from the Saudi Gazette ...

"My ex-husband abducted the children and took them to Saudi Arabia"

My three children, all under the age of eight, were abducted by my Saudi ex-husband on Nov. 24, 2013 and were taken to Saudi Arabia. When I’m asked in America why I married a man from Saudi Arabia, my response is always the same: “You can’t help who you fall in love with.” But my advice to anyone wishing to marry someone from a different country, a different culture, is to really think about how these differences will impact your marriage.

I always tried to look at the positives. Our children had a unique and beautiful opportunity to get the best of both worlds, expand their horizons and be exposed to the rich cultures of their parents’ heritage.

But I never thought about what would happen if our marriage didn’t work out. When you are in love, it’s hard to think: “What will happen to the children if we get divorced?” No one wants to think of divorce.

I became a Muslim in the summer of 2001. I then met and fell in love with a young Saudi student, and we married early in 2002. I thought, as many young women who are in love thought, that we would be able to handle any conflicts together. We discussed the differences in our backgrounds, but I dismissed any idea that I wouldn’t be able to live with him anywhere, as long as we were together.

I thought I was prepared when I moved to Jeddah in the summer of 2003. I was Muslim, it was a Muslim country. I was committed to my husband and to Islam. But the culture shock crept up on me, as I’m sure it has crept up on many. I became increasingly isolated and lonely.  I felt that I was letting down my husband with my unhappiness, and he acted like he agreed.

Our lives progressed and in the summer of 2012, my husband resigned from his job to accept a scholarship for his master’s degree in the US. I was content. I settled into homeschooling our older two sons. Our youngest son, developmentally delayed due to a congenital defect, was getting all the therapy he needed. I was close to my family. My husband was doing well in school. Our children were shining beacons of beautiful, open, friendly Muslims, better dawah (call to Islam) than I could ever give on my own.

But then, late in October of 2012, my world shattered. My husband came to me with an announcement. He had decided to take a second wife. I was shocked and then outraged when he told me the wedding would take place in five days, to a young woman who had become a Muslim only weeks earlier. I begged, pleaded with my husband not to rush into this marriage. We had been married for nearly 10 years and I did not believe I could live in a polygamous marriage.

We ended up separating. Through the pain of the destruction of my marriage, I wanted only what was best for our children. He assured me that he would always take care of them, that he would stay in America with his new American wife.

But things became increasingly strained between us. I felt that he became more controlling, irrational, and erratic as time went by. It was after I didn’t have enough money to buy groceries for our children and I became fearful of his actions towards me that I sought relief through the courts for child support and an official custody agreement.

We shared custody in the US, and negotiated the terms of an Islamic parenting plan, a contract, that scheduled travel to Saudi Arabia during the school holidays. This custody agreement was nearly done by the fall of 2013. He made every indication that he agreed with the arrangements. And then the worst night of my life happened. The children were supposed be dropped off at 7 p.m. on Sunday, Nov. 24, after a regular visit to their father and new stepmother. But he never showed up. I texted, called, desperate to find the boys, with no response. I called hospitals, police, as I was worried about an accident. It was hours later that I found out that my children had left on a Saudi Airlines flight at 5:55 p.m. I literally fell to the floor in fear and grief. My children, who had never spent more than a night away from me, were gone. I had loved them and cared for them before they were even born. I had only ever wanted to do what was right for them. And they were stolen from me.

No one wants to think about divorce, about what will happen if their partner doesn’t honor the mother of his children and doesn’t respect the right of young children to remain with their mother. My children have been kept from me for six months. I have been trying, from the day they were taken, to either get them back, or get to them in Saudi Arabia. My ex-husband has refused mediation attempts. I have been trying to find help in any way possible.

The US government has filed kidnapping charges against my ex-husband and his new wife, who was recently arrested and charged with assisting in the kidnapping while traveling back to the US. Even more recently, I had a meeting with the Saudi Consulate in the US and I’m hoping for the best.

But meanwhile, the children live without their mother. They do not wake up to me making them breakfast. We do not take walks through the yard and learn about the things that live there. We do not sit together and read stories of the Prophets and Islamic poetry. We do not snuggle up at night before bed, reading and talking about our days. My house, once full of love and laughter, is quiet and empty.

