Abaya Fashions in Jeddah

It's been a while since I posted about abaya fashions. When I first moved to KSA (Kingdom of Saudi Arabia) back in 2007, pretty much all that was available was a black heavier polyester blend with the differences being in the subtle embellishments and a slight variety of styles.  I would ask for different colors or prints in lightweight cotton or linen or some type of thinner flowy fabrics - but it just didn't exist.

Beige abaya with red and black leaf lace overlay accents

In the ensuing years, abaya fashion has evolved and has grown to include a much wider variety of styles, colors, and fabrics.  Abayas are definitely not just black any more. 

My two favorite places to purchase abayas in Jeddah are Souk al Shatea and Macarona Souk. They generally have sale racks and the abayas are often more reasonably priced than at the malls, although good deals can be had at malls too.  Al Balad also has many affordable abaya shops, but it can be more of a hassle getting there for me since I live farther north and Al Balad is in the south.  

Gray print abaya with colorful floral fabric trim

Black abaya but with bright colorful trim accents

Souk al Shatea not only offers a huge selection of shops that sell affordable abayas, but they also have shops that sell housewares, home decor, clothing, stationary, toys, beauty products, party supplies, tailors, fabrics and notions, etc. 

Navy and white printed abaya in silky fabric

Silky print fabric - I didn't care for the bright colored trim on the cuffs though

Macarona Souk has dozens of shops that sell reasonably priced abayas too, as well as a good selection of excellent tailors if you wish to have a custom made abaya. Surprisingly enough, having an abaya custom made generally costs about the same as buying off the rack. 

Bottom border print fabric

I have seen abayas for as little as 30 SR (about $8 US).  Of course one can spend a small fortune on abayas made of silk with lots of high-end blingy embellishments.  The sale racks in the above photo offer abayas for 100 SR, which is about $26 US.  If they are not on sale, most retail abayas sell for between 200-300 SR ($53 - $80 US). For a garment that is worn every time a woman leaves her home, that's not too bad. 

Black abaya with contrasting baby blue touches

I really enjoy shopping for abayas now.  When it's hotter out, I can wear just a long cooling slip underneath - yes, there is a fabric for undergarments now that is actually cool to the touch. It's nice to have a choice of styles and colors, but I do find that I have 2 or 3 favorite ones which I wear more often.

White fabric blend with green and blue Palestinian style embroidery

Creamy white abaya with print trim

Abayas always come with a matching scarf.  Scarves like the one above, which has matching fabric from the abaya on its ends, tend to weigh it down, pulling and wrapping it tighter around my neck though, which I don't like.

Black abaya with red and blue Palestinian style embroidery details

Belted purple velvet top with black skirt and white floral accents

Hope you enjoy seeing the variety of abayas featured in this post!

Beige abaya with printed trim and fringe on sleeves

White fringed abaya and a green abaya with ruffled sleeves

To see photos of more abayas and how my feelings toward them have evolved, here at a couple of previous posts I wrote on abayas:

The Abaya - Back in Black

Embracing the Abaya

Chess Chump

“In a few days I am going to lose two World Champion titles - one by one. Just because I decided not to go to Saudi Arabia. Not to play by someone's rules, not to wear abaya, not to be accompanied getting outside, and altogether not to feel myself a secondary creature. Exactly one year ago I won these two titles and was about the happiest person in the chess world but this time I feel really bad. I am ready to stand for my principles and skip the event, where in five days I was expected to earn more than I do in a dozen of events combined. All that is annoying, but the most upsetting thing is that almost nobody really cares. That is a really bitter feeling, still not the one to change my opinion and my principles. The same goes for my sister Mariya - and I am really happy that we share this point of view. And yes, for those few who care - we'll be back!”  - Anna Muzychuk

On December 23, 2017, one of the top ranked female chess champions of the world, Anna Muzychuk, made the above post on her Facebook page, and in the process, made headlines around the world. To date, her post has been shared over 76,000 times and has garnered over 21,000 comments - comments lavishing praise on her with words like hero, integrity, courage, inspiration, respect, etc.  

Overwhelmingly the comments have been made largely in support of her decision, while at the same time slamming Saudi Arabia for its oppression against women.  I can’t say for sure, but I am certain almost all of these commenters have never been to Saudi Arabia, just like Anna Muzychuk, and have just based their opinions on what they have been fed by the media.  

