Here - Drink This!

Warning: Please go to the bathroom to relieve yourself BEFORE reading this post. I don't want to be responsible for you wetting yourself... don't say I didn't warn you.

Just when you thought some things couldn't get any more bizarre in this part of the world than they already are, a learned Saudi cleric, Sheikh Abdul Mohsen Al-Obeikan, is doing some quick backpedaling after publicly supporting a fatwa (religious ruling) which basically says that it's okay for working women to breastfeed male co-workers, as this would be a legitimate way of getting around gender segregation in the workplace here in Saudi Arabia.

Three years ago, an Egyptian sheikh caused quite an international ruckus when he was asked in a televised interview about whether it was acceptable for an adult male to drink the milk from a lactating female co-worker in order to establish a maternal bond of sorts, thereby precluding the strict gender segregation rule in the workplace. As if the question itself wasn't bizarre enough, the fact that he answered a resounding "YES!" was enough to provoke widespread shock and disbelief, as well as plenty of head shaking and hair pulling.

According to Islam, if a nursing mother breastfeeds an infant who is not her own on five separate occasions, a legally recognized familial bond is established between the two of them, plus the nursing donor's immediate family. This means that if the child is a male, when he grows up, the gender segregation issue does not come into play - meaning that the woman and her daughters would not have to cover up around him and they can socialize together. Apparently this is done frequently in Saudi families between sisters so that gender segregation won't affect the families getting together once their children are grown, since all the cousins would then be considered "milk siblings." At the same time, it also means that these cousins would not be allowed to marry each other, as is often done within Saudi families. This also implies that there would logically be no chance of any illicit sexual relations between any of them since that would be incest.

This milking bond came into question last year when 75-year-old Syrian widow, Khamisa Mohammed Sawadi, who was living in Saudi Arabia, was arrested and sentenced to 4 months in prison and 40 lashes because two young men (one of them her "milk" son) entered her residence bearing several loaves of bread. The two young men were also arrested and sentenced to about the same punishment as the old woman. The last I read about this case was in December 2009 stating that all appeals were denied for all three and that the sentences stand. I have to admit that at 50-something, it might be hard to believe that the woman actually breastfed her husband's nephew. But why on earth would it be a crime in the first place to be kind and considerate to an elderly woman? Something is seriously wrong for this to be a crime.

Sheikh Al-Obiekan seemed to think that drinking a woman's pumped breastmilk out of a glass and not suckling directly from the woman's breast is a perfectly reasonable and acceptable way to skirt around and avoid the strict religious ban on gender mixing in this society. But in a bizarre twist to this already unbelievable story, another equally intelligent and enlightened religious scholar and voice of reason disagreed with that (don't get too excited just yet!). This other guy said that the milk should be suckled right from the woman's breast! Forget the fact that Islam also says that nursing should be done during the first two years of a child's life and mentions nothing at all about the ridiculous notion of woman nursing a grown man.

I'm just trying to imagine a prim and proper Saudi woman here covered in black from head to toe whipping out her breast - five separate times, mind you - and offering it to an unrelated man just so she can legally work with him! The whole image is just so absurd. I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried. Don’t these religious scholars have more important issues to worry about than to continually fantasize about womens' breasts? And what exactly are they trying to do to Muslim women? And how is the woman's husband supposed to take all of this?

SaudiWoman wrote a great post which documents the Arabic newspaper articles covering this story.

Looking For Her Father

Kimberly B. (pictured at right) is 44 years old and has never met her father. She has never felt the warmth and strength of her father’s arms hugging her. She’s never heard the sound of his voice. She doesn’t even know what her dad looks like, although she must resemble him because she looks nothing at all like her mother’s side of her family. Kimberly has gone through her entire life up to this point wondering and dreaming about her father, longing for a connection. She has scant information about him, but she is hoping it’s enough to help her find the father she has longed to meet all her life.

