Blogging Community in Mourning

Carol Fleming Al-Ajroush died yesterday, May 27, 2013, at the age of 53 after a valiant and hard fought five-year long battle with breast cancer.  Carol was known in cyber space as "American Bedu," the name of her popular and widely read blog pertaining to Saudi Arabia.

Even though we never actually met face to face, I counted Carol among my friends.  We shared a few bonds that had drawn us together.  We both married Saudi men, we both moved to Saudi Arabia when we were older, and we both wrote blogs about our lives here.  Over the past few years since I moved to KSA in 2007, Carol became my sounding board and confidante.  When I was going through my "disenchantment period" after the "honeymoon phase" of living here had worn off, I would run my ranting blog posts by Carol first before publishing them to get her valued opinion. We would talk on the phone and exchanged countless emails.  She was so much more diplomatic than I tend to be and always had good advice and words of encouragement and support. 

Amidst her life of illness, turmoil and loss during these past five years, Carol always remained upbeat and positive and never wavered in her mission to bridge the gap of understanding between Saudi culture and the West.  It was her fierce dedication to this mission that I believe may have extended her time here on earth, giving her life a sense of purpose and commitment. 

Carol grew up in a small town in Pennsylvania and worked for the CIA as a spy, under the guise of being an American diplomat.  By the time she met and fell in love with Abdullah Al-Ajroush, a Saudi diplomat, while on assignment in Pakistan, both of them were in their 40s and each had a previous marriage under their belts.  Carol and Abdullah had been married for just a few short blissful years when tragedy struck.  In 2008, within just a few months of each other, both Carol and Abdullah were diagnosed with cancer - he with a rare and very aggressive form of leukemia and she with breast cancer, a disease that had already claimed several of her family members.  In 2009 they both traveled to the USA to continue treatment for their diseases.  Unfortunately they had to be separated during this time because of their illnesses and went to different states to receive their course of treatment.

In February 2010, less than a year and a half after his initial diagnosis, Abdullah succumbed to his illness and Carol was heartbroken.  She never returned to Saudi Arabia.  She continued the fight for her life in North Carolina, close to her only child, son Jon and her two grandsons, becoming an outspoken advocate for finding the cure for cancer and sharing with her readers her journey of becoming a "breast cancer warrior wearing her pink full body armor."  She fought valiantly.

I was in awe of her positive and upbeat attitude and amazed at how quickly she answered emails.  Though at times she required help in fulfilling her daily commitment to blogging, Carol posted every day without fail, oftentimes preparing her posts in advance when she knew she would be out of commission from her exhaustive, energy-zapping treatment.  Her topics covered anything and everything having to do with Saudi Arabia and Islam.  Discussions were lively and often heated.

The American Bedu blog even spawned a marriage between two of her readers and commenters. 

Last summer when my own mother passed away, Carol found the strength to comfort me despite her own precarious health and offered me guidance on how to deal with my grief, as she had done with the loss of her husband.

Carol’s funeral arrangments are as follows:  Services will be held Tuesday, May 28, 2013, at James Funeral Home. The viewing will be at 11:00am, followed by the service at 12:00pm. In lieu of flowers, you may send a donation to Carol's favorite charity, The American Cancer Society, to continue the fight against breast cancer.
James Funeral Home - 10520 Arahova Dr., Huntsville, NC 28078 - Phone 704-584-9004

A casual gathering for all family and friends will be held following the memorial hosted by her dear friends, Ray and Robin. All are welcome at the reception after the service at on May 28th at 2pm at 20420 Island Forest Drive - Cornelius, NC 28031.

Carol will sorely be missed in the blogging community, by her family and her countless friends around the world.  I'd like to close this post with Carol's own words, written in an email to me about some life lessons and advice she wanted to impart, some wonderful words of wisdom from one of the most gracious, giving, and generous women I have ever known....

"First, it really is not worth the time and effort to sweat the small stuff....and believe me, it's pretty easy to discern the wheat from the chaff!
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Second, there is nothing more important than dearly loved family and friends.  We love each other warts and all!  (smile) 
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Remember to take the time and let the special people in your life know how much your care.  Make sure they know why they are special to you.  Do something spontaneous for them.  Hug them when they least expect it.  Always let them know how much you love them.
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Don't save words for tomorrow if you can say them today!
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Live each and every day to its fullest and most joyous!"
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Rest in peace, sweet Carol. 
 