Anna Muzychuck in March 2017 in Iran

In all honesty, I had to take a few days to calm myself down before addressing how I felt about Anna and the things she has said.  I realize that Anna is just a young, foolish, and naive 27-year-old who is close-minded, gullible, and inflexible.  She has maligned Saudi Arabia without ever setting foot here. Worse yet, the methods she used to align her base behind her used inaccuracies and fallacies to further promote negativity and perpetuate misconceptions about this country and its people.  The whole thing is extremely Trump-esque – and her panting lapdog fans ate it up like ice cream.

For someone so top-ranked in the cerebral, highly competitive game of chess as she is, Anna betrayed her own intellect by making a really foolish decision this time, both financially and personally.

As the host of the tournament, Saudi Arabia offered up $2million in prize money for the winners.  The prize money alone was more than three and a half times MORE than the previous year’s prize winnings.  She herself claims in her statement that she was passing up an opportunity to win more than she could have won in more than 12 big tournaments. 

So, let’s address these unacceptable issues the principled Anna cited in her post – 

1st:  “Not to play by someone's rules” – Well, sadly, we all must play by someone else’s rules. Anna knows that when playing chess competitively, there are many rules she must abide by, right? There are different laws in different countries and everyone, citizens and visitors alike, is expected to follow them, right? None of us would be surprised to learn that her parents even enforce rules in their home, where Anna still reportedly lives. A rather hypocritical point, considering everywhere one goes, there are rules.

Riyadh Chess Tournament - Photo Credit: Arab News

2^nd: “Not to wear abaya” – The King Salman World Chess Championships 2017 which Anna boycotted was recently held in Riyadh from Dec. 26-30, and photos from the event clearly show the female competitors wearing modest business attire, and scarves were not required.  Technically in Saudi Arabia, as long as a female’s body is covered in loose fitting clothing (hands and face can be exposed), she is actually acceptably attired when out in public in this country.  Most women prefer to wear the abaya so as not to draw attention to themselves – simply because that’s what most other women wear out in public.  I truthfully love wearing the abaya, especially now that there are so many styles, colors, and fabrics to choose from.  It's really a very practical garment, except when it’s hot out. This time of year it’s quite comfortable. 

3^rd: “Not to be accompanied getting outside” – This may have been a “rule” set out by the chess federation themselves, but it is certainly not a requirement for women in Saudi Arabia.  I go out by myself, unaccompanied, all the time.  Most women here do.  Totally false, Anna. 

Saudi women at a mall unaccompanied by a male

4^th: “Not to feel myself a secondary creature” – Anna, you are so far off on this one.  You would have been treated here like a princess.  You would have had the time of your life.  Women in Saudi Arabia are revered and respected, pampered and spoiled. We actually get special treatment.  We don’t feel like secondary creatures at all.  You may see this as being oppressed, but we sure don’t.

And lastly, here’s her hook:  “All that is annoying, but the most upsetting thing is that almost nobody really cares. That is a really bitter feeling, still not the one to change my opinion and my principles.”  This is where she whines and plays the “poor me” pity card and rallies the troops behind her. This HUGE sacrifice she is making - and “NObody cares!  Boo hoo! Feel sorry for me!” When in reality, she’s the one who made up her mind using flawed logic and tunnel vision to forgo a possible cash windfall and to lose out on the opportunity of a lifetime - that most people never get - to visit a wondrous and misunderstood country – all because she has “principles.” Where were her principles when she went to China to compete? Or Iran? Suddenly she has principles and gives a black eye to Saudi Arabia.

Looking over her Facebook page, I noticed another post she had made on November 11^th :

“FIDE has announced World Rapid and Blitz Chess Championships to be organized in the end of this year in Saudi Arabia. First Iran, then Saudi Arabia… wondering where the next Women's big World Championships will be organized. Despite of the record prize fund, I am not going to play in Riyadh what means losing two world champion titles. To risk your life, to wear abaya all the time?? Everything has its limits and headscarves in Iran was more than enough.” - Anna Muzychuk 

I had to laugh out loud when I read this one – risking her life to wear abaya? This is just too absurd for words.  Let’s face it - there is no perfect place in the world.  Certainly not even in Anna’s own native Ukraine. But let’s be clear about one thing – prior to this, Anna has not been a vocal feminist about the mistreatment of women ANYwhere in the world.  So now suddenly she chooses to become a voice to highlight the plight of poor Saudi women.  Yet, in her own country, thousands of Ukrainian women are routinely sold into sex slavery every year to dozens of countries, several of which Anna has had no problem competing in.  Ignorance on her part or just hypocritical?  