Abdulrahman Al-Omran (or El-Omran) is from Saudi Arabia. In the mid-1960s, he traveled to the United States to pursue his college education. At the time he was a young man in his mid-20s. Described as tall, dark and handsome, Abdulrahman enrolled at Clark College in Vancouver, Washington. It was here that he met Kimberly’s mom, Diana Divine, a gorgeous 20-year-old part-time model with curly brown hair and brown eyes who was studying business. The attraction was immediate.

Diana quickly became infatuated with Abdulrahman – she loved his brown skin, his easy sense of humor, and the charming way he always teased her. They fell in love. When Diana became pregnant, Abdulrahman wanted to marry her and take his young family back to Saudi Arabia with him, but Diana was afraid of moving there. Kimberly was born in January of 1966. She was adopted at birth by Diana’s sister. Diana thought this would be the best thing for her baby.

Abdulrahman moved away to continue his schooling at UCLA, eventually graduating in 1970 from Santa Clara University in California. Kimberly believes he studied Physics, Math, and Science, and Diana recalls that Abdulrahman told her he wanted to become an engineer for ARAMCO. Diana (pictured left) and Abdulrahman eventually lost touch. She believes that Abdulrahman’s father was in the import-export business and the family was well-to-do. Diana also remembers that Abdulrahman had several brothers, one of whom was named Aziz. Aziz might have been one of Abdulrahman’s roommates in nearby Portland when he attended Clark College.

Kimberly has always had a fascination with Middle Eastern culture, art, customs, and history for as long as she can remember. The only possession and reminder that she has from her father is a prayer rug that he left for her. She longs to know more about her Saudi father and his family and wants her own three children to know about their Saudi ancestry. She has tried for many years to locate him, but to no avail. Her interest in locating him is natural and honorable and would satisfy her lifelong dream of meeting her father. She also feels that knowing her father’s medical history would be useful.

Says Kimberly, “My father probably has a wife and many children. I would just like to meet him and have him meet his grandchildren. I have always wanted to know more about where I come from. I have had an identity crisis being raised in a Western 'Caucasian' family that I don’t always fit into. I was told I look just like him - I do not look like my American family at all. And I sense that I am a lot like him. I naturally relate more to the Arabian side than to my mother’s Irish- English side. I love my family but I feel something is missing that is a big part of who I am. I sometimes feel lost because I was not raised in my real culture. I was told his family is wealthy, but material things do not matter to me. Making a personal connection to him is much more important to me. I am ok with the fact that he may not want to know me or acknowledge me. I would be happy just seeing a picture of him. If we find each other and he doesn’t want to be a part of my life, I am prepared for that. I just have this feeling that he would want me to find him. I can’t explain why I feel drawn to him as though he wants to be found. “

Today Abdulrahman Al-Omran would be about 66-70 years old. He probably lives in Saudi Arabia somewhere. He might spell his last name as El-Omran. It is not known what area of Saudi Arabia he is from. If you have any information about the whereabouts of Abdulrahman Al-Omran, please email me at: susieofarabia@gmail.com

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Many thanks to a reader, who was kind enough to translate this post for the Arabic speaking readers out there.


تبحث عن والدها

كيمبرلي (في الصورة أعلاه) تبلغ من العمر 44 عاماً و التي لم تجتمع قط بوالدها السعودي الجنسية عبدالرحمن العمران. كيمبرلي لم تشعر بالدفء والقوة التي تمنحها إياها معانقة والدها لها. انها لم تسمع صوته بل لا تعرف حتى ماهو شكل والدها ومن يشبه، على الرغم من أنها يجب أن تشبهه لانها تبدو مختلفة تماماً بل على الإطلاق مقارنة بوالدتها وعائلتها التي قامت بتربيتها. قضت كيمبرلي حياتها حتى هذه اللحظة تتساءل وتحلم بوالدها ، والشوق للقاءه يأسرها. لكنها لا تملك معلومات عنه الا القليل و لكنها تأمل انها كافية لمساعدتها في العثور على والدها الذي تتوق لرؤيته طيلة أيام حياتها.

