Pakistan: Three Women Dead at Hands of Family

My last post relayed the true story of a young pregnant Pakistani woman who was stoned to death a few days ago by her own family members because she married a man of her own choosing and not the cousin that her family had picked out for her.

In light of new information that has surfaced regarding the man she married, I thought an update was in order. 

I, for one, was feeling sympathetic for the 45 year-old widower, Mohammad Iqbal, that 25 year-old Farzana Parveen Iqbal had married.  He had been widowed a few years ago and left with five children to raise, and now with Farzana's death, he became a widower yet again. 

The murdered Farzana Parveen Iqbal

But any sympathy I may have had for this man has been erased since I learned that he himself strangled his first wife to death six years ago because he was in love with Farzana and wanted to marry her.  Basically he himself got away with murder.  In Pakistan, as in several other countries, blood money can be paid or forgiveness can be given by immediate family members of the victim in order to absolve the murderer/killer of guilt.

Initially Iqbal was arrested in 2009 for the murder of his wife, however the charges were dropped when one of his sons forgave him.  What I don't understand is that Iqbal is Muslim, and Islam allows men to marry up to four women at any one time.  Why on earth did he opt to murder the mother of his five children when he legally could have taken on another wife?  Or why didn't he just divorce her?  What kind of Muslim does what he did?  I am sickened by this turn of events.

So far, only Farzana's father has been arrested in her death.  All the other participants in her stoning - about 20 men - have disappeared.

In another cruel twist to this story, Farzana becomes the second daughter in her family to have been murdered by her male relatives in an "honor killing."  Four years ago her sister Rehana was poisoned by her own family when they became disenchanted with the family she had married into - even though it was an arranged marriage, approved by each family.  Rehana's family demanded that she leave her husband, but she refused, so they killed her.

At least many people in Pakistan are outraged and have protested, calling for reform and justice.  

In this sad tale alone, three women are dead at the hands of their own husbands, fathers, and brothers.  This is utterly barbaric and sick behavior that has no basis in religion whatsoever.  What is wrong with these stupid men that they would rather kill their own daughter than to see her happy in marriage?  Why don't these men value the women of their family?  Women deserve better!   Heaven help us all.

Getting Away with Murder

Farzana Parveen Iqbal was a 25 year old Pakistani woman who was excited about her pregnancy and becoming a mother.  Farzana had chosen to wed a 45 year old widower she had fallen in love with, instead of the cousin her family had selected for her to marry. 

Charges were brought against Farzana’s husband, Mohammad Iqbal, who was accused by her family of kidnapping her and forcing her into marriage.  Farzana was on her way to testify in court that she loved her husband and married him willingly. 

As the couple arrived at the Lahore, Pakistan, courthouse on Tuesday, May 27, a crowd gathered around to watch as the pregnant Farzana was stoned with bricks and clubbed to death by several of her male relatives, including her own father and brothers. She died of severe head injuries.

Mohammad Iqbal, right, husband of Farzana Parveen, 25, sits in an ambulance next to the body of his pregnant wife who was stoned to death by her own family in Lahore, Pakistan.(Photo: K.M. Chaudary, AP)

I’m glad I wasn’t born in a place like Pakistan, where an average of 1000 women are murdered every year at the hands of the men in their families defending their “family honor.”  What is even more appalling is the fact that these killings are tolerated and even dismissed by the courts and government of Pakistan.  If men are arrested and tried for these crimes, even if they are found guilty, punishments are often extremely light or non-existent. 

In fact, the way the Pakistani system is set up with regard to murder or accidental deaths, by law the victim’s family can forgive the killers.  This opens up the world of honor killings to abuse.  “The law allows (the family) to nominate someone to do the murder, then forgive him,” in essence allowing the murderers to get away with murder.  Honor killings usually specifically target women or homosexuals.  The broad and flimsy reasons given to justify honor killings range from imagined or real sexual encounters, rape victims, divorce even if the wife is being abused, refusing arranged marriages, to just merely appearing to enjoy oneself in public. 

A family member of the pregnant woman stoned to death by her family wails over her dead body in an ambulance in Lahore, Pakistan. AP Photo/K.M. Chaudary

What kind of a father kills his own daughter because he feels insulted by her choice of husband?  What kind of father would rather kill his own daughter than see her happily married to a man of her own choosing?  Don’t we all, as parents, really only want our children to be happy?  What is wrong with a society that places “perceived family honor” over the happiness or freedom of a woman to live her own life and make her own choices?  

On a final note, Islam denounces honor killings.  It is a patriarchal and cultural practice with no base in religion. 

Let me say it again:  I AM GLAD I WAS NOT BORN A PAKISTANI WOMAN!

Jessica Socling's Story

Reprinted from the Saudi Gazette ...