Breastfeeding in Saudi Arabia: A Fading Art

I was shocked when I first learned that a large percentage of women in Saudi Arabia do not breastfeed their infants - especially in view of the fact that Islam is very clear in encouraging breastfeeding until a child is two years of age. You might be puzzled like I was at how a country so steeped in culture and traditions like Saudi Arabia could reject this most primal mothering instinct and rebuff the health benefits afforded by this natural and nurturing bodily function related to motherhood.


So what exactly happened in Saudi Arabia to cause this surprising phenomenon? The answer is really very simple - capitalism, propaganda, and greed defeated mother nature. Several decades ago when the big oil boom exploded in KSA in the 1970s, foreign baby formula manufacturers discovered a huge previously untapped marketplace in this desert kingdom. Convincing the powers-that-be of the "redeeming qualities" of breast milk substitution, these purveyors of infant formula launched a relentless brainwashing campaign in Saudi Arabia to convince mothers that their own bodies' milk wasn't adequate for their babies and that processed canned or powdered artificial baby formula was superior. And the women believed them. The result was an unprecedented decline in the percentage of nursing mothers and a frightening increase in the number of infant deaths and children's health problems in the ensuing decades.


Dr. Modia Batterjee and her mother Anne became alarmed at the grim statistics and sprang into action. They opened up the non-profit Al Bidayah Breastfeeding Resource and Women’s Awareness Center in Jeddah - a place which educates, supports, and encourages Saudi women to return to breastfeeding their children. Dr. Batterjee has also recently published a book, A Fading Art: Understanding Breast-Feeding in the Middle East.


Breastfeeding has numerous advantages. Not only is breastfeeding much more economical than buying infant formula, but it is far more healthy for both mother and child. Dr. Batterjee says in her book, "Breastfeeding is critical for child survival, and according to medical research, no better way exists to secure the best start in life... Breastfeeding presents the perfect nourishment for all infants because it contains all the nutrients, antibodies, immune factors, and antioxidants infants require to thrive." Artificial infant formula does not.


A staggering statistic from a 2005 UNICEF report on indicates that a whopping 60% of Muslim children worldwide die before reaching their first birthdays, due to malnutrition and disease. This tragic result is directly related to the decline in mothers who breastfeed their children.


In explaining how she and her daughter came to promote breastfeeding within the Kingdom, Anne wrote in the Beginning of her daughter's book, "In April 1994, an article in the local paper caught my eye. A prominent OB-GYN had written an article about the sad state of affairs of breastfeeding in Saudi Arabia. I was shocked to see that he felt that less than 20 per cent of his patients breastfeed at all, but I knew he was right."


I am proud to say that I myself was quoted in Dr. Batterjee's book as well:

"I personally find it fascinating that it was so easy for Saudi society to jump on the infant formula bandwagon. Sadly, they abandoned the best and most natural form of feeding their babies without even looking back. Every single day I hear the excuse about how slowly things must change here because people need time to get used to the change, for example, the idea of women driving, or of other social reforms. Why is it that infant formula was so readily accepted when there is so much information available about how much better, in so many ways, breastfeeding is for babies and their mothers? I just don't get it! Every single species of mammals on Earth breastfeeds their babies - yet Saudis are so easily convinced that it isn't enough, isn't good enough, and that formula is better? How in the world do they think that civilization ever managed to survive in the thousands of years prior to the introduction of infant formula? It just makes no sense!"

So exactly why were Saudi women so quick to make the switch from feeding their newborns the best possible nourishment of their own milk to the artificial imitation of it? Did Saudi culture and social pressures play a role? Most definitely YES. Could the fact that Saudi hospital policy dictates that all mothers of newborns are not allowed to be released from the hospital after giving birth until the baby is able to drink formula from a bottle have anything to do with it? A resounding YES. Are Saudi women perhaps too pampered, or lazy, or do they view breastfeeding as an inconvenient chore instead of as a loving gift of health and bonding from mother to child? Sadly, maybe some do. Whatever the reasons, one thing is certain: unless Saudi women take this part of motherhood seriously and breastfeeding returns to its rightful place in Saudi Arabia, the disastrous effects will be long-lasting and devastating.


Dr. Batterjee's book, A Fading Art, is available at the Al Bidayah Center in Jeddah, Jarir Bookstore, and also on Amazon.com.