عبد الرحمن عمران (أو العمران) من المملكة العربية السعودية. سافر إلى الولايات المتحدة لمتابعة دراسته الجامعية في منتصف الستينات 1960، في ذلك الوقت كان شاب في منتصف العشرينات. يوصف عبدالرحمن بأنه رجل وسيم طويل القامة ، أسمر البشرة إنضم إلى كلية كلارك Clark College في مدينة فانكوفر بولاية واشنطن. ومن هناك التقى بوالدة كيمبرلي ديانا ديفاين بـشعرها الأجعد البني وعيناها البنية و كانت تعمل كعارضة أزياء لجزء من الوقت و تدرس تجارة في الوقت ذاته كـ طالبة منتظمة بالكلية. عندها كان الإنجذاب بين عبدالرحمن و ديانا مباشراً.

و سرعان ما فتنت ديانا بـ عبد الرحمن فقد احبت بشرته السمراء ، و خفة ظله ، و الطريقة الساحرة التي كان يغازلها بها. و وقعا في الحب ! وعندما إكتشفت ديانا أمر حملها أراد عبد الرحمن أن يتزوجها و يصطحب عائلته الصغيرة مرة أخرى إلى المملكة العربية السعودية، لكن ديانا كانت تخاف من الذهاب إلى هناك. ولدت كيمبرلي في كانون الثاني لعام 1966 وعند ولادتها طلبت أمها من أختها أن تتبناها حين ولادتها لتضمن لها مستقبلاً أفضل.

انتقل عبد الرحمن بعيدا لمواصلة تعليمه في جامعة كاليفورنيا ، وتخرج في نهاية المطاف في عام 1970 من جامعة سانتا كلارا Santa Clara University في كاليفورنيا و تعتقد كيمبرلي انه درس الفيزياء و الرياضيات ، والعلوم. و تتذكر ديانا أن عبد الرحمن قال لها انه يريد ان يصبح مهندسا لشركة أرامكو السعودية. ولكن في نهاية المطاف فقدت ديانا أي وسيلة إتصال بـ عبد الرحمن و ذكرت إنها تعتقد أن والد عبد الرحمن كان يعمل في مجال الأعمال التجارية، الإستيراد و التصدير. ديانا تتذكر أيضا أن عبد الرحمن كان له إخوة عدة ، واحد منهم كان اسمه عزيز أو عبدالعزيز و ربما كان واحدا من شركاءه في السكن في بورتلاند Portland قريباً من كلية كلارك.

كيمبرلي كانت دائما مبهورة بـ ثقافة الشرق الأوسط ، و الفن ، و العادات العربية ، والتاريخ بشكل كبير. الشيء الوحيد الذي تملكه كيمبرلي من والدها للذكرى هي سجادة الصلاة التي تركها لها. و قالت إنها تتوق لمعرفة المزيد عن والدها السعودي وعائلته وتريد أن يعرف أطفالها الثلاثة أصولهم السعودية. و قد حاولت لسنوات عديدة تحديد مكان إقامة والدها ، ولكن دون جدوى. تقول كيمبرلي أنه من المهم تحديد مكانه وهذا شيء طبيعي بل مشرف أيضاً لـ ترضي حلمها مدى الحياة من لقائها بوالدها. وقالت إنها تشعر أيضا أن معرفة تاريخ والدها الطبي سيكون مفيدا لها.

وتقول كيمبرلي "ربما والدي لديه زوجة وربما كثير من الأطفال. أود فقط الاجتماع معه وحمله على لقاء أحفاده. اردت دائما معرفة المزيد عن أصلي. لقد كان لدي أزمة هوية عنيفة حيث نشأت في أسرة أميركية لا تصلح لي. و كانو دائماً يخبرونني أني أشبه أبي لأني لا أبدو كـ عائلتي الأميركية على الإطلاق. و انا اشعر أيضاً بأنني أحمل الكثير من الشبه بأبي. أنا أميل بطبيعة الحال أكثر إلى الجانب العربي من ميلي لجانب أمي الايرلندية الإنجليزية. أنا أحب عائلتي لكني أشعر أن هناك شيء مفقود هو جزء كبير من هويتي. أشعر أحيانا بالضياع لأنني لم أنشأ في ثقافتي الحقيقية (ثقافة والدي). قيل لي أن عائلته ثرية، ولكن الأمور المادية لا تهم بالنسبة لي. إجراء اتصال شخصي بوالدي هو أهم بكثير بالنسبة لي. أنا مدركة للحقيقة أنه قد لا يريد أن يتعرف إلي أو يعترف بي. و سأكون سعيدة لمجرد رؤية صورته. و إذا وجدنا بعضنا البعض ، وإذا كان لا يريد ان يكون جزءا من حياتي ، فأنا على استعداد لذلك. أنا فقط يتملكني شعور انه يريدني أن أعثر عليه. و أنا ليس بمقدوري تفسير شعوري المندفع بأنه يريدني أن أجده."