  

Me "risking my life," wearing my new abaya in Saudi Arabia

One will always be able to find fault in some way or another with other countries, traditions, and cultures.  But at this truly exciting, momentous, and historic time in Saudi history - when Saudi Arabia is changing rapidly, advancing women in this country, fighting internal corruption, and so on – why spit on the very generous hosts who are taking major steps to improve what she is protesting about in the first place? 

Anna could have come here to Saudi Arabia with an open mind and seen firsthand for herself, before condemning this country based on her limited knowledge of the propaganda that's out there.  She missed a golden opportunity to change her own opinion - and others’ - about a country that always seems to get a bad rap no matter what – a country extremely rich in history and culture and one that I love more and more with every passing year. 

In all my life’s travels, Saudis are among the most hospitable and generous people I have ever known.  I’m sure Anna would have experienced this same hospitality and generosity. Certainly Anna Muzychuk has every right to make this decision for herself, but it’s a shame she made this ill-informed choice - because her “principles” had nothing to do with honesty or sound judgment and everything to do with very limited perspective, prejudice, and ignorance.

More articles on this subject:

World Chess Championship Brings the Best to Saudi Arabia - Arab News

Chess: Lucrative World Speed Events to Open in Saudi Arabia Amid Controversy - Guardian UK

World's Strongest Open Chess Events Start in Riyadh Tomorrow - Saudi Gazette

For more photos of the event:

King Salman World Chess Championships

For tournament results:

World Blitz Championship LIVE 

The Abaya - Back in Black

There has been a lot of discussion lately about what women in Saudi Arabia must wear when they are out in public.  That traditionally black cloak worn over her clothing that hides the female form is called the abaya, and lately there have been heated discussions about whether colored abayas should be permitted or not.  My husband has told me that when he was growing up in Jeddah, women did not wear abayas.  Of course women dressed modestly, but they wore what they wished in terms of colors and styles, and they weren't obligated to wear the uniform of the black abaya.  It wasn't really until about the 1990s when religious police began forcing women to wear the abaya in public.

Beige/Taupe/ Black Abaya with Turquoise Trim

But why black, you may ask?  There is really no reason at all for women to wear black.  Somehow it became the only color worn in Saudi Arabia, although there is certainly no rule, law or regulation about the color being only black.  Some religious authorities have thrown fits these past few years with the introduction of colors and embellishments to satisfy women's preferences and individuality. The opposition claims that embellishments and colors attract attention and are not modest.  I guess black is the only color they consider "modest."   The purpose of the abaya is to dress modestly, obscuring the female curves, loosely covering all but the hands and face.  Whether an abaya is black or not shouldn't really matter.  To be forced to wear black in the brutal heat of Saudi Arabia is inhumane.  And unless the government is going to provide black abayas for all the women in Saudi Arabia to wear, how we choose to express ourselves through our abayas should be up to us.  My personal opinion is that men want women to wear black in Saudi Arabia so they will be less inclined to venture out in the heat.  It is a way for men to maintain control and keep women at home because it's just too darn hot to go outside wearing black.

Black Abaya with Pink Camouflage Sleeves

What really bugs me is that people in KSA try to say that women should wear black abayas because of religious teachings.  No where does Islam say that a woman must wear an abaya, and no where does it say that the abaya must be black.  Islam requires both men and women to dress modestly - that's it.  Another thing that bugs me is that according to Islam, men are supposed to lower their gazes and not look at women. So what does it matter what color I am wearing if men aren't supposed to be looking anyway?  Men need to mind their own business and quit trying to control every aspect of women's lives, down to what color she should wear.  It's ridiculous. 

Black Abaya with White Flowers

A disturbing and discouraging article appeared this past week in the Arab News regarding a campaign which has been started at Dammam University opposing colorful abayas.  The article states that "female students are required to abide by the rule of wearing black as a sign of respect to the educational environment."  As if students wearing colors other than black are disrespectful to teachers and other students and that they cannot learn if they are wearing colors.   What I feel is disrespectful is someone trying to dictate to me what color I should wear.  You can read this enlightening blog post written by SaudiWoman a few years ago explaining "Abaya Regulations" and dress code enforcement at schools in Saudi Arabia.