For more information, please see this recent article in the Arab News on The Issue of Breastfeeding, which features Dr. Batterjee and her book and brings the problems facing Saudi Arabia to light because of the decline in breastfeeding.


You can also find out more on the Al Bidayah Center Facebook Group page and the Al Bidayah Breastfeeding Resource and Women's Awareness Center

Carol's Cats

I have written before about my friend and fellow blogger Carol, known as American Bedu. She and her Saudi husband were both diagnosed with cancer and traveled to the USA to receive medical treatment. Carol's beloved husband Abdullah lost his fight with leukemia in February 2010. Carol continues to remain in the states and is still aggressively battling breast cancer.

Carol's blog, American Bedu, is one of the most widely read and helpful sources of information about Saudi Arabia that there is. She is a former US diplomat who has lived and traveled around the world. She has faithfully and tirelessly continued posting during her health crisis and has faced this challenge with grace and dignity.

I know I don't have to tell you how expensive health care is in the USA. Her insurance through her husband's policy was abruptly ended shortly after his death. So on top of her fight for her life, Carol is also facing financial difficulties.

She is a cat lover and terribly misses her two cats, which she was forced to leave behind in Saudi Arabia. Carol is now trying to bring her beloved cats to North Carolina. Can you help by making a donation to help her reach her modest goal? If you can, you will be helping to bring back some much needed comfort and familiarity into the life of my friend whose life has been turned upside down these last few years by the tragedy of illness and the loss of her dear husband.

Please click here to read more about Carol and learn how you can easily make a PayPal donation for her cause.

UPDATE: The goal has been reached and Carol will be reunited with her cats soon!

Hospital Visitors

V
isiting the sick is a very important obligation that the Saudi culture follows and it is dictated by Islam. Not only is it good for the sick person in that it lifts his spirits, but it is also a virtuous act which will be rewarded for the Muslim person who visits someone who is sick. There are even guidelines in Islam about not staying too long, about visiting an unrelated person of the opposite sex, and specific prayers (du’a) that are said for the sick individual.

I hadn’t really had much exposure to this aspect of Islam until my husband spent ten days in the hospital recently and had open heart surgery. He had a steady stream of visitors during most of his time in the hospital. Usually family and friends started coming in the early afternoon, and sometimes the last visitor of the day came late, leaving when visiting hours ended at 11pm. I thought it was interesting that during Ramadan, the hospital visiting hours are changed to ending at 3 am (see photo below). I learned that my function was to act as hostess for the visitors, offering them small cups of the traditional Arabic coffee called Gahwa (here’s a simple but delicious recipe for Gahwa), which my sisters-in-law thoughtfully and thankfully brought to me every day in thermal pots, as well as dates or chocolates, which guests brought with them in abundance. The Gahwa is mainly cardamom with very little coffee in it - I still haven’t acquired a taste for it.


I managed not to cry at all the whole time Adnan was in the hospital – I felt that he needed me to be strong and positive, and I was! I have heard many times since moving here that Saudi women have a reputation for being very dramatic and emotional. Now I’m not saying that they are, just that I have heard it often enough. So I thought it was rather amusing when I was saying goodbye to Adnan right before they wheeled him into the operating room that a small group of women employees turned around to watch me, as if to see whether I was going to break down or not.


Adnan initially didn’t want his own mother even knowing about his surgery because she, for one, IS quite emotional, but it reached a point where that was just not practical. So she was finally told that he was having more than just tests and procedures done. She came to the hospital to see him a few days after the operation once he was out of ICU - and she cried the whole time, which I could see was tough for Adnan. But the funny thing is that when she was leaving, she got after me about what I was wearing – one of Adnan’s long loose shapeless thobes with elbow length sleeves and a huge billowing colorful scarf over my head (properly covering my hair) that hung loosely down past my wrists. But when I served coffee, she could see part of my forearms from underneath so she didn’t think I was dressed properly. She thought I should have worn a long sleeved dress, but I told her that I would be way too hot dressed that way and that I was comfortable in what I had on. She knows how I complain about being hot all the time. But she said, “Not hot.” It struck me as funny because here she was crying her eyes out because her son had just had heart surgery, but she was still worried that a man might have seen my sexy middle-aged forearms! I know she means well and it is actually a compliment that she cares. She is just from a different time and a different place…