اليوم من المتوقع أن عبد الرحمن العمران يبلغ من العمر حوالي 66-70 سنة ومن الأرجح أنه يعيش في مكان ما في المملكة العربية السعودية. و من الممكن أن يكون إسم العائلة يكتب على هذا النحو El-omran و ليس لدى كيمبرلي او ديانا معلومات عن مكان معيشته تحديداً.

إذا كان لديكم اي معلومات عن مكان وجود عبد الرحمن العمران ، يرجى الكتابة على العنوان التالي susieofarabia@gmail.com :

Painting the Nursery - Pink or Blue?

Ihad a revealing conversation with my sister-in-law Bee and her daughters the other day that got me to thinking about life, and the ignorant and selfish ways people behave at times. One of Bee's daughters, Emmy, is pregnant with her second child - her firstborn is a son who is now two and a half years old. We were discussing her pregnancy, and one of the girls said that my mother-in-law (and Bee's mother) told her pregnant grand-daughter that she should name the new baby after my husband. The girls all giggled a bit and when I asked what was so funny, I learned that Emmy is expecting a girl - a fact that they are concealing from my MIL because she doesn't seem to care about girl babies.

Bee then proceeded to talk about when she gave birth to her first three children more than 20 years ago - all girls - and how her mother did not help out and rarely came to see her after each of the girls were born. But when Bee finally gave birth to her fourth child - a boy - her mother immediately packed her bags and moved in with Bee and her family for a period of time to graciously help out. The girls don't necessarily feel that their grandmother doesn't love them, just that she seems to favor male offspring over female. Emmy even said that once she gave birth to her son, she felt that her grandmother really changed in her feelings and respect towards her, elevating Emmy quite a few notches in status.


Bee and her daughters seem to think that many other women of grandma's generation think this way. I have heard of women here being divorced, tossed aside or looked down upon because they only produced female offspring. It's an idiotic way of thinking because basically, without getting into an involved debate about genetics, science has proven that the sex of a child is almost always solely determined by the male sperm. And not only that, it is yet again, another example of how women are faulted for everything and anything wrong with many societies, irregardless of facts to the contrary. I admit I was a little surprised to hear all of this since I mistakenly believed that this type of thinking was a thing of the past. I don't recall ever hearing something like this in my own culture. In fact, I remember hearing most often that the parents didn't care what sex the child was, as long as the baby was healthy.


So I was wondering about this cultural phenomenon here and if it exists in other places around the world, especially among older women like my Saudi MIL. I've read that boy babies are preferred in many Asian countries and other places, and that throughout the ages, female infanticide was common - which I don't understand because without girls, there will be no more babies born at all, period. In China alone, its "one child per mother policy" has had disastrous results for baby girls, who have been aborted or abandoned by the hundreds of thousands every year since its inception in 1979. It is estimated that by the year 2020, about 30-40 million young Chinese men will have no women to marry and mate with. What does this mean? It means that already young women in China are being kidnapped and sold as a child-bearing commodity to the highest bidder. This is nothing short of sexual slavery. It is harmful to society and upsetting to nature's delicate balance to deny girls their rightful place in the cycle of life.


Yes, I know that all men, deep down, want a son - some kind of macho thing, I'm sure. Boys can carry on the family name, and there's still those old-fashioned notions about boys that they can take over the family business and can support the family, etc., when in today's world, girls have proven just as capable of doing these things as boys - as long as they are given the opportunities. I also know that there are many mothers and fathers out there who cherish and adore their daughters. But I'm wondering if there is an obvious preference for boy babies in your country or culture?