Brown Abaya

I just love how I am always told that there is no compulsion in Islam, however it seems that not only am I forced to wear the abaya, but now they want to go so far as to limit my color choice to black.   So what is it? Compulsion or not?

Currently there is a "survey" on Arab News asking:  Do you think colorful abayas should be avoided? Yes or No?  The poll is running neck and neck.  Personally I don't like the way the survey is worded - it has a negative connotation, insinuating that color should be something  to "avoided."  

Blue Abaya with African Print Sleeves and Back

Don't men have more important things to do than worry about what colors women are wearing? Women are getting killed in car crashes daily here in Saudi Arabia because we are not allowed to drive.  We are at the mercy of incompetent male drivers who drive recklessly, putting everyone in harm's way.  Why isn't more attention paid to this issue instead of what color I am wearing?

Back View of  the Blue Abaya above

Men in Saudi Arabia are allowed to wear pretty much whatever they want to wear - any color, any style of dress.  I've seen men out in public in KSA in attire that I can only describe as suitable for wearing in the privacy of one's own home.  They literally look as if they just crawled out of bed and went out the door. Nobody ever says a word about this.  Maybe it's time we did - especially since women are getting picked on because we don't all want to look the same wearing boring black every single day, while men are permitted to wear bedclothes out in public. I object!

Beige and Brown Abaya with Gold Embroidery

It's bad enough that we have to wear layers of clothing in the sweltering heat of Saudi Arabia.  I'll be damned if I will be forced to wear only black.  I am happy to see colorful abayas now in the shops, and a wider variety of styles and fabrics to choose from. I actually enjoy abaya shopping now.

Print Top with Black Skirt Abaya

By the way, the abayas featured in this post all belong to me. I made a few of them myself, and some I bought.  I apologize for the bad quality of the images.

An Emerging Mystery

"AN EMERGING MYSTERY" - photo by SEBASTIAN FARMBOROUGH

When I first saw this image of a fully veiled Muslim woman in water, I was blown away by the beauty and sheer simplicity of it. I received permission from photographer Sebastian Farmborough, who took this stunning picture, to publish it on my blog, along with his explanation about the photo's background. Here, in his own words, is Sebastian Farmborough's story behind this photo...

"The image is based on one of my very first experiences in Saudi Arabia: With the naked beaches of Barcelona a not too distant memory... I headed down to the Arabian Gulf for a dip. There, I became mystified by something black and obscure out at sea. It looked like a huge jellyfish. Then, as it approached, I realised that it was in fact a woman.

It was such an intense experience that I just had to capture it for myself. However, it was not until a few years later in Dubai, when I had acquired the equipment and expertise necessary, that I was able to execute it. Anyone trying to take a picture like this in Saudi Arabia would run the risk of ending up in prison, so in the more liberal country of the UAE, I was able to realise it.

It actually took me a year to find the right lady. Yes, there are lots of women with beautiful eyes in the Emirates, but finding an open-minded enough one to do it, now that was a challenge!

The picture itself was taken at dawn on the Burj Al Arab beach. I chose that time, because I wanted extremely soft light to fall on her and the sun to reflect in her eyes. It was winter, so the sea was freezing and we were both deep into it. It was an incredible experience. The model and I had only met a couple of times prior to the shoot so we actually got to know each other as it went on, finishing with a nice hot chocolate on the beach afterwards.

The photo is entitled "An Emerging Mystery" and I feel as though it is extremely symbolic of Muslim women's increasing prominence in the world, despite a continued mystery. The Saudi veil is so often portrayed negatively in the West that I hope to counteract that somewhat and prevent the Western public from being mislead. Many Muslim women actually choose to wear it and I am more than happy to respect that.

The image marks the beginning of a project that I have been wanting to carry out for some time. All we ever hear about Saudi Arabia seems to be negative, where as having lived there for 3 years, I can assure you that the reality is quite different. In fact, there are many things that we westerns could actually learn from them. I really admired and enjoyed the strength of their friendships, the closeness of their families, their sense of humour, and how friendly and generous they are. With this and other images I would like to try and redress the balance a bit and produce a book reflecting the more magical aspects of the kingdom."