The third day Adnan spent in the hospital, which was also the day before his surgery, was a Friday – the holy day in Islam when it is customary for men to go to the mosque to attend the Jumu’ah prayers, comparable to Christians attending church services on Sundays. After the prayers ended, men well-wishers dressed in their crisp white thobes and flowing headgear began appearing bearing huge floral arrangements (one was almost as tall as me!), plants, chocolates, or cologne and I finally abandoned my hostessing duties because there must have been 12-15 men in the room all at once. Many of them I had never seen before even though some were my husband's cousins - but because of the way the society restricts interaction between unrelated men and women, I had never had any opportunity to meet most of them before. I went out for a walk down in the beautiful park adjacent to the hospital, but it was a bit warm, so I wandered around the hospital for a bit before returning to the room.


Each day, except for the three days Adnan spent in ICU where limited visiting hours were strictly enforced, visiting guests streamed in and out of the room, some calling before coming, others showing up unannounced. When a couple of his previously-unknown-to-me cousins came calling, they were SOOOO incredibly handsome that I almost spilled the coffee on them! And after almost every visitor left, Adnan would tell me that the friend or family member who just left had offered to foot the entire hospital bill, and he would remark, “This system is so much better than insurance.” All in all, the total bill for everything came to about $18,500 US – for an angiogram, triple bypass open heart surgery, ten days in the hospital including three days in ICU, our meals, doctors’ charges, medications, etc. I have no idea what the same might cost in the States, but I’m pretty sure it would be considerably more.

Adnan continues to improve a little bit every day. He’s still in some pain, has good days and bad days, and is a tad impatient to feel better sooner, but overall he’s doing very well. The doctors are pleased with his progress and the long incision down his chest looks good. We still have a way to go, and both Adnan and I are looking ahead to the day when this will all be behind us. Many Thanks to all of you who sent your well wishes and prayers – I could see that Adnan was quite touched as I read them to him. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

Muslim Male Humor - Just Not Funny...

My hubby has been having some health complaints lately so I made him go in to go the doctor. The doctor we usually go to is Syrian but he doesn't speak much English, so when we go, Adnan always has to interpret for me to tell me what the doctor is saying or asking.

I sat there while the doctor talked to Adnan, checked him over, ran an EKG, looked at the results, and talked to Adnan some more. This doctor obviously likes my husband a lot and vice versa. At one point the doctor said something to my husband in Arabic and they both burst out laughing - I mean REALLY laughing, like that knee slapping, good ole boy kind of laughing. Adnan looked at me and told me that he would fill me in later. I figured it had to be something related to sex, as almost everything in this place seems to be...

We walked to the lab down the hall from the doctor's office and my husband had some blood drawn. Later that evening we were supposed to go back for the results of the blood test. When we were driving home, I asked Adnan what was so funny in the doctor's office. He said "Oh nothing," but I persisted and finally got him to tell me the reason for their big outburst of laughter. With this medical issue that my husband has, the doctor has told him not to do anything too strenuous or too physical for the time being - get my drift? - and then the doctor chimed in with, "You weren't planning on marrying another one, were you?" N-yuck, n-yuck, n-yuck! (knee slap) Ha, ha, ha...! (For anyone who isn't aware, Muslim men are allowed four wives according to Islam.)

Needless to say, I failed to see the humor. I told Adnan that I thought it was unprofessional, rude and insensitive for the doctor to say that with me sitting right there. The doctor knew that I didn't understand him. Would he have said that if I were Saudi or if I spoke Arabic?

So when we went back later that evening to get the test results, we sat down in the doctor's office. He looked over the test results and talked to my husband a bit, and then my husband looked at me and said, "Whew! He says I'm going to live!" The doctor then started to write out a prescription for my husband and seemed to have a problem remembering my hubby's name, calling him Abdul-Rahman.

I picked up on this mistake without my husband having to translate, so I told my husband, "Well, maybe YOU'RE not the one who's going to live after all. Maybe Abdul-Rahman is!" When Adnan translated what I had said to the doctor, I never saw anyone turn so bright red in my life! He blubbered all over himself going overboard trying to reassure Adnan that those were indeed his test results. Good ole boys indeed... hmmmm.

Prayers for Bedu

With great sadness and a heavy heart I have to share with you that my dear friend Carol at American Bedu has suffered the tremendous loss of her beloved husband Abdullah. He passed away yesterday.