For more information, please read another blogpost on this same topic on My Reflections and Musings by Jenn.

Cleavage = Earthquakes! Suntans = Jail!

I
try not to talk about religion very much on this blog because it is such a volatile topic that people get really worked up over - and I am clearly no expert in this department. I read and hear so many different and conflicting interpretations all the time, it's difficult to decipher "what is" and "what isn't" when it comes to religion. People believe so many different things and always seem to make it so complicated, when it shouldn't be. And then when I ask questions because I don't understand, some people think I'm being disrespectful - when I really just want answers. So it is with trepidation that I write this post.

Recently, however, there were a few news reports coming out of the Middle East regarding religion that I found were just begging for questions to be asked.

First, one of the most significant stories concerns Sheikh Ahmed Al-Ghamdi (right), the head of the Makkah religious police, who has come out with a few extremely controversial comments regarding traditional Saudi Islamic behavior. The Sheikh is preaching that gender segregation is not supported by Islam and that it represents cultural extremism as it is practiced in Saudi Arabia. The other issues the Sheikh has made waves about recently concern the enforced closings of businesses during prayer times and men praying in the mosques together. Al-Ghamdi says that businesses should not be required to close during each of the five daily prayers. He went further to say that nothing in the religion says that men must pray the daily prayers together in groups at the mosques. I like this guy! I really like him!

At the very least, Sheikh Al-Ghamdi has ruffled the feathers of the religious police in KSA, as he works for them and it is their job to enforce these religious ideals that Al-Ghamdi now claims are unnecessary. His liberal statements are totally out of sync with those of the mostly conservative religious scholars in KSA. Other religious clerics have slammed Al-Ghamdi for his heretical remarks and some people have called for his dismissal or even death. It was initially reported that Al-Ghamdi was relieved of his duties, but within a very short time that statement was retracted allegedly due to intervention from someone within the royal family. Al-Ghamdi's fate at this point is not clear. To read more about this controversy, please see Saudi Woman's opinion piece called "The Man of the Hour."

More repercussions have surfaced in the wake of Al-Ghamdi's remarks when a group photo of Saudi women with the King and the Crown Prince of KSA made headlines around the world of late, further fueling the fiery flap on the issue of gender mixing. The profound significance of this photo is that it seems to indicate that on the highest level here in Saudi Arabia, opinions are changing about men and women socially mixing together. Another kicker is that most of the women in the photo are not wearing the traditional face veil (called niqaab) that a large percentage of Saudi women always wear when out in public. Indeed religious police in KSA have scolded many women for not having their faces covered.

But then, on the other side of this gender mixing tug-of-war, in this article in Arab News, you have this Saudi religious cleric, Abdul Rahman Al-Barrak (right), urging that "modernists" be ignored. He said that "liberalization of women was one of the major outcomes of the enemies’ plots" and decries gender mixing as "keys for evil."

Another news making story came out of Iran when a religious cleric there blamed earthquakes on women who did not dress modestly. Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi was quoted as saying, “Many women who do not dress modestly ... lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which consequently increases earthquakes.” You know, I was okay with what he said until those last four words...


I have a feeling that this guy is just basing his statement on the fact that seismologists have been saying for 20 years that there is a high likelihood that Tehran, the country's capital city, will be hit by a major earthquake in the near future. Interestingly enough, Tehran sits amidst dozens of fault lines, yet has not suffered a major earthquake for 180 years. I'll bet that when and if the earthquake happens, Sedighi just can't wait to say, "See? I told you so!" and of course, women will be blamed for the natural disaster!


And now, in expectations of this earthquake blame game, women are already being punished - just in case - in Iran. It has been announced that women sporting suntans will be arrested! Why? Because it violates Islamic values - what?

Do people REALLY believe stuff like scantily dressed women cause earthquakes? Seriously? If you know of any scientific explanation, please fill me in.