"My ex-husband abducted the children and took them to Saudi Arabia"

My three children, all under the age of eight, were abducted by my Saudi ex-husband on Nov. 24, 2013 and were taken to Saudi Arabia. When I’m asked in America why I married a man from Saudi Arabia, my response is always the same: “You can’t help who you fall in love with.” But my advice to anyone wishing to marry someone from a different country, a different culture, is to really think about how these differences will impact your marriage.

I always tried to look at the positives. Our children had a unique and beautiful opportunity to get the best of both worlds, expand their horizons and be exposed to the rich cultures of their parents’ heritage.

But I never thought about what would happen if our marriage didn’t work out. When you are in love, it’s hard to think: “What will happen to the children if we get divorced?” No one wants to think of divorce.

I became a Muslim in the summer of 2001. I then met and fell in love with a young Saudi student, and we married early in 2002. I thought, as many young women who are in love thought, that we would be able to handle any conflicts together. We discussed the differences in our backgrounds, but I dismissed any idea that I wouldn’t be able to live with him anywhere, as long as we were together.

I thought I was prepared when I moved to Jeddah in the summer of 2003. I was Muslim, it was a Muslim country. I was committed to my husband and to Islam. But the culture shock crept up on me, as I’m sure it has crept up on many. I became increasingly isolated and lonely.  I felt that I was letting down my husband with my unhappiness, and he acted like he agreed.

Our lives progressed and in the summer of 2012, my husband resigned from his job to accept a scholarship for his master’s degree in the US. I was content. I settled into homeschooling our older two sons. Our youngest son, developmentally delayed due to a congenital defect, was getting all the therapy he needed. I was close to my family. My husband was doing well in school. Our children were shining beacons of beautiful, open, friendly Muslims, better dawah (call to Islam) than I could ever give on my own.

But then, late in October of 2012, my world shattered. My husband came to me with an announcement. He had decided to take a second wife. I was shocked and then outraged when he told me the wedding would take place in five days, to a young woman who had become a Muslim only weeks earlier. I begged, pleaded with my husband not to rush into this marriage. We had been married for nearly 10 years and I did not believe I could live in a polygamous marriage.

We ended up separating. Through the pain of the destruction of my marriage, I wanted only what was best for our children. He assured me that he would always take care of them, that he would stay in America with his new American wife.

But things became increasingly strained between us. I felt that he became more controlling, irrational, and erratic as time went by. It was after I didn’t have enough money to buy groceries for our children and I became fearful of his actions towards me that I sought relief through the courts for child support and an official custody agreement.

We shared custody in the US, and negotiated the terms of an Islamic parenting plan, a contract, that scheduled travel to Saudi Arabia during the school holidays. This custody agreement was nearly done by the fall of 2013. He made every indication that he agreed with the arrangements. And then the worst night of my life happened. The children were supposed be dropped off at 7 p.m. on Sunday, Nov. 24, after a regular visit to their father and new stepmother. But he never showed up. I texted, called, desperate to find the boys, with no response. I called hospitals, police, as I was worried about an accident. It was hours later that I found out that my children had left on a Saudi Airlines flight at 5:55 p.m. I literally fell to the floor in fear and grief. My children, who had never spent more than a night away from me, were gone. I had loved them and cared for them before they were even born. I had only ever wanted to do what was right for them. And they were stolen from me.

No one wants to think about divorce, about what will happen if their partner doesn’t honor the mother of his children and doesn’t respect the right of young children to remain with their mother. My children have been kept from me for six months. I have been trying, from the day they were taken, to either get them back, or get to them in Saudi Arabia. My ex-husband has refused mediation attempts. I have been trying to find help in any way possible.

The US government has filed kidnapping charges against my ex-husband and his new wife, who was recently arrested and charged with assisting in the kidnapping while traveling back to the US. Even more recently, I had a meeting with the Saudi Consulate in the US and I’m hoping for the best.

But meanwhile, the children live without their mother. They do not wake up to me making them breakfast. We do not take walks through the yard and learn about the things that live there. We do not sit together and read stories of the Prophets and Islamic poetry. We do not snuggle up at night before bed, reading and talking about our days. My house, once full of love and laughter, is quiet and empty.

Jessica Socling, USA

Note from Susie: 
Unfortunately Jessica's story is not as uncommon as we would like to believe.  I get emails from women all over the world asking for advice because they are in love with Saudi men, and their families are unaccepting or worried about the relationship with a Saudi.  It is important to understand the possibilities of what could happen before you get involved too deeply with a Saudi man. What makes marriage to a Saudi man even more risky is the lack of governmental support if things go sour and the man absconds with the children to his homeland.  The issue of taking a 2nd wife always looms overhead and most often results in the breakup of the first marriage, or at the very least, a very profound adverse effect on it.  Any woman considering marriage to a Saudi man should think long and hard about it first.  Don't be a fool and think that this couldn't happen to you.  I have seen it happen too many times here in Saudi Arabia - and there is absolutely no guarantee that you are immune.