Jessica Socling, USA

Note from Susie: 
Unfortunately Jessica's story is not as uncommon as we would like to believe.  I get emails from women all over the world asking for advice because they are in love with Saudi men, and their families are unaccepting or worried about the relationship with a Saudi.  It is important to understand the possibilities of what could happen before you get involved too deeply with a Saudi man. What makes marriage to a Saudi man even more risky is the lack of governmental support if things go sour and the man absconds with the children to his homeland.  The issue of taking a 2nd wife always looms overhead and most often results in the breakup of the first marriage, or at the very least, a very profound adverse effect on it.  Any woman considering marriage to a Saudi man should think long and hard about it first.  Don't be a fool and think that this couldn't happen to you.  I have seen it happen too many times here in Saudi Arabia - and there is absolutely no guarantee that you are immune.

Saudi Royal Family Steps In to Keep Murderer/Rapist Imprisoned

The Saudi royal family has stepped into the middle of a torture/rape/murder case that stunned Saudi Arabia and the world.  Reports abound that royals were "stung" by the outrage sparked by the case when it was reported that a well known Saudi preacher was going to be released after serving only a few months in jail by paying "blood money."  The preacher, Fayhan Al-Ghamdi, had admitted to torturing his own 5-year-old daughter Lama.  The girl was also raped and beaten, eventually succumbing to her injuries after spending 10 months hospitalized in a coma. 

The details of the brutal crime were horrific.  But the possibility of this monster being set free back out on the streets of Saudi Arabia caused an enormous emotional uproar within the country and around the world.  Fortunately members of the Saudi royal family were listening.

While many screamed for the death penalty for Al-Ghamdi, according to Shariah law which governs Saudi Arabia, a man cannot be put to death for killing his children or his wife.  The country's legal system does allow for executing men and women for other crimes, however. 

Human rights activists are not satisfied with the royals jumping in to intervene when a public scandal makes worldwide headlines in a case like this one.  They call for the entire judicial system to be revamped, as it sorely lacks in providing adequate protection for women and children. 

Eman al-Nafjan, known as “Saudi Woman” in the blogging world and a leading women's rights activist who lives in Riyadh said, "This is just an example of the sort of case that happens all the time in Saudi Arabia.  We have no sexual harassment laws, no child abuse laws. Cases are left to the discretion of the police and the judge. If a woman reports a sexual crime they don't investigate it.
They call the religious police and pressure her to drop it."

For more reading on this subject:

Saudi royals act on child rapist

He will stay in prison for a long time...

Reprint From Blue Abaya: Saudi Arabia: Haven for Child Molesters, Wife Beaters and Child Killers?

Perhaps nothing in recent memory has provoked such an outcry of injustice from Saudi Arabia as this story.  I talked about it a little bit in my last post and posted links from SaudiWoman and Omaima, who both wrote about this outrageous and unjust story.  

The following is reprinted from BLUE ABAYA's recent post about Little Lama.  

Maybe you have heard the story of Lama, a five year old girl tortured to death by her own father, a so called religious "sheikh" Fayhan Al Ghamdi. 

She was beaten with electric cables, her back broken and half of her head smashed in. She was raped "everywhere" and her anal canal torn open which the beast also tried to burn closed. She was brought to the hospital where she remained in ICU for 10 months and then died last October.

To make matters worse, this criminal is now going to be let off with just a four months jail sentence and by paying blood money to the victims family. In other words, himself. This could only happen in Saudi-Arabia, where crimes against women and children go mostly unpunished.

Yes there is actually a judge in this day and age who made such a ruling, as ridiculous, horrific and unbelievable this may sound. And this is the image these sick men are giving to the world about Islam. No wonder people think it's an evil religion.
The full story can be read on Saudi Woman's blog: http://saudiwoman.me/2013/01/31/rest-in-peace-lama/
Omaima Al Najjar also wrote about the background of this case: http://omaimanajjar.wordpress.com/2013/01/30/islamic-preacher-getaway-with-a-murder/

I would call Faihan Al Ghamdi an animal, but even animals have more integrity and wouldn't do this to their offspring.