Embracing the Abaya

It’s been more than four years now since I moved to Saudi Arabia. I must admit, I’ve never been a big fan of the abaya. My internal body thermostat always runs way too hot to start with, so wearing a black cloak in this brutal heat is like torture to me. In the summertime, there are days when I have taken up to 4 showers!

BEFORE:  Woven Abaya

I’ve decided that another reason I have disliked wearing the abaya is because I just didn’t like my abaya. Since I don’t work, I have only had one abaya at any given time.

When I first arrived, I had a hand-me-down abaya, which quickly started deteriorating after I washed it a few times. A new one that I had bought also wore out, so the past couple of years, I have worn a very thin lightweight woven fabric loose-fitting abaya.

Abayas made out of woven fabric are very hard to find. The most common ones that I have seen in Jeddah are some type of polyester blend, and they range from very thin fabric to quite heavy. There are also abayas made of silk, crepe, stretchy polyester, and many other fabrics. The styles, details, and trims are endless, what with crystals, beads, hand-painting, ribbons, and on and on. And I’m happy to report that colorful abayas, including prints, are becoming more and more common here in Jeddah.

AFTER:  Woven Abaya

The woven abaya that I had been wearing had been purchased on sale at the mall for 99 riyals, which is about $26 US. It was like a big loose tent and the very narrow sleeves only ran from right below my elbows to my wrists. I had cut off these tight fitting sleeves and replaced them with wider sleeves in a black eyelet fabric and also added big pockets of the same fabric. (NOTE: It is also very rare to find abayas with pockets, for some reason.) So I had worn this woven abaya constantly for the past two years. It wasn’t fancy or much to look at, and it was not very flattering as it was so big and loose, but the fabric was much cooler for me than most fabrics out there.

When I returned to Jeddah in January, I decided that I wanted to have abayas that I actually liked, instead of feeling like such a slob in mine.

I refashioned the woven abaya by again replacing the sleeves with new fabric, a thin satiny print.

I also made three large tucks at the shoulders, so that the armpits were no longer at my elbows.

I changed out the pockets with the new satiny fabric too and also added on to the length at the bottom with the same.

I feel like I have a new abaya, and I really like it now.

AFTER: Woven Abaya - Tucks at shoulder, new sleeves, and new pockets




Recycled Abaya - New Sleeves and Gold Trim

I had another abaya that I also refashioned - one that I never really wore because I just didn't like it.

I cut off the lower sleeves and added a turquoise blue Indian print ruffled sleeve.

This fabric came from an old skirt that I never wore but I loved the fabric.

I also added a shiny gold braid trim that looks like it has jewels in it.

I haven’t worn this one yet because it’s a little heavier, but I like it so much better than the way it was.

So this one too was recycled at a cost of just the gold trim, which was very inexpensive.

Recycled Abaya - Close-up of trim and sleeve fabric




Stretchy Purple and Pink Print Abaya

I have also gone out on shopping expeditions for new abayas with friends.

I ended up purchasing two.

This first one is a stretchy knit fabric with a pink and purple print over a black background.

It’s a simple style, but I love the colors and the print.

I have worn this one a lot already!

I paid 170 SR for this one, which is about $45 US.

Close-up of new stretchy Purple and Pink Print Abaya










New Abaya with velvet detail

The other new one that I purchased has panel details in a sheer fabric with a velvet pattern in it over a green satin which shows through.

It has this in the front where the abaya comes together, around the neck, and a wide panel of it all the way down the back.

This abaya has a checked trim added to it for extra pizzazz. I love it!

It’s very comfortable, looks nice, and makes me feel great when I wear it.

I am saving it for more special occasions, even though it’s not really glitzy.

This one cost 275 SR, which is about $73 US.

Close-up of detail on new abaya with sheer velvet fabric and trim







The last abaya I now own was given to me by a friend who was leaving the country. It is a heavier fabric but it is a beautiful shade of periwinkle. Since it was plain, I added a glittery trim down the front and down the sleeves. I haven’t worn it yet, but I just love the color.

Periwinkle Abaya with new trim

So now I suddenly have five abayas! And I like them all. It has helped tremendously with my attitude about the abaya. So even though I still feel hot all the time, at least I feel better about myself wearing them - and like Martha Stewart says, "It's a good thing!"