Souvenirs from Saudi Arabia

Every time I travel back to the states from Saudi Arabia, I try to take souvenirs with me to give to family and friends.  I have taken dozens of "niqabs" (face veils) for my girlfriends, the red and white checked scarves that Saudi men wear here called "shemagh," prayer beads, and a variety of colorful prayer rugs.

I've also purchased oud (strongly scented oils used as perfumes) and these little scented cubes that are nice to put in bathrooms or in drawers. Surprisingly I was able to find Christmas ornaments last year that were painted carved wooden camels.

It's not that easy to find souvenirs here in Saudi Arabia like it is in other places around the world that cater to tourists.  And that could be because Saudi Arabia only really allows religious tourism.

I like to try to find items that have Arabic writing on them or images that are typically Arab, but like I said, it's not that easy.  Even finding T-shirts related to Saudi Arabia is difficult.  I also like to try to find things that are useful and not just dust collectors, and since I am always on a budget, I try to find reasonably priced items as well.

Here are some of the souvenirs that I have found here in Saudi Arabia ...

More expensive than most gifts that I usually purchase, this beautiful decoupaged wooden keepsake box with a map of Saudi Arabia on it was filled with a variety of high end dates.

Miniature Yemeni homes made of clay.

Playing cards with the Kings and Jacks wearing Middle Eastern headgear, and the Queens wearing face veils. 

Henna design templates.

Keychains

Gold coin face veils generally worn by brides or for special occasions.

Starbucks coffee mugs

Purses with Arabic calligraphy - I asked my husband if it said anything in particular, to which he jokingly replied, "It says that whoever buys this purse is an idiot."

Cheenko - popular old time serving pieces

Polo shirts by Kalimah Brand.  They also have an interesting variety of Arab themed T-shirts

Kalimah Brand ladies long sleeved T-shirt with the shemagh (red and white checked) design incorporated into it

Scarves with Arabic designs and letters by Kalimah Brand

Teapots and housegoods

Decorative inlaid teapot

Teapot

Fabrics with metal embellishments

Arab salt and pepper shakers - also comes as piggy banks

Refrigerator magnet

Refrigerator magnet

Refrigerator Magnet

Notepad / Shopping list

Hoppy Easter!

Calling All Students! Education Fair (IECHE) in Riyadh April 15-18

In mid-April, representatives from nearly 500 institutions of higher learning from around the world will converge in Riyadh for the annual International Exhibition & Conference on Higher Education  (IECHE).  

Almost 40 countries will promote their schools and disseminate useful information in the hopes of attracting Saudi students to their campuses.  

The exhibition is extremely well organized and quite impressive to behold.   More than 50 schools from Saudi Arabia are represented at the event as well.   

The four day conference will feature a large variety of workshops and speakers, covering all areas related to attaining advanced degrees, scholarship information, fields of study, requirements, etc., as well as having staff on hand to answer questions and solve issues.  

There is news coverage of the event and everyone is welcome to attend.  In addition to all kinds of available information, there are also goody bags and freebies for attendees.

High school students and college students pursuing advanced degrees can benefit greatly from attending this event.

For gathering information about higher education schooling, you won’t want to miss this spectacular event to be held April 15-18, 2014, in Riyadh.  For further information about the 2014 IECHE conference, CLICK HERE.

 

Al-Hijaz Mall Re-launches With a Whole New Look

 From the Omar Abubakr Balubaid Group

Jeddah:  Al-Hijaz Mall recently re-launched its new updated appearance, including major structural renovations.  The opening ceremony was attended by families, businesswomen, and visitors, and guests, including representatives from Al-Fasailya Womens Welfare Society. 

 Mr. Abdulla Jabran Al-Ghamdi, Mall Development Manager of the Omar Abubakr Balubaid Group, said, "Al-Hijaz Mall is one of the oldest shopping malls in Jeddah, as well as one of the busiest places for shoppers looking for designers and name brands in jewelry, fashion, and textiles.   The second phase of the renovations will include the development of a food court, a play land, and a bazaar area. We extend our appreciation to Al-Fasailya Womens Welfare Society for participating and assisting with our ceremony and their efforts to make this event successful."  

Al-Hijaz Mall, formerly known as Souk Alhijaz, is located in Jeddah's Al-Bawadi District.  The mall consists of two buildings connected by a bridge and it houses about 150 stores.  The mall sponsors campaigns, festivals and annual events, such as Spring Holiday, Back to School, Ramadan, Summer Festival, and more.  Al-Hijaz Mall would like to welcome all shoppers to come and enjoy its new clean and modern look.