The circumstances of their illnesses have kept Carol and Abdullah apart for the past several months, as they both have endured treatments in different states in America. Last week Abdullah flew back to Saudi Arabia from Houston, where doctors had told him there was nothing more they could do for him. Sadly Carol was not able to see him again one last time before he left the states.

Carol still has about two months left of her own treatment and needs all the strength she can muster to face her life without Abdullah.

You can visit her blog and leave your messages of condolence for her there.

Please keep Carol in your prayers.

A Dangerous Cultural Extreme?

There are many unusual and sometimes bizarre cultural occurrences in Saudi Arabia that make the news here on a daily basis. Today I read about a medical emergency at an all-girls’ high school here in Jeddah. The incident involved a student who had an epileptic seizure which was witnessed by several other students who promptly fainted. Medical assistance was summoned.

Now let me just interject here that there are no co-ed Saudi schools here beyond about age 7. In girls’ schools, all teachers and administrators are also female, and in boys’ schools, the teachers are all male. This is because of the strict societal norms here of segregating the sexes in social situations.

Apparently four all-male paramedical teams from four different local hospitals rushed to the school, only to be turned away by the female principal because she wouldn’t allow men in her school. The principal demanded that an all-female team be dispatched.

About an hour later, an all-female rescue team did arrive at the school and was allowed access to treat the female students.

This incident reminded me of the girls’ school fire in Makkah in 2002 when fourteen girls perished after being locked into the burning building by religious police on the scene who refused to let the desperate girls out to safety because their hair wasn’t properly covered according to Islam.

Maybe this latest incident wasn’t a clear-cut matter of life-or-death, but it was a medical emergency involving several students. So at what point does this strict interpretation of cultural segregation of the sexes become too extreme, dangerous and senseless? What is more important – saving a life or enforcing a cultural rule that could result in the loss of life?

A Plea From the Heart

A lthough I may not be a huge fan of organized religion per se, I DO believe in the power of prayer and in miracles. This post is a personal plea from my heart for your prayers for a very special person I greatly admire. The world of my friend and fellow blogger, Carol, who is known in blogging circles as American Bedu, has been turned upside down by illness. But ironically enough, not only is Carol now fighting her second battle with breast cancer in so many years, her husband Abdullah is also in the fight of his life against leukemia.

Carol traveled all over the world in her profession as a foreign diplomat for more than 20 years – an occupation she gave up when she decided to marry Abdullah, who was also a career diplomat. It was the second marriage for both of them. They each have grown children. A few short years ago, the newlyweds settled happily in Saudi Arabia’s capital city of Riyadh with their cats, and Carol took a job with a big university hospital. Through her informative, objective, and popular blog, Carol has admirably led the way in sharing the wonders and secrets of Saudi Arabia with the rest of the world.



Carol’s health crisis began less than two years ago when she was diagnosed with breast cancer after detecting a lump herself through self-examination. She underwent a mastectomy, reconstructive surgery, and took a regimen of aggressive cancer-fighting drugs here in Saudi Arabia. Carol wrote in depth about this intimately personal experience in a candid post on her blog back in July of 2008.



It was while she was in remission that her husband himself was diagnosed with acute myloid leukemia, a form of cancer that affects the blood. Currently they are both receiving aggressive medical treatments in the United States. Due to the nature of their illnesses and the prescribed chemotherapy treatments, Carol and Abdullah are now being treated in separate cities and staying with family members who have lovingly stepped up to assist with their care. The couple does talk to each other daily on Skype, but imagine how difficult it must be for them to not be physically together during this time and to try to be supportive from afar as their individual treatment regimens ravage their own immune systems. Carol’s pretty blond hair is now gone. She is bald from the chemotherapy – a common side effect.


You can read a very detailed account of the health crisis Carol and her husband are facing right now on a recent post she wrote on American Bedu.



I would like to ask you all to please keep Carol and Abdullah in your thoughts and prayers.



For those of you who would like to take it a step further, I know that receiving your comments, cards, or emails of support and best wishes would make a world of difference in Carol’s life right now.



And to any of you who feel compelled to do even more for this courageous woman, a pretty scarf or a unique hat to keep her now bald head warm, or a good book (she LOVES to read!) would definitely brighten her day and lift her spirits! Be creative!



You can email Carol at: admin@americanbedu.com
to get her mailing address if you wish to physically send flowers, scarves, hats, books, or other goodies to her.


Thank you for showing Carol that you care.