Cultural Differences

Arguing Over French Law Banning Veils

As France's new law banning face veils went into effect on April 11th, more than twenty veiled women and dozens of others have been arrested in protests at Notre Dame Cathedral against the new ban. Belgium was the first country to pass a similar law last year, but Belgium's ban has gone largely unenforced and unchallenged. Several other European countries are also considering passing laws which ban face veils as well.

In this video, Hebah Ahmed and Mona Eltahawy, both Muslim women, debate France's decision to ban face veils (niqab) in public.


People who go to Saudi Arabia to work or visit have to follow KSA's laws. For example, practising another religion other than Islam is prohibited and proselytizing in KSA is punishable by death. Also, if a man and a woman who are not married to each other are caught alone together, they will likely be sentenced to jailtime and lashings. These are examples of existing laws in KSA, and even though most other countries do not have laws like these, they must be followed or suffer the consequences.

Arab News published this article about how there is mixed reaction among Saudi women about the new French law. It quoted Sarah Kazim, a 30-year-old housewife, expressing her feeling that people everywhere should respect the laws of each individual country. “If women are made to dress a different way and wear their hijab in Saudi Arabia and we respect it, then we should respect the laws of the French constitution. Why treat them differently when we have laws that are most distinct to any other country?”

While I believe in freedom and choice, I am leaning toward agreeing with Sarah Kazim. Since I moved to Saudi Arabia in 2007, every time I step out the door, I must wear a black cloak (abaya) because, as my husband says, "It's the law of the land." He also insists that I cover my hair for the same reason, although in Jeddah, one can see some women without head coverings (hijab), especially at the malls. However the vast majority of women in Saudi Arabia not only cover their hair, but they wear the face veils (niqab) as well. Saudi women supposedly wear all of this garb because it is "their choice." This is not a religious requirement, nor is it a law. It is a cultural thing, although the women's dress code is enforced by the religious police who have been known to whack women on the ankles with a stick if too much ankle skin is showing.

All I know is that I feel I am forced to wear the abaya and the hijab when I'm in Saudi Arabia - because it would not be my choice to dress like that. And I doubt if I am the only woman in KSA who feels that it is not my choice.

Other related posts:
Voice Behind the Veil... (Sept. 22, 2010)
The Veil and the Hijab (July 9, 2010)
Hair Do or Hair Don't? (Feb. 7, 2009)

Trust in Business

The other evening, my husband and I went out just to walk around at a small local mall here in Jeddah. I like to look at the traditional long dresses that many women wear here, so we went into one of the small dress shops in the mall so I could take a look. Many of the traditional dresses are embroidered, or embellished with beading.

I found three that I liked - and you've heard me complain about this before - but generally there are no dressing rooms here for women to try on clothing.

I've been given many excuses for why there are no dressing rooms for women in clothing shops here in this country, ranging from the problem with women shoplifting clothing by just putting it on underneath their big black abayas, to the potential problem of men sales clerks molesting women who are undressed in the dressing rooms. FYI - there ARE no women sales clerks allowed in Saudi Arabia - don't get me started! Suffice it to say that this country is big on "prevention" when it comes to the matter of women and sex, no matter how remote the possibility of whatever it is that might occur.

Anyway, back to my story... I guess business was rather slow that night, so I figure that this shopkeeper was anxious to make a sale.

What he did next almost floored me.

He took the three dresses off the hangers, folded them nicely and put them in a bag for me. In Arabic he told my husband, "Take the dresses home and let your wife try them on. Keep what she likes and bring back what she doesn't want. Then you just pay me for what you keep."

He took no money.
He didn't ask for my husband's name or phone number.
He didn't make a note of the merchandise that we walked out of the store with.
He didn't request that we bring the money or the items back by any particular date.

I'm still shocked.

Would a scenario like this ever happen where YOU live?

(NOTE: The dresses shown in this post are from Artizara.com)

Burka Woman!

Thanks to SaudiWoman for posting this first... it's hilarious! Enjoy!

Burqa Barbie: News Anchor

Thank you, Elisabeth, for this link from TIME Videos.

Family Picture

On Being Normal

S ince I moved here to Saudi Arabia from America in October 2007, my life has changed dramatically. There are so many things about day to day life that just don't seem normal to me any more. What is normal? Normal is what you are used to, what feels natural and looks right, the constants in life.