Are there other places, outside the Muslim world, where religious police ensure that women are dressed modestly enough and if they're not, they can be sharply hit about the ankles with a stick or suffer other consequences? Or where men are rounded up at prayer time to go pray?

How exactly is a woman with a "healthy glow" violating religious values - especially if it is not known where/how/or with whom she got the suntan in the first place? Do YOU agree that having a suntan is a valid offense that someone should be arrested for?


Do other religions around the world even HAVE religious police that make sure its followers behave "morally" according to the religion?

Should religion be FORCED on people? Are Muslims in KSA "enslaved" by religion? Since there is "no compulsion in Islam," why do people in KSA not have a "choice" of whether they want to be Muslim or not? Why do I always hear and read that there is "no compulsion in Islam," yet clearly here in KSA, that is not the case? And why, too, is it even necessary for there to be religious police here in the first place, especially since there is supposedly "no compulsion in Islam?" What does it say about a religion that needs religious police to enforce its religious doctrines? And isn't that considered "compulsion?"

I've asked a lot of questions here - I invite civilized, respectful discussion, without attacks and insults, please...

If I Could Eat Anything ...

As you know, my husband recently had open heart surgery, and before we left the hospital, the doctor told him that for one month or so, he could eat anything he wants. After that, my husband and I will both go on a heart healthy diet, but for now, the doctor wants him to eat anything he desires, just to build back up his strength. So just imagine if you were given the go ahead to eat whatever you wanted, what would you eat? Well, my list would definitely contain dark chocolate, mashed potatoes, crab, steak, cheesecake, cashews, Crispy Creme Donuts, coconut creme pie, and Cheetos! Hmmm ... seems like an awful lot of those foods start with the letter "C" ... wonder what that means? Anyway, what would you have on your list?

Adnan has always been a healthy eater and doesn't crave sweets the way I do. And since the surgery, he hasn’t had much of an appetite, but the one decadent thing that he requested was a special dish here made with animal fat called “foul wu semn” (beans with animal fat). We enjoy eating the “poor man’s breakfast” here in Saudi Arabia, which consists of a regional bean dish called foul (pronounced fool) and wonderful flatbread which is called tameez. It’s very filling and quite tasty.


Every morning these tiny shops that pretty much only make and sell foul and tameez are bustling with male customers, most of them hard laborers starting their day. Oftentimes there is a crowd five men deep. This breakfast which will easily serve 3-4 people costs a total of 3 riyals, which is about US 75 cents. I had always waited in the car whenever Adnan got this for us for breakfast, but recently I went in to take a look at one of the little shops that sells foul and tameez.


The foul is generally accompanied with extra sauce (similar to salsa) to spice it up to your liking. Other spices are also added. Adnan usually likes to add olive oil as well. The foul is slow cooked in a huge round balloon shaped metal pot which is tilted over a charcoal burner.


Because the opening is so small and the pot is so big, a special spoon with an extremely long handle is required to stir the beans and extract them. The specially melted animal fat (I believe it is from goat) is a rich clear golden yellow color and is added to the foul to enhance the flavor.


Depending on which country the tameez maker is from, the flatbread can vary in size, consistency, and flavor. Most tameez that I have seen is at least the size of a large pizza in diameter.


Some are sprinkled with blackened sesame seeds, some have lines made with a spoked wheel running across them, and others are thicker and almost rubbery, but in a good way.


The tameez is baked in a huge tiled igloo-shaped oven and special long instruments are needed to flip and retrieve the tameez when it’s done. You can also order tameez which is filled with cheese.


Foul and tameez is one of the fabulous ethnic foods available in KSA that I have come to love.

Hospital Visitors

V
isiting the sick is a very important obligation that the Saudi culture follows and it is dictated by Islam. Not only is it good for the sick person in that it lifts his spirits, but it is also a virtuous act which will be rewarded for the Muslim person who visits someone who is sick. There are even guidelines in Islam about not staying too long, about visiting an unrelated person of the opposite sex, and specific prayers (du’a) that are said for the sick individual.