Sick bastards like this exist everywhere in the world but in Saudi-Arabia they can actually get away with their actions. In this so called model state of Islam, men can get away with murdering their children (especially daughters), raping their wives and beating the shit out of their daughters with only minor inconvenience. The courts will always side with the man. After all he is the head of the family and he has the right to treat his "property" as he wishes.

Abuse of women and children are always treated as minor offenses in the Sharia courts. Blood money paid for the heirs of a female victim is half the amount of a male victims. See from the below blood money chart how the life of a woman in Saudi-Arabia is valued always half less that of a male:

• 300,000 riyals if the victim is a Muslim man
• 150,000 riyals if a Muslim woman
• 150,000 riyals if a Christian or Jewish man
• 75,000 riyals if a Christian or Jewish woman
• 6,666 riyals if a man of any other religion
• 3,333 riyals if a woman of any other religion

Truly sickening.

Quran does not mention the amount of money to be paid or any differentiation between the sexes.
"We ordained therein for them: "Life for life, eye for eye, nose or nose, ear for ear, tooth for tooth, and wounds equal for equal." But if any one remits the retaliation by way of charity, it is an act of atonement for himself. And if any fail to judge by (the light of) what Allah hath revealed, they are (No better than) wrong-doers."
This misogynist attitude and rulings come solely from a patriarchal society, not religion, although some of these clerics do try to justify their verdicts based on weak Hadith. Compare this child rapist-killers 4 month sentence to the recent case of the Sri Lankan maid that was executed without fair trial for killing a baby placed in her inexperienced care.

Abusive Saudi men know that they can beat, rape and abuse their women and children without any harsh punishments. Saudi-Arabia's judicial system doesn't help the abused women and always backs up the abusive men. The law serves as a haven for these kind of men.

According to Saudi Woman's article, if the woman reports the abuse to the police, the Hai'a (religious police) and her guardian (her abuser) are called to harass the victim out of reporting it for up to four hours before the social services are called. How many women in that situation are actually strong enough to face these bullies and end up going back home to her abuser?

A while ago I was faced with the difficult situation of my friend here suffering physical abuse from her husband. She's a foreign wife with a Saudi husband. Her husband has abused her for years even before they moved to Saudi-Arabia. They have one child and he had even beaten her while she was pregnant. Now I'm sure that any woman who has been in that situation knows how difficult it is to leave and how there always seems to be a time of calm and the abuse ends. The husband becomes an "angel", only for the abuse to start up again.

Word of warning to any woman outside Saudi-Arabia currently dating, engaged to or married to a Saudi man with an abusive history: DO NOT under ANY circumstances move to Saudi-Arabia with him, EVER. He WILL continue the abuse here. He might tell you he promises to change. He will, but for the WORSE. Even if he promises to go to a psychologist to get treatment, he won't change his ways. Even if he cries, begs you to come, promises you the world..It simply won't work like that. Don't be naive and trust these men. Instead my advice to you is run the other direction and never look back.

If you end up in KSA with him, he will most likely keep you as a prisoner and limit your life and all the contact you have to the outer world. I have personally seen and heard of women like this. He will not give you a phone or maybe even let you use the internet. If he hits you, no one will or can help you. No laws will protect you. Your life will become hell. His family will not help you, they will protect him. I am not exaggerating. Saudi-Arabia is the worst place in the world to be with an abusive, controlling husband, period.

So on to the case of the woman I mentioned. Her husband had beaten her so bad she broke some bones. She didn't have a cell phone because her husband had not given her one, and since they'd recently moved, she didn't even know where she lived. Her only way to contact anyone was through Facebook. The husband had locked her up in a room without windows and left the house with the child. Since she doesn't know anyone in Riyadh, she asked me for help. Together with another friend we were trying to help her to find out where the apartment was located so that we could go and take her to the hospital since she was in severe pain.