The lack of social interaction between men and women is one of the hardest things for me to get used to. When we go to the market and I say thank you or hello to the salesclerk or even just nod my head with a smile, my husband always tells me that I am not obliged to speak to them. Now, he's not demanding that I not to speak to them, just reminding me that women in this society don't interact that way with men. At many doctor's offices or health clinics, there are even separate waiting rooms for men and women, so no inappropriate behavior will occur. Now, I've been in many doctor's waiting rooms in my lifetime, and I must admit that I have never seen or experienced anything untoward happening in a doctor's waiting room, so I really don't get this separation of the sexes. Anyway, I hate going because I'm stuck sitting there all by myself while at least my son and husband have each other. There are separate women's banks and single men sections at restaurants. Even at many family functions, the men and women sit and eat separately. Sometimes we arrive together, and I'm instantly directed one way while my son and husband go another, and I don't see them for hours until someone comes to tell me that my husband is ready to go. I don't know if I will ever be able to consider this as normal. I haven't been to a mixed wedding here yet - only women have been at the weddings I've attended. And you should see the sexy gowns and the wild make-up and the glitzy shoes worn by all the women attendees - who are all dolled up so other women can see them and they can size each other up.

When I'm in the privacy of my own home, and a workman or my brother-in-law comes over, I am expected to run out of the room so he doesn't see my hair, my legs, or my arms. Unless I'm just out of the shower and standing there dripping with a towel wrapped around me, my mind just doesn't think that way. So I can either stay hidden away in my bedroom, or I can come back out, as long as I have made sure that I have clothing covering every part of me except my hands and face. I've been places where my nieces freak out in such a situation that they grab a pillow to hide their heads or duck for cover under whatever they can find. All because a man enters the room. To me, it's just no big deal for a man to see my hair, but here, freaking out over it is normal.

Not allowing women to drive here is another thing that is just so abnormal to me. I've got forty years of driving experience, an excellent driving record, and I cannot drive in this country. I have to be driven by a man to go anywhere here. I always drove my son to and from school every day, drove myself to work, or to the movies or to the mall, but here I cannot drive. First thing in the morning when my husband drives our son to school, it's a very rare day when I even see another woman walking out on the street or riding in another car. Usually all I ever see are just men everywhere out and about. Makes me feel like an endangered species!

In stores, restaurants, malls, and most other businesses, there are no female employees at all. Well, I take that back - there are some women janitors who clean the ladies restrooms in some of the malls. But there are no women saleclerks, or waitresses, or women chefs, or women store managers. None. And I'm used to stores, elevators and restaurants having piped-in music - but not here. I just can't get beyond the fact that these things strike me as odd. It's not normal to me. But here, it's perfectly normal. Will I ever get used to this kind of normal?

Of course, having to don the long black cloak (called abaya) in this brutal heat feels very abnormal to me too. And making sure not one hair on my head peeks out from under the scarf I have to wrap around my head and neck before I step out the door to go anywhere will never feel normal to me. After all, I didn't move here until I was in my mid-50s, having lived scarfless in the US all my life. I've always liked the look of the colorful scarves I sometimes saw ladies wearing back home, but personally I just always found them stifling, so I never wore them. But here, I have to wear scarves, even though I hate them. Let me think: in my previous life, did I ever wear things that I hated to wear? Well, I can think of two bridesmaids dresses that I wasn't particularly fond of, but those were just a one day deal... so I don't think those should count if they were only a one day deal.

Another thing that strikes me as not normal is how the vast majority of the men always wear white when out in public and most of the women always wear black. It is literally a black and white society. Is there any other society on earth that is so conformist in what its people wear, with so few alternatives, so little room for being different or expressing individuality, and so lacking in color variations? Ok, sure - the abayas come with different fancy trims, and maybe some have pleated sleeves or lace, or other subtle distinctions. But even at that, the fact remains that the abayas are mostly all black. I come from a place where people could basically wear whatever they want, full of colors and choices, and dress suitably for the weather. Of course there are those few who push the envelope on bad taste. But for the most part, people in the West dress responsibly, and while maybe not as modest as the dress here, most people dress decently, comfortably and appropriately. I don't find the abaya or the scarf comfortable to wear, especially in the hot months - which is most of the year here. So I don't think I'll ever feel that dressing this way is normal.