I hadn’t really had much exposure to this aspect of Islam until my husband spent ten days in the hospital recently and had open heart surgery. He had a steady stream of visitors during most of his time in the hospital. Usually family and friends started coming in the early afternoon, and sometimes the last visitor of the day came late, leaving when visiting hours ended at 11pm. I thought it was interesting that during Ramadan, the hospital visiting hours are changed to ending at 3 am (see photo below). I learned that my function was to act as hostess for the visitors, offering them small cups of the traditional Arabic coffee called Gahwa (here’s a simple but delicious recipe for Gahwa), which my sisters-in-law thoughtfully and thankfully brought to me every day in thermal pots, as well as dates or chocolates, which guests brought with them in abundance. The Gahwa is mainly cardamom with very little coffee in it - I still haven’t acquired a taste for it.


I managed not to cry at all the whole time Adnan was in the hospital – I felt that he needed me to be strong and positive, and I was! I have heard many times since moving here that Saudi women have a reputation for being very dramatic and emotional. Now I’m not saying that they are, just that I have heard it often enough. So I thought it was rather amusing when I was saying goodbye to Adnan right before they wheeled him into the operating room that a small group of women employees turned around to watch me, as if to see whether I was going to break down or not.


Adnan initially didn’t want his own mother even knowing about his surgery because she, for one, IS quite emotional, but it reached a point where that was just not practical. So she was finally told that he was having more than just tests and procedures done. She came to the hospital to see him a few days after the operation once he was out of ICU - and she cried the whole time, which I could see was tough for Adnan. But the funny thing is that when she was leaving, she got after me about what I was wearing – one of Adnan’s long loose shapeless thobes with elbow length sleeves and a huge billowing colorful scarf over my head (properly covering my hair) that hung loosely down past my wrists. But when I served coffee, she could see part of my forearms from underneath so she didn’t think I was dressed properly. She thought I should have worn a long sleeved dress, but I told her that I would be way too hot dressed that way and that I was comfortable in what I had on. She knows how I complain about being hot all the time. But she said, “Not hot.” It struck me as funny because here she was crying her eyes out because her son had just had heart surgery, but she was still worried that a man might have seen my sexy middle-aged forearms! I know she means well and it is actually a compliment that she cares. She is just from a different time and a different place…


The third day Adnan spent in the hospital, which was also the day before his surgery, was a Friday – the holy day in Islam when it is customary for men to go to the mosque to attend the Jumu’ah prayers, comparable to Christians attending church services on Sundays. After the prayers ended, men well-wishers dressed in their crisp white thobes and flowing headgear began appearing bearing huge floral arrangements (one was almost as tall as me!), plants, chocolates, or cologne and I finally abandoned my hostessing duties because there must have been 12-15 men in the room all at once. Many of them I had never seen before even though some were my husband's cousins - but because of the way the society restricts interaction between unrelated men and women, I had never had any opportunity to meet most of them before. I went out for a walk down in the beautiful park adjacent to the hospital, but it was a bit warm, so I wandered around the hospital for a bit before returning to the room.


Each day, except for the three days Adnan spent in ICU where limited visiting hours were strictly enforced, visiting guests streamed in and out of the room, some calling before coming, others showing up unannounced. When a couple of his previously-unknown-to-me cousins came calling, they were SOOOO incredibly handsome that I almost spilled the coffee on them! And after almost every visitor left, Adnan would tell me that the friend or family member who just left had offered to foot the entire hospital bill, and he would remark, “This system is so much better than insurance.” All in all, the total bill for everything came to about $18,500 US – for an angiogram, triple bypass open heart surgery, ten days in the hospital including three days in ICU, our meals, doctors’ charges, medications, etc. I have no idea what the same might cost in the States, but I’m pretty sure it would be considerably more.