We couldn't figure out where she was and since she couldn't even see outside to give some landmarks, she remained in her agony alone in the apartment and there was nothing anyone could do about it. She asked me the number to the police, she wanted to call them from the husbands phone when he came back. In any other country I would've encouraged her to call the police and report him. In Saudi-Arabia however it's not a good idea, especially if you're a foreign woman.

Will the police believe her or the husband? What if he tells them she fell? The woman is not Muslim, most likely they will believe the husband over her. What if she makes the report in any case, who will protect her from the husbands rage afterwards? There are no shelters for her to go to. No relatives to help. Her husband's family would most likely say it's normal and nothing that can be done about it. Us friends could take her in, but would the husband allow that? Of course not, at least not with the child. He might get upset at her making the report and send her back to her home country. He has the power to do so, and to keep their daughter in Saudi-Arabia and the woman would never see her again. If the case ever were to go forward, the judge would just brush it off by saying she deserved it by disobeying the husband and that he had the right to beat her.

So I told my friend, don't call the police. You will just get yourself into more trouble. What I did advise her is to get out of the country with her child and never come back. She's going for vacation to her home country and I sincerely hope she finds the strength to leave him and never returns to Saudi-Arabia.

Back to the story of Lama. There's still a little hope for the verdict to change but her mother is from a very poor family and they haven't been able to get a lawyer yet. There is going to be another hearing this Sunday. Hopefully the family would be able to get a good lawyer for her and they can appeal the sentence to get this monster locked up. He deserves the same fate as he inflicted upon his daughter.

What is important now is to get her story out there. Spread the word, tell the world about this little angel and her monster father and the cowardly misogynist men who stand behind him. The verdict these judges came to is a disgrace and crime toward all children and women in the world.  He deserves the death penalty for his atrocious crime. This man is sick and will most likely commit such horrendous acts again. Help Lama's mother get justice by forwarding her story.

I hope there is a very very special place waiting for Fayhan Al Ghamdi in hell.

 May the little angel rest in peace.    - Layla

People question me all the time about my motives in moving to a place like Saudi Arabia, where women are seen to be second class citizens with no rights.  I usually don't have difficulty explaining that my life is actually pretty good here.  I feel safe - and my husband and I have been together for 35 years, so where else should I live?  But I cannot stand idly by and watch this injustice being done to poor little Lama without voicing my objections and abhorrence for a misogynistic country that would let this type of thing happen to one of its most precious citizens and not punish her abuser, rapist, torturer, and murderer accordingly.   The world should be outraged.  Saudi Arabia should be outraged.

Susie of Arabia

A Whole New Spin on "WALL-MART"

I really try my best to present a balanced view of Saudi Arabia, but there are certain times when some issues just drive me batty.  Gender segregation here is taken to such an extreme here that it tends to create many more problems than those they are trying to resolve - not to mention making Saudi Arabia look like an absurdly backward place where men are not held accountable for their actions, and the blame and punishment is usually aimed at women.  Weddings are segregated affairs, restaurants have separate entrances and dining areas for families and single men, even many private family gatherings I've attended have been segregated.

At a local mall event, notice how the men and women are mostly segregated, left and right.

The latest edict regarding gender segregation comes from the Minister of Labor Adel Faqieh, who has been seen in the past as a rather progressive guy because of his support of women in the workplace.  But now from the Saudi labor department there is a new order that requires the building of 1.6 meter high walls inside businesses to separate working men and women.  Yeah – you heard that right.  Now keep in mind that these working Saudi women are already completely draped in black cloaks, hair completely covered, and many also wear veils over their faces.  

Is this way of dress alone not enough of a barrier?

When I first moved to Saudi Arabia five years ago, there were no women working in sales positions in stores or malls - because they weren't allowed to.  In fact most women in the kingdom were restricted to working in female only educational facilities or in the medical field, where mostly foreign women have been permitted to work as nurses or lab techs side by side with men.   Saudi women in medicine generally are doctors or researchers.

Nowadays Saudi women work in lingerie shops.  Men can only enter these shops when accompanied by female family members.