I'm not saying that this country is wrong or bad for these things that I don't consider normal to me. I'm just saying that these things don't feel normal to me because I am used to things being a different way, that's all. What's considered normal here isn't what's normal for me. And it feels weird. These are just some of the things that make me wonder if I will ever consider these things normal. There are some days now when I secretly wish that my husband was from almost any other country in the world besides here - because life here just doesn't feel normal to me. I miss feeling normal...

A Saudi Woman's Voice Is Heard: "I'm Not Oppressed!"

I received a comment on the post I recently wrote entitled "Saudi Arabia Wastes Biggest Untapped Natural Resource: WOMEN." It was written by a modern working Saudi woman. She is a rare breed, since only 300,000 Saudi women actually work in the entire country. When you consider that the whole Saudi population is almost 26 million, she represents only 1% of all Saudis and just 2% of all Saudi women. However, I felt her response should be brought to the forefront, instead of buried deep in the comments section because she made valid points and expressed herself so articulately. I'm sure that many more Saudi women, working or not, agree with her. Her viewpoint may surprise you. I would like to give her the opportunity to let her voice be heard...

I   haven't read all these comments but I do have serious reservations with your post.


"Saudi women are either kept hidden at home or hidden in public beneath loose fitting black cloth, cloaking them from head to toe. They are invisible. They are unapproachable. They are inaccessible. And this is exactly the way the men here want it to be."

I am a woman. I cover. I veil. I have a respectable IT job. I am educated, and while I agree that life would be much better if I were allowed to drive, I fail to see how being beneath loose fitting black cloth can be equated as being invisible, unapproachable, and so on and so forth.

Where I work, we ARE segregated, but I am still one of the most important people in the IT department. I've been given all the facilities required for required communication, so I'm not "cut off" from the good old boys. My dad works at a government hospital. He too has female co-workers, architects and engineers.

It is beyond me why people assume that being "cloaked" is some kind of "oppression." I do it out of choice, not because any "men" wanted me to do it. I do it and I feel liberated, because when I progress, I am respected for my brains and personality. When your women make it to the top, how many of them have to fight the stereotypes that they didn't just make it through by their looks? They still struggle to be respected purely for their SKILLS. Look up the statistics yourself: the good-looking people get more jobs and higher salaries.

But when *I* get something, I get what I deserve. No judgment calls. No men to doubt how I got there.

And while some things in Saudi Arabia are indeed cultural and not Islamic, a lot of the veiling business IS Islamic, and again, that doesn't mean oppression. That Saudi Arabia only just appointed a female is a cultural thing. Otherwise Islam granted women the human rights that any useful citizen deserves. Way back, CENTURIES ago, before your white women could so much as dream of casting votes, Muslim women were running for government positions, and their voices were so powerful they directly influenced state decisions without even being part of it.

*** I must point out that nowadays Saudi women are forbidden from running for or holding any public office, and do not have the right to vote.

And as for why can't Saudi men stop looking at women as sex-objects... while I agree they should get some sense in their perverted heads and stop being the way they are, it's not as if women aren't considered sex objects anyway. Around 70% (if I remember correctly) of rapes in the world don't happen by random strangers - they're usually among people who've already known each other. And... (I think it was) 60% of people in the same office have been involved in extra-marital affairs. Where does this happen? Oh yes, of course - where the workplaces aren't segregated...

And just because a woman cannot be seen in the media doesn't mean she can't do anything worthwhile. I write. And when I do that, my objective is to get my opinions across, to have my ideas heard and valued. My objective is not that you see how I look while I do it. I'm not in the least hindered by a cloak, or by segregation. In fact - actual statistics again - girls who grow up in single-sex colleges are known to be more successful and more confident than girls who study at co-ed institutions.

Women being unseen, protected, loved and respected for their true selves, is not oppression. Women being judged everywhere they go, sized up and down and checked out and treated as objects, plastered on billboards for as long as they're young and beautiful and then forgotten like trash, being judged for superficial factors that don't even last and only respected by a very select few people for what they REALLY are, THAT is oppression of the worst kind.

If you want to talk about certain other legal rights in this country, like female business ownership... yeah, that might be a REAL issue you could cover.

*** Again I refer you to a recent article in the Arab News pertaining to the frustrating status of women business owners in Saudi Arabia.

I want to thank this working Saudi woman for speaking out and explaining her points of view on some issues that many Westerners perceive differently. While not all Saudi women may agree with her and may indeed feel oppressed, we must understand both sides of the coin and realize that not all issues here are clearly black or white.