Adnan continues to improve a little bit every day. He’s still in some pain, has good days and bad days, and is a tad impatient to feel better sooner, but overall he’s doing very well. The doctors are pleased with his progress and the long incision down his chest looks good. We still have a way to go, and both Adnan and I are looking ahead to the day when this will all be behind us. Many Thanks to all of you who sent your well wishes and prayers – I could see that Adnan was quite touched as I read them to him. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

Triple Bypass

When I wrote my last post about the doctor who made a tasteless joke about my husband taking a second wife in my presence, little did I know what would happen in our lives in the coming days. When Adnan complained to me that he had been having difficulty breathing at the slightest physical exertion, like climbing a flight of stairs, I insisted that he go in to a doctor to have it checked out. The news wasn’t good. We got two opinions, both of whom recommended an angiogram. This came as quite a surprise to both my husband and me - Adnan has always been very health conscious about eating and isn't overweight.

Adnan applied for approval to have the procedure done at a government hospital, where it would have been done for free. We personally don’t have health insurance here (like many people here), but there are government hospitals that offer free quality care as well as private pay hospitals. But after about a week, Adnan finally decided to go in and paid to see a heart specialist, who was so concerned at what he saw that he insisted that Adnan be at the hospital the following morning for an angiogram and a likely angioplasty.

The doctor wanted to put in 4 stents, however the blockages were so extensive that he was unable to complete the procedure and couldn’t even put in the first stent in the largest vein. Adnan was kept in the hospital for observation until open heart surgery – a triple bypass - could be performed a few days later. The operation was successful.

I spent the entire ten days at the hospital in his room on the surgical floor, even while he spent three days down in ICU after his operation. If it hadn’t been for the circumstances, I would have felt like we were staying in a lovely hotel. I have never felt more comfortable in a hospital before, but of course, I wasn’t a patient either. There was a small fold out couch that opened up into a very comfortable single bed that I slept on. As my husband’s guest, I was also provided with three nourishing and delicious meals a day.

The room we stayed in is called an Executive Suite. It’s made to accommodate two patients, but there was just one hospital bed and where the second patient bed would have been was a large comfortable sitting area. When you first enter the room, there was also a smaller separate sitting area, where visiting women could sit when there were other men visiting. Our son was also able to stay with us for part of the time, although it wasn’t really that comfortable to sleep in either of the sitting areas, unless you were maybe the size of a little person like in the Wizard of Oz. There were two large windows that looked out over a beautiful park which many people utilize towards late afternoon.

International Medical Center (IMC), an affiliate of the world renowned Cleveland Clinic, was many years in the making from the idea for its original conception back in 1993, through its design and construction until its opening in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia, in late 2005. IMC is a gorgeous 300-bed facility, utilizing different shades of marble in its main lobby and other common areas and highlights distinct Middle Eastern and Islamic design elements throughout the entire building, inside and out. The building was designed by famed local architect Dr. Sami Angawi, one of the most well known Islamic architects in the region and whose unique modern but traditional home I have had the pleasure of visiting.

There was a beautifully landscaped inner courtyard, as well as an enormous park adjacent to the facility, where people by the dozens gathered at dusk to just sit and enjoy the spring air or to walk the track around its perimeter. At one end of the park was a field of palm trees with paths and benches interspersed among the trees, and at the other end was a large open grassy area where children played or families picnicked. It was a wonderful layout and we had a fantastic view of it from our fifth floor room. It was really nice to see so many people enjoying the outdoors here because in the part of Jeddah where we live, there’s nothing like it and I just don’t get to see people outside at leisure that much.

My husband’s doctors were top notch and professional and were from Saudi Arabia and the Sudan – I had complete faith in their expertise and recommendations, and I knew Adnan was in the best and most capable hands. The staff, comprised of about 80% Filipino and the rest mostly from Middle Eastern countries, was amazingly helpful and genuinely concerned in making our stay there as pleasant and comfortable as possible - from the nurses to the kitchen staff to the cleaning crew to the guards.

I got the feeling that my husband and I were somewhat of a unique and curious attraction during our stay, since I was not Saudi; but I cannot say enough nice things about the hospital and its wonderful staff for making our entire experience while we were there a pleasant one. I am truly grateful for their kindness and professionalism in creating such a nurturing environment for its patients.

Adnan and I have been home now for three days and already I can see a little progress and less pain for him every day. He's also starting to get back his sense of humor a bit too, which is a great sign. I hope to share more about some of my particular experiences, impressions and adventures I had at IMC – so stay tuned.