It was bad enough – and downright creepy - that women here in Saudi Arabia were forced until recently to purchase their undies from men, when the women organized and demanded that women be put in these types of sales positions, including lingerie and cosmetics shops.   Their voices were heard and the King ordered that these salesmen be replaced with women.  It was a huge victory for women in Saudi Arabia.  This eventually led to women being employed in supermarkets, department stores, and women’s clothing shops. 

Saudi female cashiers in the supermarket chain HyperPanda here in Jeddah

Shopping here in Saudi Arabia - at grocery stores, malls, and even small shops - has always been mixed and has never been gender segregated.  As a friend of mine pointed out recently, this "problem" that exists now seems to stem from the fact that women are the ones earning the money instead of just spending it.   It was always okay here when men were the workers and women were the customers, but now that women are working in fields that were formerly dominated by men, the religious bigwigs are suddenly having tizzy fits.  

Why is it okay for this type of gender interaction, but not when the female is the one behind the counter?

In a group discussion about this new development to prevent gender mixing in the workplace, one participant said:  For a country with such high religiosity, it appears that the Saudi adult citizens cannot be trusted to behave with morals and manners in the most basic social and community settings.  I call this a RED FLAG ... Obviously something is desperately wrong. When people are raised with such strict religious laws, norms / values and the government's actions repeatedly imply that Saudi citizens lack basic self-control and are not capable of social interaction with the opposite sex for fear of combustible consensual sexual intercourse, molestation, or rape ... Where else in the world does such a problem exist? Seriously! What is taking place in Saudi society and its institutions that would cause the Saudi government to assume that its citizens' behaviors are so spiritually bankrupt?

Is it better for Saudi women to just beg instead of working a real job?

So exactly what has prompted this move from the Ministry of Labor?  Since women began working in other venues a few short years ago, I would ask - have there been incidents or problems with working women being harassed or complaints about men they work with?  None that I am aware of have been reported in the news, although one article I read vaguely hinted that there have been complaints, but nothing specific.  

Or does it perhaps have to do with the deadly threats from 200 members of the country’s religious police force causing a ruckus in late December 2012, whereby these “Men of God” told the Minister of Labor that if he didn’t do something to stop Saudi women from mixing with men in the workplace that they would pray that Faqieh gets cancer and dies?  Nice, huh?  Especially sweet coming from "Men of God."

 

I think I have a much better and easier solution.  Why not give the men in Saudi Arabia a chance to prove that they can behave themselves around women in the workplace?  And if they can’t manage to do that, then just FIRE THEIR ASSES!!!  

Child molester, torturer and murderer Sheikh Fayhan Al Ghamdi

I'm getting off topic here now, but what I really want to know is:  why aren’t these religious guys (who are so concerned with protecting morality and female virginity) focusing on more important things that pertain to women and children here?  For example, why aren’t they totally unhinged about the recent ruling in the case of the Islamic preacher, Sheikh Fayhan AlGhamdi?  Al Ghamdi brutally raped and tortured his own five year old daughter in December of 2011.  She remained in a coma in the hospital and finally succumbed to her horrendous injuries some 10 months later, in October 2012.  

The judge in the case has recently ruled that the few months Al Ghamdi spent in jail was enough and all he has to do now is pay the family of the victim “blood money.”  Here in Saudi Arabia, the so-called "justice system" in place is along the lines of “an eye for an eye” and provides for financial compensation paid to the heirs of the victim.  In this case, the girl’s family or heirs would include her own father who heinously killed her.  However, the paying of blood money should only apply when the killing was unintentional.  It was obvious that the injuries suffered by this poor girl were not an accident. 

So why isn’t the religious establishment here in Saudi Arabia demanding Al Ghamdi’s head on a platter instead of concerning themselves with such trivial matters as building barriers to separate men and women in the workplace?   I don’t get it.

For more reading on these subjects: 

From Al Arabiya News:  Saudi labor minister faces 'deadly prayers' from angry clerics

From Al Arabiya News:  "Wall-Mart?" Saudi shops to build sex segregation walls

From Sabria S. Jawhar:  A commentary on Saudi society and religious bullies

From Saudi Woman, Eman Al Nafjan:  Rest in peace, Lama

From Omaima Al Najjar:  Islamic preacher gets away with murder